well well well… couldn’t stay at home for a day so i went out to watch movie.. went to cathay and watched “Just My Luck” and realised, it wasn’t as funny as “She’s the Man”.. after the movie, we went to roam around to find food to eat. bcos by the time we finish our movie is about 9.15pm.. oh well.. =P so we walked from The Cathay to Bugis just to find something to eat.. and i’m famished.. so was he. lol. thank god that he’s willing to acc me lah.. haha.. otherwise i might just die at hm bcos monkey wants to watch soccer at 11pm.. england : ecuador. was a bit shock that england made it to the quarter finals. lol. but i can see that everyone wants them to win the world cup. oh well.. went to take a look at the adidas brazil jacket which costs $129.. but it’s pretty.. sigh.. how? den we went to one chinese kuku place to have our dinner and he offered to treat me even though i want to pay for my share.. oh well.. lucky i insisted on paying my own movie ticket even though he say he treat me.. den i realised the ice milk tea is killing me.. it hurts.. giving me stomach pain.. pls remind me NOT to drink ice milk tea at nite. =[ the sharp pain.. kills me.. anyways, we went to the arcade to play.. wahaha.. we are lousy in the games that we play.. both are equally pa jiao.. lame.. it’s for fun anyways.. lucky we are in time for our last train.. wahahaha.. phew.. thanks for acc me anways.. otherwise i might remain upset for the rest of day if i stay at hm.. sigh.. life doesnt suck at all.. but the person who is making it suck is me. i have a clearer picture as to how to solve my existing problems. 1st, i wish someone can just brain wash me which i know is impossible. so just treat that i’m bullshiting. haha. i always bullshit anyway. i wish i could lost my memory someday so i don’t have to keep thinking back to the past things and make myself unhappy and den make everyone unhappy as well. gf is right. i’m fucked up now, and of cos i know. and of cos i know i doesn’t know how to control my feelings. it’s a tough job.. she’s right, i shd try harder. but i don’t care abt having a full time job in tcc anymore. i used to be happy in tcc and now i dread to go work not bcos i hate working there.. but bcos i hate myself for being useless. at some point of time when wati told me she took 2 days to convince tim to convert me to be a full time, i start to think if i’m capable den she dun have to use 2 days to convince him. thus, i believe i’m never capable. i hate it so much. i just can’t wait to leave. i believe there is some place that is meant for me.. maybe a road sweeper? haha.. was crapping with him jus now.. talking abt future stuffs.. 1st time actually chat with him.. kinda weird at how things works.. anyways, i’m heading off for bed now. nite.

sigh, the whole day started bad by a series of events..

1) i woke up in the afternoon and realised HR was looking for me.. and they actually thought i was playing “MIA” game.

2) thus, i went to take a shower and den call tim back and the HR call back and told me to reach the office at ard 2.15p.m.. i left my place at 1p.m and i reached the place at about 3p.m.. guess wat? i forget to bring my cert (excluding my dip cert bcos i haven’t take it) and i have to wait for my younger sis to get it for me.. and I got LOST while finding my way there. =.= and i have to take a cab which costs me almost $5.. lame..

3) everything “went well” at the office.. however, when i stepped out of the office.. it was drizzling.. and when i got into the bus, the rain got heavier.. and i have to walk to cineleisure w/o any umbrella.. lucky for me, a lady came to “resue” and gave me a “shelter” under her umbrella and we walk to cNL. =]

4) reached CNL at 3.45p.m and kelvyn told me i have to work until 12mn instead of 11pm.. i was disappointed bcos i’m looking forward to 11p.m to go gf‘s kbox.. was a little upset.. den amin came in for work.. and i got happier bcos i haven’t work with him for a long time. crapped around with him and den went for my break bcos i was feeling hungry.. and den i asked amin if i reali have to work until 12mn, he let me off at 11pm bcos he knows i wanna go meet gf….

5) the sms from him makes me rather upset too. and everytime i start work at CNL, that kelvyn will ask me to go wash all the glasses. =.= watever.. i don’t know what’s wrong with me.. i couldn’t think well.. smses from him makes me… argh.. so i went to kbox for less than hr and i “left”.. called him to ask him if he wants to meet me bcos i have promised him.. but he some sort attitude towards me.. keep saying i “dua” him and stuffs, it reali pissed me off.. esp when he told me he saw yi hui who is in the same company as him in tekong.. i’m even more pissed when he say i have dated so many guys how he knows the name. fuck it. and i’m feeling hungry.. so i called missy to ask her if she wants to acc me makan.. and mon cherie came down instead bcos he had nothing to do.. he asked me go back but i dun wan.. so we went to visit amin… after that i acc him up and i wanted to go and michael came out and pull me in.. wth. i don’t feel gd leaving the place lidat and den suddenly go back again. and i went in, i saw how pissed gf was… aiyah, i don’t know lah. wtf am i doing??? i kept doing things to piss ppl off.. maybe i will feel better alone i guess.. waited until morning with lim xiao di, missy, bin bin & damien.. went to mac to have breakfast and i share with lim xiao di bcos i don’t eat a lot for breakfast. and he helped me to carry my super heavy bag. haha. very nice of him.. and the rest keep teasing me and him.. duh.. and den damien even ask me to consider lim xiao di.. =.= even missy say the same damn thing.. wth.. it was suppose to be teasing.. they are talking as if it’s real. =.=

i wanna watch the brazil match against ghana.. can’t wait. and seriously, i don’t know what i’m becoming. i really feel i suck a lot nowadays.. i feel so different.. i feel so, hopeless.. sometimes, i think death might be the best solution even though at certain aspect, it’s not a good solution.. sigh.. i’m.. i reali suck alot.. i must put a lot of determination NOT to go too near to him or him.