i have nvr expect someone who knows me better will be someone whom i used to think he doesn’t like me. i had nvr expect that. people walked in and out of my life.. people left their footprints in my life.. people gave me permanent hurts.. i gave hurts in return.. but nvr did i expect someone who knows me better will be someone from the kitchen.. and that someone is jiayong.. life is kinda strange.. out of a sudden, he talked to me.. out of a sudden, he came disturbing me.. out of a sudden he cooked food and got my share.. out of a sudden he asked me out for a drink.. and out of sudden, he’s the one who understands my inner feeling now.. why is he the one who can sense my feeling and not certain someone.. talking to him makes me wanna cry but i controlled.. i hate to show ppl that i’m a cry baby.. talked about certain stuffs that has been bothering me.. and he gave me advises.. and when he can tell me what kind of person i am.. i’m reali shocked.. was sitting at the singapore river there drinking while i had my burger.. and talking about some stuffs.. and it came to my mind that, i’m subborn in certain ways.. and, i gave up easily.. guess i drink my drink too fast and i vomitted.. *yucks* but i feel good after vomitting my MCspicy burger. =_= i feel good after that puke.. i do.. i have my regrets.. but jiayong has his point rite too.. the things that he said certainly made some sense to me.. and it’s time i shd take a long term break from something call “relationship & frenship“.. all the “ships” are actually driving me crazy. all i hope was, my frenship will last with everyone.. if she doesn’t want this “frenship” anymore.. she could have told me straight.. sometimes, i reali couldn’t face her anymore and den i will have the urgue to transfer to another outlet in order not to face her.. but it sounds silly… or facing her and not talking to me and feel that i’m invisible, makes me feel sad.. reali.. i do.. feel sad.. the end of whatever i wanna say.. bcos i’m slpy already.. i hate the way things is.. but the road out there is not always straight. good frens are forever.. at least i do believe that. that’s why i love my sec sch frens.. bcos, they forgive & forget my mistakes.. and i’m reali thankful.. even though i dun always get to see them.. but at least i think everyone rems each other.. that’s the most imp of all.. =] i miss u guys.. i seriously do.

alright. today was the “supposedly the 2nd day of orientation”.. but me & suzy doesn’t have to go! haha. so i start work at 10a.m today.. worked lunch after a “very long” period of time. haha. was stationed in station 3.. and the crowd was pretty alright. not very busy though.. had fun playing around chatting and stuffs. but i find it offended when erin actually say ” i shd count on iaasc first before counting on u”.. she said she wants to train iaasc to do lunch bar 1st before “training” me to do lunch bar. fuck, i hate ppl to look down on my abilities. and this is not the 1st time erin say this to me. when nana asked me to do planning for break time, she said the same damn thing too.. argh.. tell me, what’s so great abt that? always say depend on him and not on us first.. just bcos we used to be part time who worked like a full time doesn’t mean we are not as experience as him. duh. why does she has to say things lidat? dun understand and dun wish to. lame. so was chatting with nana & missy when mike came out of the kitchen and informed us who’s transferring out of RX in the kitchen.. and that person is……… fang chew a.k.a lin xiao di. so he will be transferred along with nana. oh well. kinda expected and i felt happy for him too. good opportunity for him to show his capabilities.. good opportunity to get promoted.. and of cos he felt sad to hear that news. missy told me he’s sad.. wati told me he’s sad.. oh well, nothing last forever. i even have preparation in case the next one transferring to funan is me.. and den mike was like shaking his head when he looked at me and i was like “how come u shaking ur head?”, den he said “bcos i feel sad for u lah”.. get what he means? lol. lame. even nana tease me by saying “see ur ‘bf’ transferring bcos couple cannot be in the same outlet.”.. lol. even damien told me he’s transferring.. everyone tells me the same thing. i know already lah.

