i m feeling depressed.
then i was thinking how come my boyfriend is like that?
when i told him i don’t wanna meet him in the morning, he didn’t bother to ask me again if i wanna meet him.
then he go ahead and meet his friends because he assumed that i’m going out with my friend.
and i’m upset.
when i asked him why he didn’t ask me again if i wanna meet him.. he’s speechless…
then he say, “sorry lah……………”
what’s with the lah? do i sound like i’m hard to please?
but i am a girl too leh.
i don’t like bf. he always say don’t wanna meet me. i shall not meet him then.
this relationship is somehow going to nowhere i guess. tiring and pointless.
it’s so happening today! went Mambo night with Josephine and Jasmine & her friends! isn’t it happening? but i’m so tired rite now. *yawn* gotta slp! nite.
i hate it whenever he used attitude tones to talk to me. whatever. can’t be bother too much. i was trying to talk to him but he just give me those i-aint-interested-in-talking-to-u tone. sigh. what’s with these army guys? can’t understand. always expect me to reply him immed when he smsed me when he knows i’m with my friend, otherwise he will feel unimportant. aiyo. i GIVE UP.
today is a bz day as well. but i SURVIVED. den i dropped by tcc bcos sue asked me to. bcos she needs to check my facial complexion as she’s ‘lending’ me to her fren as her fren’s model – for her exam. if you dunno what i am talking abt, sue and her friend are taking those make up artist courses, so their exam’s coming, thus, i’m the ‘model’ if i pass the ‘interview’. LOL. after listening to what sue has said, i feel it’s very unfair for her to remain as a full time, and doing a manager’s job.. and the worse part is, co-workers do not cooporate with her. imagine if you are in her shoes, what would you do? and i realised, i haven’t reali talked to her for quite some time because i was so busy to ask her out. oh man. how i miss her. anyways, i meet up with Lawerence for SUPPER. yup. we went to Bukit Timah prata place (the one near NP) to eat. damn, i had 2.5 pieces of flour (1 cheese prata, 1 cheese mushroom prata & one prata pisang). i’m full now. LOL. been feeling hungry in the middle of the night and have nothing to eat. it was my suggestion to Lawerence tat we shd go out for SUPPER because i have the sudden hunger while chatting with him last night. and he was having the SAME IDEA too! great minds think alike. =] lol. he was driving a different car today, so out of curious, i asked him if he has many car… guess what he say? he say ‘no lah. 4 only’. =.= i almost flip and die in his car. hahahaha. it’s nice to have supper with someone who doesn’t slp early and stays near your hse. so i told him we shall play mahjong someday. LOL.
i had a dream today. i think i have been wanting to go overseas so much till i dreamt abt it. i must be crazy. but i have forgotten most of its content. oh man. but in my dreams, i dreamt i went overseas with my bf and his friends and i think my friends too. oh man. just couldn’t remember my dream. but i know it’s a good dream. but when will my dream come TRUE?!
Monday is always a damn bz day for me. and because today is the ‘last’ day to register for the course, thus, i have never ending phone calls coming in. and then there is a lot of ppl coming in asking for this and tat. omg. but tml MS TAN will be coming back. nope, not me. it’s PAM. yes. it’s her. 4 months, i haven’t see her for that long. oh man.
Sunday, 24.06.2007
Shopping spree. it’s GSS (Great Singapore Sale), darling and me wanted to shop for some stuffs before the 7% GST starts. Everything starts in a good way, it’s only after my dinner that i became so sick. stomach ache. we went to taka, then to far east. this is my damaged done for just today:
Esttusais mask & eye concealer: $78 [comes with a free bag]
Pull and Bear Jeans: $49
Dress: $43
Damaged done: $170
OMG. that’s a lot. and i still didn’t manage to get anythng for baby because, i scare he wouldn’t like the things i buy for him.. wouldn’t it be nice for him to choose himself and i pay for him.. not PSP or GUITAR though. =] and now i have a ‘bun’ on my head becos i hit my head REAL hard onto the cupboard door while carrying tooty up onto the bed. it’s reali pain de loh. lol.
ok. i think we make up already. thus, ending the 3 days quarrel. €but i still can’t help to find him treating me rather cold, giving me attitude whenever he’s angry [and i’m not supposed to give him attitude when i’m angry, i’m not supposed to ignore him neither. but he’s doing all these to ME]. was he trying to give me the “i am fucking angry” attitude so i’ll be scared of him and then will try my best to behave like a good girl, be whoever he wants me to be; so that he wouldn’t leave me.
