this is my x no. time of blogging today. and i just finish talking with monkey.. oh well.. at least he called.. 6 yrs of friend indeed.. so when i say, after a break up normally the one consoling me was my friend of so many years.. not even gf give me a call.. but she did console me thru sms.. i don’t know if what i m doing is rite.. but i just wanna do whatever i think is rite for myself.. nvr gonna let me get myself hurt by some unknown reasons. and when i think how stupid i am.. i am really stupid. but monkey is correct. i shd give duckie back the nokia 6111 and buy 1 hp that truly belongs to me. that’s what i will do. =] but my heart for r/s is dead along with duckie.. i love him & all i get back is this.. every single r/s is a lesson learnt. stop being gullible. ah, how nice. i need to rest now. will be meetin monkey to acc him to NUH tml afternoon. gd nite to the world.

no, i do not wish to see him ever. asshole. and NO MORE of this kind of sicko relationship. fucking wasting my time when i could have use it somewhere else.

sometimes the way people treat me makes me feel like i m unworthy of everything. since young till now. even duckie lies to me. he admitted that everything that he said to me is all lie…… i can’t believe it. so when i asked him why he lied, he say because he’s bored.. apparently, he dun care abt how i feel exactly. each time people ask me to spare a tot for others, den may i ask who spare a tot for me? not even duckie. to know that he lied to me that he has heart problem. he lied about he went to aust for his heart problem. he lied about him being debarred. he lied about him got a chance to viva. he lied about him failed his final year project. finally i got my ans to why he say army doesn’t allow him to defer. bcos whatever he said was all lies. he lied to me. why did he in the 1st place wanna lie? i tried hard to believe him because he’s my bf….. it looks like he doesn’t even want tis relationship at all, so why shd i bother abt him in the 1st place? breaking up might be a good idea. after all i did not like to be lied at. so long.

i can’t believe i’m going to wake up in a few hours time to go JB and here i’m writing my blog because i just reached home not long ago from kean lee‘s hse.

disappointed thing that happened to me is… the guy i used to like, got a gf!! *upset.* muahaha. sigh. heard it from someone else and i saw the status in his frenster. and of cos i’m disappointed lah after all it has been so many years and now i know he has a gf.. cant imagine that i almost got into depression state because of him when i was in sec school.. and he didn’t talk to me for years.. plus, i smsed him and he didn’t reply me. stupid.. even more disappointed. oh well.. let’s forget abt him.. i shd have done that long time ago.. since he doesn’t even wanna talk to me & i dun have the courage to tell him.. oh well, forget it.. i just… sigh sigh sigh.. or maybe if at that point of time i kept my mouth shut, den i wouldn’t have this kind of problem & we are still close friends.. sigh.. *remorseful*

anyways, i went out with cacca & monkey today.. bump into erin, sue & gf at cineleisure while having dinner there.. and most surprising is mon cherie is working!! i didn’t realised when suddenly a guy came to stand in front of me and i was shocked when i look again & i saw him! muahaha. he has changed his hair style which makes him look more – cute. =] anyways, after dinner we went to look for cacca‘s bf’s bday present, a wallet. after that we went to slack at coffee bean.. and we went home about 10.30pm.. and i bump into tcc(rx) kitchen staffs.. i keep bumping into RX-men… lol.. when i asked michael why are they there, kah wei just say they are going to do what a guy will do while lim xiao di & da mian look at me.. *suspicious* lol. den jiayong & mason was like covering their face.. -_-

den i went to kean lee‘s hse to help him with his project.. damn, i can’t seem to solve his “DbMgmt.vb” prob.. so the registration part cannot be enter into the database.. in another words, whatever that needs to enter into the database from the website cannot be done bcos of the dbmgmt.vb.. sigh.. we tried to change the permission but it still doesn’t work.. it’s kinda weird.. but the thing is, whatever that was put into the database manually can be retrieve.. which is a good thing.. but we are still not sure what causes the dbmgmt.vb to be malfunction. so after trying to solve for a few hours, we decided to give up and cont with the rest. but kean lee say it’s bcos of the permission thing & the security thing.. and he went online search.. it seems like a lot of people have the same problem but.. the solution wasn’t written properly.. i can’t help him regarding that bcos.. i dun have the permission thingy in my properties for the finalyearproj1 folder.. so i helped him with the dept.aspx, deptproduct.aspx.. and the rest he has to do it himself. and we only finish everything at about 4plus.. and here i’m writing my blog. *tired* i’m going to bed now. JB JB JB!