after work, i went to meet fang chew bcos he promised to acc me go buy my working shoes.. and i can see that he was pretty unhappy. when i asked him, he say not unhappy… well, he’s that kind of person who doesn’t spell out his unhappiness.. so i crap with him like i usually does, trying to make him happy even though he say he’s not unhappy.. we walked ard bugis trying to find the shoes that i like but in vain.. and i happened to saw jas with his gf in b.k and we are outside.. so kinda just walk pass them. den me and fang chew walked all the way from bugis to suntec to look for Bata shop to buy my shoes.. and i finally bought one.. not expensive though.. not very auntie though.. haha… but i would prefer the exp one ($45) in terms of look. but i bought the not very pretty one ($25) in terms of comfort. =] and den fang chew reminds me of the qns i asked him on wed nite when he acc me to look for shoes.. well, the logic applies. =] den i treat him dinner at nest delight (if i nvr rem wrongly), den ice cream at gelare.. =] bcos he, somehow, refused to take my money for ytd’s dinner. and den we went home. so nice of him to help me carry my shoes today and my bag ytd. LOL! of cos have to treat him while i still have money to do so.. muahaha. he told me that this afternoon he doesn’t even have the appetite to eat his lunch today so he ate 2 bowls of rice just now.. lol. looks like some kind of hungry ghost and my prawn noodle is too salty until i almost puke. yucks. and after ice cream, we went home bcos he’s working morning.

well, at least now he said he’s feeling better.. he can always ask us out when he finish work early or whatsoever de mah. no worries.

nothing is impossible. to make ur mark, get out of ur “secure home”.

alright alright alright.. went for orientation today.. i went back to outlet to get my uniform bcos i thought it’s still early (bcos suzy told me it starts at 11.30a.m..) den when i was there wati den told us we have to reach there at 11a.m.. so me & suzy have to rush and realised that the course starts at 11.30 but tim purposely put 11a.m bcos we have to reach there early. =.= and end up wati got scolded. =( sorry wati. this wun happen again yah…. and the orientation is quite bored.. it’s like i already know everything and i still have to go thru those things again.. not that i’m self claiming i’m smart.. but c’mon, i worked in tcc for like coming to 9 mths? lol. and there’s food tasting.. those didn’t let us taste ALL food of cos.. they only let us taste teriyaki sabayon salmon & crispy dory with orange mayo. lol. and the malay guy in charge, dannie & “riza” (not like i know how to spell his name.) keep disturbing me.. and tim told everyone i’m teapot. now, not only RX ppl call me teapot. now everyone in training center calls me teapot.. and there is this guy who sat beside me say “hello teapot.”.. i almost flip and die. hahaha. i feel like go and dig a hole and hide my face. lol. it’s like those 3 guys are against me man.. =_= keep disturbing me, by forcing me to drink the unknown coffee.. keep saying i eat a bit of tibbits.. keep saying me.. from head to toe. duh. and when suzy told me that “riza” asked her if me & louis is an item, i almost flip and die too. hey c’mon man, i only met louis 3 times and we can be an item.. den it’s amazing man. he can even think that way.. omg. he’s lame loh.. after that he called me and i thought it was something serious.. he called me just to ask if the line under my chin is my make up lines or my face line.. i almost can flip and die. =.= den after that, we have to clean as we go, i did nothing and den he say i have to stay back and do something.. i almost die there.. den he say “ok lah, i see u 1st time so i let u off”.. duh.. i almost flip and die too. such an as*hole. lol. den me and suzy went back to outlet to work until 7.30p.m.. play there for awhile.. i acted as a customer who ignores the server, sue.. and den sue push me when i walked passed her.. LOL!! i almost fall down.. and it’s funny man. lol. after work, i rush off to meet fang chew at town bcos i asked him to acc me go buy shoes for work.. but, in the end i couldn’t decide wat to buy and i ended up buying nothing and i have to go buy tml.. partly was bcos it’s late and dun have much time to shop. den we went to have dinner after i couldn’t buy any shoes.. we sat there for about an hr crapping. LOL. i enjoying asking ppl qnses.. LOL.. and when i think about something else, i realised i must stop having the feeling of smsing that guy.. in case he finds me a nuisance. haha… ok lah.. i’m tired already. need some “beauty” slp.. working 10a.m tml. nite ppl.

