To his frens & to my classmates of NP: thanks for reading. thanks for telling him my bad and thanks for telling him i’m using him. =) i feel so good now.. lol.. i wish i could manipulate everyone with my words just like i manipulate him. =) i’m not good with words but then, i know all his friends is watching to see me fall so they can laugh loud into my face. i know he will too. look, he’s right. i love money. and i love it alot. hahaha. to me, money is god. just like everyone say i need duckie in order to survive. in order to prove myself. i’m going to break up with him. i don’t know wat’s wrong with me. but i know i’m sick and tired of crying each time i read his diary and read what he wrote abt me. well, that’s true. hahaha, but look, i’m not trying hard to gain ppl’s pity on me.. i hate to study.. i wanna earn big bucks.. and spend all those money i earn on MYSELF. =) in tis way, NO ONE will ever say i NEED a GUY to survive. =) and i hate him for throwing my booboo & co away. =(

p.s. i’m not sad.

I just reformatted my laptop on monday.. the process of reformat is so damn long and it makes me wanna fall aslp.. sigh.. nevertheless, i managed to ‘tahan’ until i install SP 2(Service Pack 2) den i went to bed.. but it’s so late already! so i didn’t manage to wake up and reach sch at 8am.. why so early cos i have made a bookin for visual basic.net.. sian diao.. and ytd (tues) zhiwei didn’t help me sign in so i went to get a MC for whole day.. so i whole day didn’t go sch and i meet duckie for dinner.. sian diao.. this yr is a very suay (unlucky) yr.. my hp bill is exploding and ppl just dun call me and they like to sms me instead.. thanks leh.. 134 bucks.. hahaha.. -_- how did i did it? gosh.. and tml i got sch.. more jia lat.. sian diao liao me.. my laptop now got NOTHING inside.. i mean no programs lah.. sian diao i have to go sch tml to install everything back..

today, went to work usual.. start work at 11am.. lunch hr is so damn busy till i got 1 order wrong.. =X oops… den after lunch hr, nana told me to do bar again.. so yup.. i was like sian diao.. but it’s fun doing bar.. i learnt a new drink.. absolut esp.. =) tim taught me.. =) i was so shocked when duckie came near the bar and OEI me.. my soul was like came out of my body for a few secs before it came back to this world again.. =.= i was about to reply him cos my hp was off automactically for absolute NO reasons.. stupid duck… lol.. den i keep myself busy while the rest are doing the stuffs for decorating the place on sun.. =) i’m SO excited.. hahaha.. everyone was like shocked to see him too lah.. suddenly come and OEI me.. lol.. and tim keep asking me if he’s a doc.. -_- crazy one him.. living in his own world.. haha.. i mus rem how to make those frappe.. i just keep referring to the SOP.. is NOT the solution at all.. sigh.. and den i finish work at 7pm and went to have dinner with him at JP.. eat KFC.. yay.. long time no eat!! hohoho.. den we went to liberty to buy my cup noodles and den we went to somewhere near the playground to chit chat.. hahaha.. sigh..

i will be meeting darling alicia tml.. she will be coming to my sch to look for me since she finish sch at 1pm.. =) cos i haben meet up with her for more than 1 wk.. =( tml tml tml.. tml duckie will have his TP test.. at 10am.. but before that he got revision at 7am.. he’s very kuku always book so early.. -_-

