ok. i think we make up already. thus, ending the 3 days quarrel. €but i still can’t help to find him treating me rather cold, giving me attitude whenever he’s angry [and i’m not supposed to give him attitude when i’m angry, i’m not supposed to ignore him neither. but he’s doing all these to ME]. was he trying to give me the “i am fucking angry” attitude so i’ll be scared of him and then will try my best to behave like a good girl, be whoever he wants me to be; so that he wouldn’t leave me.
but then… sometimes, it set me pondering how come some guys are so revengeful whereas some guys are such a gentlemen. BUT where have ALL the GENTLEMEN gone to? i don’t know. seriously, i think my life is lacking of gentlemen. lacking – it doesn’t mean that my life has NO gentlemen, just… lacking. when baby say he wants to do it back at me, so that i could feel the same way he felt… my very first impression was, what kind of bf is he? revengeful one? oh man, why do i keep ending up with a jerk? i almost have this tendency to tell him that i want a break up. simply because i can’t accept my bf behaving in certain ways:
- revengeful e.g. do things back at me so that i can have taste of it, even i have apologised and promised to NEVER do it again
- use the ‘f’ word on me e.g. fuck you bitch, fuck off, fucking ….. whatever that u can think of
- scold me the nastiest thing in the world. e.g. bitach, say i flirt, say i’m cheating on him, say i’m out to cheat his money….
- only want me for sex
Verbal abuse. It’s not like i have NEVER been through, but you have serious no idea how hurtful it can be. ‘Sorry’ can’t take away the hurt that he has given me. it was printed onto my heart. no matter how hard i tried, it just wouldn’t go off. i spent 3 nights crying damn hard. i know my younger sis know that i’m sad, so she used MY elmo to cheer me up. i know my colleagues knows i’m sad, so they always asked if i’m ok.. but i always tried to pretend to be happy. but the only time i’m happy is when i finally make up with bf.
when i told aunty Dorcas that i have finally ended my quarrel with my bf, she said that she could sense that. she has been seeing me uphappy these past days when she came in… i didn’t tell her what happened on sunday until today.. when i was feeling better. i was really sad, on the verge of crying already everytime i failed to receive his reply. when i asked him why he didn’t reply me, he would say ‘need to always reply meh?’, ‘nothing to reply, so never reply loh’… or he would try to say i was demanding him to do something which he always did but suddenly never do… i was so upset till i don’t have any appetite for food the whole afternoon, so marcus was like asking, “jaymee, you had a lot of food in the morning is it? how come u never say you are hungry today?”… a sad person is a lifeless person. can u imagine how sad i’m for the past 3 days? noone understands how i truly felt. even though baby has apologised for saying those nasty things, but it doesn’t mean that it wouldn’t happen again. once bitten twice shy.
Listen to my heart beat 