weEEEee.. was late for “work” today. and now i’m pretty tired. lol. shdn’t drink so much milk with empty stomach now, i’m suffering from lao sai. hahaha. anyways, went back to RX to help packing up everything and today is a “working day” w/o uniform. cool eh? so many of us (all the full time + gf) packed and den we finish packing at about 3pm and we slack all the way till 7pm. lol. and den missy came to the outlet with her fren, qiuyun (if i nvr rem the name wrongly).. damien is sick, down with fever.. poor damien has got 3 days MC after he said he dun mind taking MC bcos he hasn’t take any on sun. oh well. poor thing. den i went to have dinner with missy & her fren.. so we went to town bcos i couldn’t think of anywhere else. so we went to meridian to eat my fav korean food.. after finish eating it’s already 9 plus!! gosh. it looks like we took a long time to makan. =P den we went to heeren to take a walk.. the shops are all closed.. so we dun have any thing to shop. hahaha.. so we went home at 10pm.. took a train.. meeting monkey to watch the brazil:ghana(3:0) match at JE mcdonald. i thought the time is still early so i took the NS line with them chit chatting.. and den, missy alighted at toa payoh to meet her mum.. while her fren alight at woodlands and me, jurong west. when it was approaching to woodlands, i feel like my shit is coming out any moment and there is a sharp pain.. damn, it’s so pain that i have to alight at woodlands to look for a toilet.. we went to the toilet at the mrt station and.. it’s closed for washing.. so we went to the toilet in the shopping center and realised we have to walk VERY FAR. =.= den, finally i can “relieve” my pain.. hahaha. it’s kinda a habit that i tell ppl i wanna shit since sec sch.. must change this habit in case i scare ppl off. loL~ anyways, qiuyun is a nice person.. she acc me all the way to the toilet and waited for me while i “do my business”. =] den we walked back to the mrt station while she headed towards the interchange.. =] den i waited for the train to jurong east, and den monkey told me, ronaldo scored the 1st score at 5mins after the game started. damn.. i missed that good show! den i quickly rushed to the mcdonald and there isn’t any place for us to sit so we have to stand 90 mins just to watch the match… was pretty happy that brazil won.. hahaha.. can’t hide it.. too happy now.. lost of words to say.. anyways.. it’s gf‘s bday today ((28.06.2006) as of after midnight lah).. hoped she has received my e-card.. sigh.. i smsed her “happy bday” though.. but she didn’t even sms me back.. guess she’s still angry with me.. no matter what it is, not gonna piss her off anymore.. it’s her bday! hai… i will be waiting till the day she no longer angry with me… and i hope it’s pretty soon.. =[ can’t stand seeing her & not talking to her.. but… what shd i do? any opinion? sigh

last but not least, Happy 20th Birthday, gf!!