my world is falling down.. will chicken little save me? yeah.. we will be watching that on fri.. cos i have already booked the tickets.. =) he gave me a voodoo doll.. i don’t know it’s right to take or not.. and again he made choices for me.. =) it’s the same thing since yujie’s incident.. =) and again he said i didn’t choose him.. i can’t choose him and will not choose him.. i can’t go back to someone who keep degrading me.. his frens didn’t degrade themselves but i did. =) thanks alot. and i don’t need guys like what he said.. i don’t go into r/s with all the guys i went out with.. and i’m not a playful girl.. i don’t play with guys emotionally.. i only play with my tooty and toys.. and this is what he smsed me:
“12 midnite. Fairytale has ended. Cinderella has changed back to being herself. Let it be.”
“ok. I already helped u made a choice. Take care.”
“haha.” (i have stopped replying him since he only sms me haha.)
“When will u learn little moomooz? When will u change? Haha. Perhaps u are not the one afterall. Rem ur promise ok? I can’t afford to let my life be ruined at ur hands.” (den suddenly he sms me this.)
“=) all i know is that everything wrong now. I am going to make things right again.” (he said he got gd frens while i got bad frens.. who threaten me with frenships.. think about it.. sometimes it true…)
“they feel sorry for me. Good frens. =)”
“i wonder why u have to say such things when all alone ur choice isnt me? if ur thinking never changes then u r rite. We will break up. There will be many more yujie n donald n history will just repeat. isnt it repeating now? When u have been urt b4 hen u will know how much u hurt me. For now it is best we dont contact. ur heart already choose him, believe in ur own choice for god’s sake.”
“ok. i asked u to be with me. u didnt. it’s ur choice all alone. don’t take me for granted. i will not be there when he is not. please just stay out of my life n dont look for me when u need me. rem ur own words and promises. i will rather be with someone who choose me.” (if i were to choose him, things like yujie’s incident happened again.. we will break up again.. if i choose him, he will abandon his frens like the past.. and when we break up he will start blaming me again.. and most importantly.. his frens don’t like me.. =) and.. my frens don’t like him.. he also dun like my frens & family.. )
:
: (i deleted.. some..)
“ya. i promised.” (we are to spend xmas together cos we promised long time ago.. plegde.. )

Will you guys stop whatever you are saying and stop creating trouble for me. enough is enough though. and i realised. when xiumei and rudy posted their comments here.. they are together.. well.. i don’t really care about that anymore.. it’s out of my mind from today onwards.. i feel like knocking my head against the wall.. it’s very stressing.. sometimes i really don’t know lah.. it’s unfair for duckie cos i keep thinking about my 1st r/s.. sometimes i keep thinking of breaking up with him since i always make him sad and stuffs.. sometimes i feel i’m hopeless.. beyond cure.. i’m very sad last nite.. i keep crying.. i really don’t know wat to do.. and i don’t feel like talking to anyone anymore.. leave me alone.. leave my blog alone too.

well, so his fren xiu mei and rudy tagged in my tagboard. how nice of them. =) make me have a better understanding what stupid things his frens can really do. found my blog just to give me some scoldings? so wat? it’s my blog and i write whatever i want to and it’s not up for them to say anything anyways. scold whatever u guys want. it’s not as if i really care. if u r lookin for trouble.. i welcome u too and duckie, pls stay out of my prob.. they are looking for me not for u. xiu mei, wanna give me scolding? i welcome u too man. so do u need my msn or mobile no. so u can scold me? hahaha. if u wanted to scold me badly, no matter how sze tien stopped u.. u will come look for me.. and that’s what u r doing now what.. and who is he to u? so protective of him? den pls keep him in ur pocket so he wun wanna meet me or whatsoever. and u don’t even know the whole bloody thing that happened. so stop poking ur nose into our busines, ok? and remember watever things u said i dont reali give a damn to u. u dont even fucking know me and u tagged in my blog? c’mon man. u r welcome anywhere except here. and don’t blame me for being rude. u r rude to me in the 1st place alright.

