Oh Lord God,

please help me. I think I’m out of control since the day he told me about the terrible thing that i DON’T WANT TO KNOW. My heart is aching and crying, my brain is not working, my eyes is watery.. I feel like shouting out loud.. I feel like beating someone to vent my frustration. I feel like every good things we had has came to an end. Betrayal of trust. Betrayal of love. But I love him still. I don’t know why. Dumb? And soon, God, he wouldn’t be my side anymore. Nothing I do for him makes him happy. By never say “No” to him, that girl is better than I am. Thus, I’m always the lousy one. Lord, Please teach me HOW am I supposed to do to give up, let go, forget about this painful love? I tried so hard, but it’s fruitless. Though we are happy, it’s temporary. Lord gave me a good job, good working colleagues, and what more can I ask from you? Everyone says, the one who is suitable, or rather meant for you will come by someday.. And I start to wonder, WHEN? God, I have always been patience. Just like I need more than 15 mins just to connect VPN sometimes it took me 1 hour to do so, but i kept my cool. God, Please make a better person. Hoping working in this new environment, I can learn more and be closer to You. Lucky I was kept busy today by doing stock taking (finished) & check on hundreds of student’s record which i haven’t finish & clearing the store room & most importantly, taking phone calls all day long. This kept me away from thinking that terrible thing.. A few days, i’m still aching & crying. No sympathy. It just make me feel useless. And Cindy (his best friend) added me in frenster. Surprises me. No harm making more frens. It’s time to go into real actions tomorrow. Get myself real drunk. Temporary drunk-ness will make me forget for awhile.

Thank Lord for listening to my troubles. I wished that You can help me. Kill me.

I’m a dummy. thus i’m reading Customer Service for Dummies. =] the thing that i did today was to read this book. but i don’t feel happy at all. i should have let it go. but i don’t know why i can’t. received donald‘s sms wishing me merry christmas today. kinda weird. bcos, we have stopped contacting since the day we broke up. and then he asked if we could have another chance. what’s with him? he said he misses me. he remembers my bday. but then? i don’t need another liar in my life. i have stopped liking him since the day he lied to me. but why each time i’m having problem with him, donald would be the one ‘coming’ to me? WHY? is this a kind of connection or is this a joke? holy cow. i hate this coming. i just have to LET GO. never to see him again. never. i’m sad.

in this world, there isnt anything call true love. =] that’s a very precious lesson i have learnt right after christmas. why be in a serious relationship when u can just fool around before finding ur “true love”. crap. guys are always guys. they are always after lust (except certain guys i believed). LUST. 4 letter words, yet so powerful. yet this is the 4 letter words that guys always denied. i strongly believe that a guy after a ger is either he’s really in love with her OR he’s just being horny. look at those guys with big boobs gf. look at those big boobs gf who wear low cut, who went clubbing, who do crazy and weird stuffs. i look at them, den look at myself. am i worse than those girls in club? i am just inferior compared to them. i just dun understand why this is happening to me. WHY? am i not good? bad. very bad. i’m VERY bad. i know. because that’s what he said to me. stupid? am i stupid? i am, was, were stupid before. this shall not happen again. i shall not let him use another welcome, li shan, cindy or even apple to hurt my feeling again. 4 times. he still do not understand why i have donald. he don’t. and i don’t feel the same anymore as of from today. i’m hurt. very hurt. so hurt. till i almost can die. my tears dropped. kept dropping. but it wouldnt change the fact that he disappointed me. he said he chose me over welcome. but he dun trust me. from now, i don’t exist in his life anymore. that’s what he wants. i don’t understand him and i wouldnt. i believed that he still loves me and still wants to get back together. i was happy. but my world falls apart. because of him. the story ends here. our story. it’s going to be a new beginning for me. if not for him, i would have begin a new chapter. i was stupid. or people say i was thinking too much. he said he was giving us another chance by spending xmas with me. because he could see that i’m trying so hard that he didn’t want to disappoint me. i rather he disappoint me by not celebrate xmas with me than finding out he‘s supposed to meet her for xmas. even though hes physically with me, his heart isn’t. he told me that. i strongly believed too. the man whom i believe will never lied to me, lied to me by writing those lies in the card that he gave me. another liar. i don’t need a lie to keep me get going. after talking to ah kang for half an hour. he made me realised, i’m dumb even though i didn’t told him what happened. in the end who was by my side? my so-called-lousy frens. they are the one who are so precious to me. yet he claimed he knows little moomooz. piggy is dead. so long ago i realised. he pretended to be so nice to me. pretended that he still loves me. pretended that he cares for me. pretended to put our neoprint in his wallet. all these are fake. so fake and yet i can’t feel it. i’m stupid. very.. it cause my heart to ache so much. my heart is broken.