slept for less than 4 hours and i have to drag myself out of the bed at 7.15a.m.. argh. and den i have to “rush” bcos i have to eat before i get out of my hse for training (S2006) at beach center. i thought i might get lost on my way to beach center, so i followed darling‘s direction and i made it!! hahaha. i know i’m lame.. but i always cannot rem how to go to beach center. =_= den i saw suzy & starkey inside already when i reached there.. but there isn’t any place for me to join them and i saw louis so i sat beside him. the training is as long as 9 hours and it’s killing me.. haha, so i went to crap with louis. know what? the shocking truth i found? hahahah!!! he studied and graduated in np, studied IT…. damn!! he’s my senior. haha.. but he’s older than me 2 years which means he’s 23.. and his bday falls on nov too. lol. and he worked at CQ. perfected. hahaha. duh.. so he joined me & suzy for lunch bcos starkey skipped lunch. den we started crapping as usual, den i went back to get my “old” uniform to exchange for the new ones. lol. den i went back again. so there was this 3 dogs in the shop.. so damn cute.. but they are all perverts.. and i don’t know i can’t wear skirts and slipper to the training.. so that whoever “warn” me.. so i went to grab my “big white rabbit milk sweet” (pls, translate into chinese. lol).. and i left it on the table next to me and after that i went to the toilet and when i came back my sweets is gone. =_= that stupid louis “hide” it.. oh c’mon.. lousy skill. wahahaha!! it was pretty obvious that he’s the one who took my sweets.. who else is disturbing me besides him? duh. and den the grp ppl keep changing, and my grp ppl keep bullying me. when the person asked for volunters, they pointed at me.. and lucky for me, i get to nominate the person who pointed at me 1st – alan the OM. lol. who cares? that’s conspiracy.. lol. anyways, after that stupid training, me & him went to bugis to have our dinner.. and the beef noodle has too much vinegar!! pui pui pui. den we chit chat and talk about studying.. i was planning to go SIM study marketing.. he already has a place in SIM studying something related to IT which i can’t rem at all.. the name is tOOOooo long.. lol.. =_= coincidence huh? den we went to walk ard the place and den we went to the place i wanted to go and it’s so damn small.. hahaha.. after that, we went to the national library to “read” books. haha. i mean comic books lah.. and the lib closes at 9p.m.. disappointed. lol.. i saw his eyes RED, and he stil say he’s not slpy when he looked like he’s gonna drop dead any moment. lol. but anyways, thanks for accompany me to wait for darling (haven’t get the chance to meet up with her when she got sOooo many OT to do) who gotta OT whom i give up waiting bcos i’m tired.. he went off first bcos i asked him to, den i take a walk at Raffles City.. went into Gio and saw some pretty clothes. i might wanna get it. haha. den i went into TIMES bookshop and “read” some books. i mean, i was browsing nia lah.. alright, i’m hungry and tired.. i wanna go bed SOON.. i hate it when someone close to me LIED to me for the 1st time. don’t let me know he’s guilty.

well well well… couldn’t stay at home for a day so i went out to watch movie.. went to cathay and watched “Just My Luck” and realised, it wasn’t as funny as “She’s the Man”.. after the movie, we went to roam around to find food to eat. bcos by the time we finish our movie is about 9.15pm.. oh well.. =P so we walked from The Cathay to Bugis just to find something to eat.. and i’m famished.. so was he. lol. thank god that he’s willing to acc me lah.. haha.. otherwise i might just die at hm bcos monkey wants to watch soccer at 11pm.. england : ecuador. was a bit shock that england made it to the quarter finals. lol. but i can see that everyone wants them to win the world cup. oh well.. went to take a look at the adidas brazil jacket which costs $129.. but it’s pretty.. sigh.. how? den we went to one chinese kuku place to have our dinner and he offered to treat me even though i want to pay for my share.. oh well.. lucky i insisted on paying my own movie ticket even though he say he treat me.. den i realised the ice milk tea is killing me.. it hurts.. giving me stomach pain.. pls remind me NOT to drink ice milk tea at nite. =[ the sharp pain.. kills me.. anyways, we went to the arcade to play.. wahaha.. we are lousy in the games that we play.. both are equally pa jiao.. lame.. it’s for fun anyways.. lucky we are in time for our last train.. wahahaha.. phew.. thanks for acc me anways.. otherwise i might remain upset for the rest of day if i stay at hm.. sigh.. life doesnt suck at all.. but the person who is making it suck is me. i have a clearer picture as to how to solve my existing problems. 1st, i wish someone can just brain wash me which i know is impossible. so just treat that i’m bullshiting. haha. i always bullshit anyway. i wish i could lost my memory someday so i don’t have to keep thinking back to the past things and make myself unhappy and den make everyone unhappy as well. gf is right. i’m fucked up now, and of cos i know. and of cos i know i doesn’t know how to control my feelings. it’s a tough job.. she’s right, i shd try harder. but i don’t care abt having a full time job in tcc anymore. i used to be happy in tcc and now i dread to go work not bcos i hate working there.. but bcos i hate myself for being useless. at some point of time when wati told me she took 2 days to convince tim to convert me to be a full time, i start to think if i’m capable den she dun have to use 2 days to convince him. thus, i believe i’m never capable. i hate it so much. i just can’t wait to leave. i believe there is some place that is meant for me.. maybe a road sweeper? haha.. was crapping with him jus now.. talking abt future stuffs.. 1st time actually chat with him.. kinda weird at how things works.. anyways, i’m heading off for bed now. nite.

sigh, the whole day started bad by a series of events..