I was suppose to start work at 7am today but tim change it to 9am cos i worked till 10pm last nite. so my mum wake me up and i start to prepare and then left the house with my mama cos she ask me to wait for her (so i will help her to lock the door.. that’s very cunning of her.) we took train (at which she alight at JE cos she’s on her way to work) together.. and i was early for work today. =) early by 15 mins.. sue taught me housekeeping (we have to do housekeeping every sat).. so i pledge the wooden walls and so on.. today i worked in bar.. but there isn’t much people coming in during the afternoon so nana told me to go out do servicing (to ghost i guess.. lol..).. today singapore river had some dragon boat events.. no wonder so many dragon boat students (cos they were wearing a jersey with the word chinese dragon on their back..) walking around the area.. how did i know? cos amin told me to go CR (Circular road’s TCC) and give them back the lemons.. =) suddenly got crowds keep coming in.. and i still don’t know how to make mon cheri.. so it’s Erin who made them and i make the frappes. =) i’m still trying to be fast.. and the crowd keep coming in when i was about to go hm! but den Erin chased me hm.. so yup.. i went hm and found my ah ma bathing and.. i waited like almost 30 mins.. -_- den my dad let me shower first and i went to meet peili (she’s forever so slow.. -_-).. so we took cab down to orchard.. boon xiong and jiabao came to meet us first. we went to have dinner at this japanese restaurant call Sun & Moon. the food there not bad.. but i don’t feel full eating.. so after that we went to boat quay’s ktv pub.. amy(i tot she’s disappeared after replying my sms once or twice), jo (i nvr expect her to come cos i told her i cancelled it..), mich (i nvr expect her to come cos her cousin’s baby full mth..), chang yuan, marie, jiabao, sky & Boon xiong.. they turned up.. sky gave me a moomooz soft toy (still treat me like a small kid.. =) the moment i took the toy i played with it.. OMG) and amy gave me sweets (thanks sweetie, it’s the thoughts that count mah.. not the amount).. amy mistaken that boon xiong doesn’t want to give them a ride to BQ.. it’s a misunderstanding.. =( we stayed there until 4am den boon xiong send me, chang yuan & marie home since we live so near each other.. javier send peili, jiabao and sky hm while jo, mich and amy went off earlier.. =) they opened a bottle of chivas (hope i got the scotch’s name rite..).. and sky break the bottle’s top and give me the 3 balls that can be found inside.. =) i’m going to slp now cos i want to wake up early to do my stuffs.. duckie‘s chest keep hurting and doc went to see what’s wrong.. it’s some kind of infection and the doc gave him injection so i think he will be alright. duckie always know wat’s going on.. he knows i stil can’t let HIM go.. he knows.. =X so bad de me.. but i just can’t.. he said it’s lidat 1st r/s always hard to let it go.. that’s why when xm came into the whole pic i was so agitated.. =X i know.. i’m..

“We are meant for each other, aren’t we?” he used to say that to me. When it’s over let it be over. I could sense the happiness in him. and i’m happy now. happy working. Isn’t it great? At least she knows how to sing the songs you like so much. At least you went there with her. At least she kept you accompany. She’s the miss. right you are looking for. I’m not the one you are looking for. Sometimes, i find relationship very tiring. i don’t know what got into me. really i don’t. i feel like quitting school and slog all my life for money. yes. money. the most imp thing in life for one to survive. i’m so scare when i got no money. i’m so scare i would starve to death. when i fail, everyone will be mocking at me for my stupidity. when i fall, everyone will just watch me fall. when i die, everyone simply don’t care cause i’m simply no one to them. yes, i know i’m stupid. life is nothing but money. why did ppl work so hard for? isn’t it for money? i’m so scare.. scare of being poor. that’s the time when ppl will look down on me. i need money and not boyfriend. love doesn’t make me survive, but money does.