nevertheless, i went ahead to watch movie with bren, joseph, ah di & ah kang because she asked me ytd. we went to The Cathay to watch “Curse of the golden flower”. this movie doesn’t really have an ending. or am i stupid not to understand the ending? whatever it is. jay doesn’t suit movies like this. he’s too cool for this character. the show is not bad though. 2.5 stars. haha. i’m glad to have frens around me when i’m feeling sad. cos they never fail to cheer me up. and i feel so bad to have spoil their day just lidat. my bad. we went to P.S mac to have supper because we are feeling hungry.. den we took a cab home. i still dun feel happy. but i’m happy and surprised when a student said i’m good. =] so happy because i got praised.. and i have to pretend to be happy regardless of whatever. because i have learnt it from tim, work is work. personal is personal. never to bring personal stuffs to work. once u r in the workplace, u r working for the company and not for urself. right. he’s right. it’s just me who couldn’t put down the past behind me. i shall do that. i need to be strong. but just let me cry for awhile.

It’s christmas Day today and i’m lacking of sleep. Gosh. no wonder i’m having lots of pimples. Went to city hall to pass uncle lim his cam, which i have borrowed for MONTHS, and den went to town with monkey.. with the intention to pass my sis her stupid jacket which i have carried around since YESTERDAY. why am i always so stupid? i actually believe that she’ll pick up her stupid jacket. i was WRONG. =.= thus, she owed me a present from bangkok & a meal. who cares? she wasted my effort. otherwise i would have throw her stupid jacket into the rubbish bin. !@#$%”!@#$%;*()

anyways, i bought a jacket too.. =] quite nice. shall take a pic after i washed it. den me & monkey went to Cine bcos it was drizzling.. and we bought tickets for “Death Note 2”. i went to Body shop and bought bday presents because i’m so running out of time and then i saw Gina. The movie is not bad though, but i didn’t expect it to be so long. haha. before movie we went to the Hong Kong Cafe to have our breakfast “cum” lunch “cum” dinner “cum” supper. long winded. hahaha. after movie i went to meet Peili to collect my christmas present! cool. chill for awhile den headed back home.

The table setting. LOL. i did it out of boredom.

what else can i do while waiting for food?

Ice milo dino

How about some french toast?

hmm, what about Pork Chop with french fries?

Siew mai?

Chicken wings?

pork chop baked pasta??

sumptuous meal huh? LOL.

me & monkey

my christmas present from Peili

Went out with him last nite. =] went to marina sq.. because din reali wanna join in the u-spray-me-and-i-spray-u-back thingy. make myself super dirty is a bit NO-NO. finally had my fav KFC for dinner… =] haven’t been eating for a LONG time. wanted go watch a movie but i’m not in the mood for a movie. so we forsake the movie and went on to suntec.. i bought myself a Topshop top and a fossil wallet. =] sense of satisfaction! =] den about 12plus damien called me and i went to look for him, his gf & fang chew. haha. took some pic of cos.

me & little booboO!

lao gong gong, jia ru & me

lao gong gong, jia ru, me & him

lao gong gong, jia ru, me & uncle lim

my new wallet. =]

Merry Christmas to everyone!!