1) i woke up in the afternoon and realised HR was looking for me.. and they actually thought i was playing “MIA” game.

2) thus, i went to take a shower and den call tim back and the HR call back and told me to reach the office at ard 2.15p.m.. i left my place at 1p.m and i reached the place at about 3p.m.. guess wat? i forget to bring my cert (excluding my dip cert bcos i haven’t take it) and i have to wait for my younger sis to get it for me.. and I got LOST while finding my way there. =.= and i have to take a cab which costs me almost $5.. lame..

3) everything “went well” at the office.. however, when i stepped out of the office.. it was drizzling.. and when i got into the bus, the rain got heavier.. and i have to walk to cineleisure w/o any umbrella.. lucky for me, a lady came to “resue” and gave me a “shelter” under her umbrella and we walk to cNL. =]

4) reached CNL at 3.45p.m and kelvyn told me i have to work until 12mn instead of 11pm.. i was disappointed bcos i’m looking forward to 11p.m to go gf‘s kbox.. was a little upset.. den amin came in for work.. and i got happier bcos i haven’t work with him for a long time. crapped around with him and den went for my break bcos i was feeling hungry.. and den i asked amin if i reali have to work until 12mn, he let me off at 11pm bcos he knows i wanna go meet gf….

5) the sms from him makes me rather upset too. and everytime i start work at CNL, that kelvyn will ask me to go wash all the glasses. =.= watever.. i don’t know what’s wrong with me.. i couldn’t think well.. smses from him makes me… argh.. so i went to kbox for less than hr and i “left”.. called him to ask him if he wants to meet me bcos i have promised him.. but he some sort attitude towards me.. keep saying i “dua” him and stuffs, it reali pissed me off.. esp when he told me he saw yi hui who is in the same company as him in tekong.. i’m even more pissed when he say i have dated so many guys how he knows the name. fuck it. and i’m feeling hungry.. so i called missy to ask her if she wants to acc me makan.. and mon cherie came down instead bcos he had nothing to do.. he asked me go back but i dun wan.. so we went to visit amin… after that i acc him up and i wanted to go and michael came out and pull me in.. wth. i don’t feel gd leaving the place lidat and den suddenly go back again. and i went in, i saw how pissed gf was… aiyah, i don’t know lah. wtf am i doing??? i kept doing things to piss ppl off.. maybe i will feel better alone i guess.. waited until morning with lim xiao di, missy, bin bin & damien.. went to mac to have breakfast and i share with lim xiao di bcos i don’t eat a lot for breakfast. and he helped me to carry my super heavy bag. haha. very nice of him.. and the rest keep teasing me and him.. duh.. and den damien even ask me to consider lim xiao di.. =.= even missy say the same damn thing.. wth.. it was suppose to be teasing.. they are talking as if it’s real. =.=

i wanna watch the brazil match against ghana.. can’t wait. and seriously, i don’t know what i’m becoming. i really feel i suck a lot nowadays.. i feel so different.. i feel so, hopeless.. sometimes, i think death might be the best solution even though at certain aspect, it’s not a good solution.. sigh.. i’m.. i reali suck alot.. i must put a lot of determination NOT to go too near to him or him.

he’s the hero in the brazil : japan match last nite. and the game was pretty much interesting one. and the hero in the match is ronaldo. his 2 goals in the game was like wow! and the final score is 4:1.. hahaha. somehow, i need a hero in my life too. everyone needed a hero in their lives too. and i don’t need someone who is pissed off when i used my hp to chat with my frens. not like i’m chatting the whole damn nite. i need a hero, a.k.a advisor who will advise me on which path to go after i graduate, whether i have do the correct thing.. and of cos i know i have the worse attitude in the universe.. can’t help it. i just hate ppl to talk to me. and i have to act like as if i don’t give a damn.. and it’s true i don’t care about the job anymore. it’s not like i will “climb” very far working in tcc taking the “company money”. what money are we talking about anyway? hahaha. that’s the very last of me that i wanna show ppl. things aren’t going well for me in there.. saw missy crying last nite.. guys, are always the trouble.. but some people just can’t understand. just like what i will advise ppl – “just forget him, he’s treating u like a rubbish”.. but how often can we do whatever we said? said is easier than done.. and it’s pretty true too.. i tried to give my best to the “company” too. just tell me i’m useless.. but i reali can’t help but to wait to get out from there. i need to get some slp now, i feel so sick now.. haha….