but then… sometimes, it set me pondering how come some guys are so revengeful whereas some guys are such a gentlemen. BUT where have ALL the GENTLEMEN gone to? i don’t know. seriously, i think my life is lacking of gentlemen. lacking – it doesn’t mean that my life has NO gentlemen, just… lacking. when baby say he wants to do it back at me, so that i could feel the same way he felt… my very first impression was, what kind of bf is he? revengeful one? oh man, why do i keep ending up with a jerk? i almost have this tendency to tell him that i want a break up. simply because i can’t accept my bf behaving in certain ways:
Verbal abuse. It’s not like i have NEVER been through, but you have serious no idea how hurtful it can be. ‘Sorry’ can’t take away the hurt that he has given me. it was printed onto my heart. no matter how hard i tried, it just wouldn’t go off. i spent 3 nights crying damn hard. i know my younger sis know that i’m sad, so she used MY elmo to cheer me up. i know my colleagues knows i’m sad, so they always asked if i’m ok.. but i always tried to pretend to be happy. but the only time i’m happy is when i finally make up with bf.
when i told aunty Dorcas that i have finally ended my quarrel with my bf, she said that she could sense that. she has been seeing me uphappy these past days when she came in… i didn’t tell her what happened on sunday until today.. when i was feeling better. i was really sad, on the verge of crying already everytime i failed to receive his reply. when i asked him why he didn’t reply me, he would say ‘need to always reply meh?’, ‘nothing to reply, so never reply loh’… or he would try to say i was demanding him to do something which he always did but suddenly never do… i was so upset till i don’t have any appetite for food the whole afternoon, so marcus was like asking, “jaymee, you had a lot of food in the morning is it? how come u never say you are hungry today?”… a sad person is a lifeless person. can u imagine how sad i’m for the past 3 days? noone understands how i truly felt. even though baby has apologised for saying those nasty things, but it doesn’t mean that it wouldn’t happen again. once bitten twice shy.
baby.. can u see my heart crying and bleeding at the same time? do u even know that the things u said are just like you using a knife and pierced into my heart.
No, u didn’t see that. because if you did, u will never do or say such things to me; simply because you love me. i believed you love me, and i know i love you. U felt that you are not important to me, then why did i placed you in the most place – my heart? why do i feel uneasy not receiving your sms every morning when i wake up? when u r angry, u shut me out totally. do you know how i feel as a girlfriend? suddenly i feel so unwanted by you. i’m so sad now. can he feel that? he said he doesn’t wanna lose me, but how long can we reali last? sometimes, i really feel the stress in this r/s. help me please. help me understand more.
It’s time to review on this ‘current relationship’ that i am having.
– No call
– No sms reply
– No news from him
i decided to take initiative to sms him first after considering for a very long after what he had said last night: You in the fucking wrong. don’t dude me..go on flirting.i won’t stop you.i’m going out for fun this week.don’t come near me because you are fucking disgusting..bye don’t reply me please i beg you..you getting really irritating.
What will you do if you were me? I know that was supposed to be angry words. But it was the very first time he used the word [fuck] on me. and i strongly believe, if there is a first time, there will be a second time.
cry babe. cry babe. CRY. girls are born emotionally. i shall remember what he said today.
I bought this cute drink (even though the drink is out for X years, but it’s in can~!)
me & Shaun
me & my sister
yup, the 3 of us.
i simply hate it when a guy has no respect for his lady. No respect for me will only end up in break up. and i’m very serious about it. be it, angry words or not. and i simply hate it when my BF says i’m FLIRTING with another guy because i failed to inform him which guy i went out with. then, he said he don’t trust me anymore because i broke the trust. he said i didn’t tell him when i see him. well, at least i told him i’m going over to my sis’s pub and common sense would tell him i WOULDN’T go such places ALONE. and then he say he doesn’t wanna see me for this coming week. so be it. i have had enough of this tantrum. i believe i don’t have to seek for his permission to go out with any guy/girl frens. this is what i call human rights. i’m not even married to him, and even so, i have my own right to go out with my frens. be it girl or boy, man or woman, uncle or auntie. a guy who doesn’t give respect to girl can’t be any good. sometimes, i feel that this bf of mine isn’t respecting me at all. everyone just tell me that i should know him more before i enter the relationship with him.. i think i was blind then. sometimes humans do regret. when he’s the THIRD bf saying the SAME thing. i have this urge to end this earlier because i believe i don’t have to torlerate this kind of childish behaviour and i don’t deserve it. after all, it’s not like noone wants me. he promised not to repeat other bf’s words, but promises are meant to be broken. he even accuse me that i’m using “missing my sis” as an excuse to go out with Shaun. and this is holy crap. he was the one who didn’t wanna acc me on saturday night because he had spent quite a lot of money on friday, now he said things lidat? we had our quarrels fortnightly. how nice. argh. HELP! i’m upset by this.
Listen to my heart beat 