As usual, i start work at 12noon today.. so busy today.. hahaha. so i take over bar at ard 2plus today and all the way until 8plus when it’s so busy and abd is the only person doing servicing.. so Erin said she will do closing for bar and i help abd with servicing. so i sweep the floor and mop the floor.. refill the sugar bowl and wipe the salt and pepper.. when i was doing bar, i was so bz until i don’t have time to think.. so amin came to help me with the frappe cos i’m so slow with it. and i jammed some drinks.. hahaha.. =X can’t help it lah.. i can’t manage if there is many hands inside.. so suzy told me she miss me cos she likes to disturb me.. so bad one she.. hahaha. but it’s fun working with them even though i’m always the chinese left in the end.. i was suppose to be attached to sue for the bar but it always end up i’m the only one doing.. -_- i made oreo frappe, mighty joe young, macadamia nut frappe.. milkshakes.. lol.. honey latte.. blah blah blah.. =) i made lattes more.. i’m getting on.. but for the frappe still a bit messy.. nana say i’m a fast learner.. btw, today it’s my second time doing bar man.. hahaha.. i still haben learn how to do closing for bar.. i will learn it soon i guess.. =) tml i will be learning housekeeping.. hahaha.. =X sigh.. Erin asked me whether i’m going to nana’s hse on sun for hari raya.. but nana nvr told me.. so i don’t know..

she’s not loose, she doesn’t go club, she doesn’t go online to know guys.. she’s such an angel.. how envious.. i’m all the opposite of her.. and i don’t really understand.. but it’s ok since he said such things to me.. this makes me feel good too.. i online not know other guys but it’s always other guys who came to know me. i went clubbing, but it’s been a long time since i went clubbing. i’m loose, cos i go ard hugging ppl and perhaps kissing ppl.. =) so proud of myself… i don’t know wat to say but saying anything more makes me sounded like a bitch.. oh my.. will god come to help me out this time round? He used to help me when i needed help desperately.. sometimes i feel so hopeless.. when i was working, there this grp of people always come to TCC to have their bible study.. ah yes.. bible study.. so when was the last time i had one? probably when i was in sec 5.. gosh.. that’s so long ago.. when was the last time i prayed and did quiet time? all probably during sec 5… what causes the big change in me? i don’t know too. i wish for god to lead me the way.. which way shd i go? sometimes i feel like god is around me but sometimes it’s me who forsake him.. i felt so bad.. perhaps He was here guiding me along but i choose to ignore him.. it’s my bad.. He helped me when i needed help.. and i forsake him after that.. what am i doing? this had been in my mind for awhile but laziness caught me.. i must change my laziness.. otherwise once i fall, there will be someone mocking at me. i know there always will be.. u can say whatever u wan, for i don’t really care.. i’m serious.

today, i woke up at 10plus cos tooty keep barking at ah ma.. so irritating. so i keep scolding him and ask him shut up but also no use.. i guess small dogs are VERY noisy whereas big dogs are much more quiet.. =) so i went for work today. start work at 2pm (until 10pm).. today i’m attached to the bar.. so i get to make drinks. i made cappi on my own.. and mochavilla.. and some other drinks like sea of passion, sea of gold, dusk, dawn so on.. it’s quite fun.. so i stayed in the bar frm 2plus – 7plus cos suzy do closing bar.. =) i made latte, frappe, cold choco.. my hands are so cold when i was making cold choco or honey latte. lol.. when my cold hands touches the water.. OMG.. the feeling was like.. nana was suppose to guide me i guess.. but i was left alone in the bar in the end.. so i followed the SOP (if i nvr rem wrongly).. =) so my younger sis came to look for me.. she had mongolian chicken chop and Amin treat her soda float (Sprite Float lah)… that’s very nice of them.. =) so she waited for me to finish work… den we went home together.. mama calls me to see if she came to look for.. mama so gan jiong.. she scare my sis missing cos my sis dun wanna ans her calls.. and den sharon and sue keep repeating my “I don’t know” sentence.. don’t know why oso.. Erin said it was bcos the way i said it was quite funny.. hahaha.. anyways, Amin helped me to sign out.. so i get to leave the shop early by a few mins.. so yup.. i reached hm b4 11pm and watch The sixth sense.. quite nice even though i miss out a few parts.. =X i will go slp early cos i’m tired.. hahaha..