went to watch movie just now. finally watched the movie that i wanted to watch – She’s the man. it’s sooo funny till i kept laughing non stop thru out the movie. wanted to ask gf watch but she has already watched with someone else. so i dragged monkey to acc me since he’s so free.. i love romantic stories.. however, those romantic stories doesnt happens on me. haha. so i can just keep on dreaming till, perhaps, that day comes. lol. i couldn’t take my eyes off that handsome guy, Channing Tatum. damn, he’s so handsome!! muahaha.. looks like i have became an idiot for guys now. f**k. this is so wrong. but think about it… he’s so tall, nice looking. he got watever it takes to be a hunk. in the movie, he’s shy and nice. a good football captain. the kind of guy that will make me fall in love with almost immediately. not love at the 1st sight though. aaaawww.. but guys lidat in singapore has somehow become extinct? sigh.. shy with the girls. hahaha… somehow makes me wanna tease whenever i met a guy lidat too.. sigh.. i can’t take my eyes off this kind of guy.. please, at least let me meet someone like him.. a guy or a girl.. after all, it’s not easy not to dream about it day and nite.. i making myself sounded like an idiot though.. haha.. perhaps, i’m one. otherwise, why until now, i’m still so stupid and dumb? oh whatever. i guess we will have a new Store Manager soon. and tim will be out of RX pretty soon. read the email that he sent us..here it goes..

Hey Sport Fans

It has come to my attention that some of you have been wondering about my lack of presence at the Boutique. Well, simply put, and aside from all the rumors/half-truths running around, I’m taking a step back from RX’s operation and concentrating on the assignments given to me by your vice-president and helping out with the training department. With all that’s been happening at TCC, quite abit of things need to be done and I got the short straw. 😉

No worries though, it’s a new challenge and to tell you the truth, it’s kinda invigorating. 🙂 Anyhow, I’ll still be around till the new Boutique Manager gets selected and sent to us, till then, I’m still here. Rest assured that despite all that has transpired, I’m still gonna be here for you and will have your backs till I’m gone.

Just do what you do best and keep at it. We’ve got a rocky journey ahead with the new direction that company is headed for as well as the upcoming manpower changes/transfers, so keep the faith and thanks for doing an awesome job so far. I, we, the managers appreciate it.

That’s all I got, so stay safe and check your sixes,

Tim.

“There’s No Problem That Can’t Be Solved With Enough C4 And The Right Paperwork”

the end of the story. time to slp soon. haha…. sigh.. i’m reali have second thoughts of staying RX to work as a full time this time around. things are not optimistic for me.. at least i thought that way..

yes!!! brazil won the match against aussie last nite. the best match that i watched. well, that’s because i support them that’s why it’s the best match. haha. the match at 9p.m was kinda boring. that’s japan:croatia.. and sit thru out the game and the score was 0:0, draw. haha. was expecting croatia to win though.. but suddenly japan was like, strong too. aaawww.. after that we went to play computer games and wait until 12mn for the brazil:aust.. and it’s exciting. lol. adraino scored the 1st goal followed by fred. ronaldo was out of the game and was replaced by Robino. =) after that we watched the france:korea match. by that time i’m sooo tired.. until france’s henry scored a goal. from the way they play looks slacking sia. until 81 mins korea scored one goal for themselves den the french starts to gan jiong. LOL. no use, so the final score is 1:1.. lol.. after that we took a cab home lah. cos monkey not feeling well. keep asking him wanna go hm he keep saying no need. =.= before that shawn called to ask me to replace him.. he called so late and i was planning to watch soccer until 3am.. scare i couldn’t wake up and i’m have cough. duh.. and i still agreed to replace him relunctantly. and i end up couldn’t wake up on time, and stil not feeling well. stupid tooty. sigh. i hate my dog.