Curse of the golden flower

in this world, there isnt anything call true love. =] that’s a very precious lesson i have learnt right after christmas. why be in a serious relationship when u can just fool around before finding ur “true love”. crap. guys are always guys. they are always after lust (except certain guys i believed). LUST. 4 letter words, yet so powerful. yet this is the 4 letter words that guys always denied. i strongly believe that a guy after a ger is either he’s really in love with her OR he’s just being horny. look at those guys with big boobs gf. look at those big boobs gf who wear low cut, who went clubbing, who do crazy and weird stuffs. i look at them, den look at myself. am i worse than those girls in club? i am just inferior compared to them. i just dun understand why this is happening to me. WHY? am i not good? bad. very bad. i’m VERY bad. i know. because that’s what he said to me. stupid? am i stupid? i am, was, were stupid before. this shall not happen again. i shall not let him use another welcome, li shan, cindy or even apple to hurt my feeling again. 4 times. he still do not understand why i have donald. he don’t. and i don’t feel the same anymore as of from today. i’m hurt. very hurt. so hurt. till i almost can die. my tears dropped. kept dropping. but it wouldnt change the fact that he disappointed me. he said he chose me over welcome. but he dun trust me. from now, i don’t exist in his life anymore. that’s what he wants. i don’t understand him and i wouldnt. i believed that he still loves me and still wants to get back together. i was happy. but my world falls apart. because of him. the story ends here. our story. it’s going to be a new beginning for me. if not for him, i would have begin a new chapter. i was stupid. or people say i was thinking too much. he said he was giving us another chance by spending xmas with me. because he could see that i’m trying so hard that he didn’t want to disappoint me. i rather he disappoint me by not celebrate xmas with me than finding out he‘s supposed to meet her for xmas. even though hes physically with me, his heart isn’t. he told me that. i strongly believed too. the man whom i believe will never lied to me, lied to me by writing those lies in the card that he gave me. another liar. i don’t need a lie to keep me get going. after talking to ah kang for half an hour. he made me realised, i’m dumb even though i didn’t told him what happened. in the end who was by my side? my so-called-lousy frens. they are the one who are so precious to me. yet he claimed he knows little moomooz. piggy is dead. so long ago i realised. he pretended to be so nice to me. pretended that he still loves me. pretended that he cares for me. pretended to put our neoprint in his wallet. all these are fake. so fake and yet i can’t feel it. i’m stupid. very.. it cause my heart to ache so much. my heart is broken.

nevertheless, i went ahead to watch movie with bren, joseph, ah di & ah kang because she asked me ytd. we went to The Cathay to watch “Curse of the golden flower”. this movie doesn’t really have an ending. or am i stupid not to understand the ending? whatever it is. jay doesn’t suit movies like this. he’s too cool for this character. the show is not bad though. 2.5 stars. haha. i’m glad to have frens around me when i’m feeling sad. cos they never fail to cheer me up. and i feel so bad to have spoil their day just lidat. my bad. we went to P.S mac to have supper because we are feeling hungry.. den we took a cab home. i still dun feel happy. but i’m happy and surprised when a student said i’m good. =] so happy because i got praised.. and i have to pretend to be happy regardless of whatever. because i have learnt it from tim, work is work. personal is personal. never to bring personal stuffs to work. once u r in the workplace, u r working for the company and not for urself. right. he’s right. it’s just me who couldn’t put down the past behind me. i shall do that. i need to be strong. but just let me cry for awhile.