Woke up this morning and find my right eye SWOLLEN. it feels like someone just boxed me. =X damn. so my right eyes couldn’t open and i tried to open, it will “shut down” after awhile. haha. so i went to consult the doctor after i bath in the morning, because the pain is unbearable. still not sure what happened to my eyes, but the doctor gave me medicine for my stomachaches. i kept having stomachaches everyday since last week. i thought was because my menses is coming that’s why i’m have stomachache (because b4 my menses come, i always have stomachache for like 3 days?). then the doc conclusion is maybe because i was feeling stress, thus, causing my bowel to blah blah blah.. and i have spent $33 on that alone. =X i went home after consulting the doctor, and fall aslp until almost 2pm. den i had my lunch and rush out to buy turkey for the tcc party. but i couldn’t find the small turkey because it’s sold out. so me & asli shared 2 spiced chickent & 2 black pepper chicken. den i bought a pair of shoes for myself during my boring time. and took a new Full Timer, xin yan (if i didn’t rem the name wrongly) to Liang Court because she doesn’t know where… so by the time the party started, i have to leave and meet elise & co for movie. so tim carry me & spin 6 rounds and my head is spinning. =X but it’s funny.. just too bad that i have to leave so early. Went to watch “Night at the Museum”.. not bad, but not that fantastic. and we went to tcc chill because i saw amin inside. =] den we went home. Just took a few pics with those who are near me. for those who i didn’t managed to take pics with, feel quite wasted. because it’s not always we have parties. =(

The big head santa we saw at Liang Court. Isn’t he CUTE?

Susu & me

“Bf” & “Gf”.

Gfs

Guo bin, Ming ge-ge & me

me, elise & ngoc

me & elise

me & ngoc

who is HE?

from tcc. tibbits from pat. coffee bean cup from asli, X-men from tim

I was once a RX-men. =D

Friday, 22.12.2006

Went to give out flyers yesterday evening (friday evening). and it was my 1st time giving out flyers.. i find it weird actually because giving out flyers isn’t something i would do. however, in this case, i have NO choice, ahaha. after giving out flyers for 3 hours, my arms are so aching till when i meet him for dinner, my hand was shaking when i hold my bowl of rice up. =X nevertheless, we went to have our Ben & Jerry ice cream. YummY! How tempting is the ice cream. =X

yUmmY~

Believer Music Christmas Partyy 2006

Bernice & me

The “fierce-some” pamela & me

Me & daniel wilson

Me & danny~

Singing christmas Carol

Let’s sing.

Me & josephine

The “christmas tree” with LOTS of presents. LOL.

Had a christmas party at Believer Music today. Partly because today is the day where most coaches come in (except Shaun & one more guy). We had some food (but i didn’t eat because i don’t feel like eating.) and get to know each other, like some ice breaker game. let me think what i have received today. Here are some of the items:

– 2 small packets of M&N chocolates
– 1 small box of rocher
– 1 small box of koko krunch
– 1 jelly
– 1 hp thingy with my name
– 1 pair of hp thingy
– 1 lip gloss (realised ppl likes to give me that LOL)
– 1 candy cane
– 1 elephant bookmark
– $25 dollars of Tecman Vouchers
– 1 small packet of layers potato chips
– 1 hp “sofa”
– 1 timeOut

haha. and the list go on (like real, that’s all. LOL).. and i’m soooo shag now. so it’s time to slp. and i have yet finish buying my christmas present. holy cow. =X nitey ppl.

Tuesday, 19 December 2006
Happy Birthday! =]

me & darling at vivo

see the =) on her face?

our sumptuous meal

Her birthday “cake”

See heR?

Us.

at MRT station

Cupcakes by darling. (She bought it of cos. LOL)

Monday, 18th Dec 06

me & asli

am i cool? cowgirl. LOL

Ladder?

They looked tired don’t they?

do they have the -i-feel-home feeling?

fireplace & christmas tree is a MUST

Long time NO see!!

Tcc, a place i missed.

Kbox SessioN! Saturday, 16th Dec 06

me & bren

bren, me & jiaru

me & the always drunk uncle lim.

bren, ah kang & me

Me & ah di

Loving couple.

lao gong gong, his gf & me

Chivas?