Changed my blog skin ytd.. make it convenient to navigate bcos the previous time mike & wati couldn’t navigate. LOL.. how funny and now, it’s not anymore lah.. bcos… they can come in already! muaha. sadded. oh well.. plus, i like to eat cookie & i’m the cookie monster!! muahaha.. i tot i might see cookie monster or maybe elmo’s pic.. oops, i sounded like a 3 yr old kid. =] plus, wati always call me kiddo. so.. =P

went to work today.. since gim wei can’t work bcos of his grandma’s death anniversary, so i have to work OT.. but i am suppose to have OT anyway.. oh well.. helped missy to do bar when she’s couldn’t manage it.. managed to keep myself busy otherwise i will keep thinking it’s gonna kill me. =) swept the floor & mop it. kah wei‘s gonna quit TCC next week on the first day i become full time. lol. oh well, no fate. =P and we celebrated nana‘s 29th bday at the outlet today.. tim bought her a sexy SM kinda night wear lingerie.. oh well.. LOL.. today jiayong brew some chinese herb thing which i dunno how to call it in english for me & tim & perhaps the kitchen staffs (mason & damien) to drink. =.= it’s that kind of herb thingy i dislike to drink bcos it’s weird? anyways, that stupid jiayong say it’s his, damien & mason urinate & tim’s reaction was so huge.. LOL! u guys shd have seen it. haha.. and today something happened.. suzy fainted.. and of cos, being concerned, i asked ard what happened.. but it’s not nice of me to post up what exactly rite? amin came to talk to her because she was not ok at all.. poor suzy. the guy who helped me open the bottle of white wine is here again. and this time he drink the red wine which can be opened easily but.. somehow, i broke the cock. LOL! he almost wanted to help me open.. oh man, each time i am inside the bar, he has to help me.. kinda make me embarrassed. LoL~ i’m thick skinned anyways. and den tim said, i have to learn to open it. -_- not i don’t want. some cocks are so subborn that they refuse to come out. lol. oh man.. it’s hard to be a barista who needs to open WHITE & RED wine bottles. heh heh.. other than tat, everything is alright. but my feet hurts like mad.. i had my break with missy and ask her to eat chicken rice with me. *yummy* after all it’s my fav chicken rice of all time. but the auntie, is not there anymore. oh well.. things change dont they?

that stupid duckie, keep making me walk in circles. *pissed* why did he walk in circles was because, he don’t like my comments on PDA phone that he’s gonna purchase. even my younger sis say she wants to buy the O2 atom.. and i scold her siao (which means crazy in hokkien).. and den he apologised to me. when i told him that i’m going JB this sun with monkey & his fren, he wasn’t very happy abt it neither. duh. and den he said things like i’ll definately reach sg damn late and blah blah blah.. *irritated* and den he’s cool abt it. -_- i hate ppl stop me from doing whatever i want or wherever i wanna go.. some freedom will be good.. plus, i haven’t been meeting up with monkey for MONTHS!!! i need to gossip a bit here & there.. =] we went to watch “Da Vinci Code” at The Cathay. oh man.. it’s pretty interesting.. having to break code and run away from the cops and end up, the baddie is always someone close to u… but as u know movies sometimes can be quite different from the book and i yet have finish the book. just like the harry potter which, i forever got stucked there.. after the movie, duckie made some unpleasant comments abt christianity. and i wasn’t very please with him when he asked “u christian meh?” when i told him umpteen times “i am”? he needs to respect other people’s religious if he want others to respect his. simple. but he said he dun mean that. whatever it is, i’m tired.. i need to slp.. after all, i promised kean lee to help him with his project later in the morning, when i wake up that is.. nite.

tim smsed me today to ask me go work at 11a.m today.. but bcos he smsed me so i only saw the sms at 10plus a.m.. plus he didn’t reply me, so i cont to sleep since i dun reali feel well. den wake up at 1pm.. damn.. was a min late.. hahaha.. and work is quite alright today… have to put aside my problems and work like normal.. and talked to wati abt the problems i had with gf.. it’s not a big deal.. but, for now, i just dun feel like talking to anyone.. but i have to be normal at work… oh well.. and today sue surprised me by giving me a Time-Out to eat.. yummy~ how i love chocolates.. =) they are something to de-stress me. muahah.. tat’s what sue says too. =) we are just 2 chocolate persons.. =] vacuumed the floor, it’s like wanting my life.. haha.. anyways, i asked wati if gf is coming back to rx to work.. she say HR have more expectations from her blah blah blah, so she’s still considering whether she wanna come back to work.. oh well, troublesome HR.. and den tim talked to me abt me converting to Full-time.. i have considered.. i will convert to full time for the time being and after a few months later den maybe i will get a new job.. probably after i have learn something after being a full time.. after all, a full time have more responsiblities than part time. spot erin‘s mistakeSSSSSSSSS today & she throw a polo sweet at me. duh. and den she says, “i’m human.. i make mistakes too.” aahaha.. this makes me laugh.. i din say anything abt it and she say something. lol. nana & starkey didn’t even talk to me today. sigh. what a life.

went to watch “Poseidon” today. the show is quite cool. exciting. i think i’m falling sick.. feel discomfort in my stomach.. my head feels giddy.. these few days i dun think i will talk much. not in the mood for talking nor chatting. jus need to watch more da chang jin, den go slp & den wake up go for work. my routine for now. i think i will be a full time in tcc since i have no idea wat to work as… sigh.. i have to go to my younger sis’s Meet-The-Parents session next fri (26.05.06), den on the 30th may, i still have to accompany her to do some medical checkups that will take whole day long.. lol.. mayb i shd go work in hospital. wat do u think?

us, after checking out.

me & gf.. having our breakfast.

even their sweet & spicy wings is diff from us. omg, i’m jealous.

the statue of liberty.. at the genting! haha.

the road sign.

the flying coaster that gf & damien refuse to try.

the roller coaster~ gf was sick, so she couldn’t join us. sigh.

was late for work. felt so irritated by myself that i don’t reali feel like talking at all. didn’t even talk to gf when i saw her. didn’t even talk to damien when he say hi to me. didn’t even chat with the rest of them like i always did.. just pass jy his present & missy her present. missy say “wo de lian se hen hao, ke shi wo de xin qing bu hao”… she’s rite. i just dun feel like talking.. while i was doing bar, time passes very fast.. it’s been awhile since i do & close bar. sigh. i almost forget to mop & sweep the floor. how stupid i can be.. shd i try the job interview tml? shd i? i need to change my working environment. i feel the urge of having more money. & i hate it when people keep telling me that i have no money & i shd spend lesser when in the 1st place i dun have much money to start with & when i know i dun have much money.. i hate people to say “money isn’t imp” when the truth is, “money is imp”.. if money isn’t imp, den why does people work so hard for? if money isn’t imp, den why does we have to pay for everything? if money isn’t imp, den why does people always fight for it & still felt that it’s never enough? it’s money that makes the world going round. if money isn’t imp, den why are the kids & people in certain countries are starving? please, just tell me money is imp. although money can’t buy love, buy friendship, buy family.. but we can’t survive on these alone can we..? no, we can’t.. if we were to survive on these, we will die. no. i’m not angry at gf for telling me this. i’m angry why am i so fucking poor that people have to give me treat so i can save up my never-seems-2-b-a-lot money. and i m angry at the fact that, how come i worked so much and what i received is still so little? i hate to work so much & in return i get so little back. to start with, i dun have much pay to begin with too. so what am i complaining?

no. i dun like it. and i will nvr like it. it was a bloody wrong mistake. why mus always things happened den i started to regret? y can’t i think properly? i hate the world. most importantly, i hate myself. gd nite.