GUess what? I just reached home from supper with IRwin, Jasmine & Abigail. =] I don’t know why i can stay in BMI for like 2 1/2 hrs (from 10.15p.m all the way until 12.40mn) doing nothing (ok lah, actually i was reading a book titled ‘I kissed Dating Goodbye’ by Joshua Harris? if i got the authur’s name correct.. then i went off to practise my keyboard WDI. yup, i have upgraded! i mean promoted. muahahaha).. den when irwin came out and told me it’s about time to go, i was taking my own sweet time and while chatting with Jasmine & Abi, then i realised it’s 12 plus. =.= GOSH. Then Irwin says he will send us home, so on our way back (bcos Jasmine was talking about having supper and Jaymee’s hungry too).. den we dropped by the Famous Boon Lay Nasi Lemak stall. Yes, SUPPER. =] oh btw, did i mention what time did Irwin told me he will send us home? he say around 11.15p.m – 11.30p.m, den dragged to 11.45p.m and yes, we left the place at 12.40mn. LOL. Omgosh. Cheated. But nevermind, he paid for the supper. Oh well. Had a good time practising my keyboard. I learnt fills today. =]

Was on MC yesterday but eyes got better during the evening time, so i went to meet hunnie. Doctor say maybe i have mild allergy to the medicine i took the night before, thus causing my eyes to swollen. But it’s nothing too serious. den we went to Bugis, cos her sister introduced her a manicure place which is damn cheap, but we need to make an appointment. so out appointment will be next week saturday. =] bf called to ask me if i wanna go east coast with him… oh well.. it’s damn far lah. i didn’t wanna go… but hunnie’s bf is going there so i went too… since i got free ride. =D den i went to meet bf. it’s a little too much lah. he laughed at me because i have never been to east coast coasta sand chalet before. =.= i think he really don’t like me.. maybe… i was… thinking too much. he likes to do things back at me.. like saying my hp was given by another guy when i say not all programmers are that good. oh well.. whatever… and then i realised, ALL the people in the chalet smokes, except me.. can u imagine i have inhale a lot of second hand smoke? haha. and the worse part is, bf say i’m fine with it. =] it seems like bf doesn’t really understand me. that i’m rather sensitive to smoke or strong frangance.

GOSH. my right eye is SWOLLEN NOW! help help help! that’s ugly loh. it just swollen out of the blue. wondering if it gotta do with the medicine i took just now. =[ gonna take MC again when i took MC today. humph. i got this feeling that when i wake up tml, i won’t be able to open both eyes. =[

**gonna thank marcus for covering my morning shift and josephine for the afternoon shift. feel damn bad can! =[ thanks alot. =]

After so much writing, i just love him too much lah. HOw to let go?!

Can God send someone down to save me? =[ i’m hopelessly drowing in this. i can’t think anymore. and i’m falling sick. can you help me? =[ because i missed him so much… but he doesn’t wanna see me.. and this really hurts me lot. can you see my heart bleeding and crying at the same time? he asked me to think of a solution to this.. but even i can think of a hundred solution, i know i will make the mistake subconsciouness. i don’t wanna promise him and den i made the mistake again, this will make him even more pissed. But i’m only a human. Human error.. It’s common. Why doesn’t he allow me to make mistake when he can? OR, should i really forsake this and continue? after all… it’s not like i can’t have a new bf… but i love him so much.. =[

i’m really sorry le loh. for not completing my sentence. it was unintentional… but den why does bf treat me like grass now? = am i worthless?

Yup. I have double confirm chopped, that this relationship hopelessly childish and that it cannot be saved. I have asked him twice as usual, or maybe in the past i would have asked more times… but, what’s the point? He got his ego thingy.. CHildish guys, i have had enough. and they should be OUT of my life and NEVER to come in again. my doors are shut now. unless, there is a guy who will make me feel so treasured, loved by him.. and this could go on forever without change. for him? it changed. He’s a totally changed person now. Fancy him throwing temper on me just because i failed to type my sentence properly.. missing out the word “out” after the going. I have put my heart and soul in it. So now it’s time for me to take my heart and soul out. Can’t believe that the reason for us to break up can be so stupid. I gave in, I apologized to him… but he refused step back. He wants to be mad. So be it. I have contributed enough tears and time and energy… trying to do all i can to save this relationship. But in a relationship it takes 2 hands to clap. i wanted to clap, he doesn’t wanna lend me his hand, this fails. I have loved him. I tried to do my part. And this is the end.

aiyo, fengyun, how many times must i tell you once you break up from a relationship, you must learn to accept it! why are you still persistant to know if he still loves you? does it matters now? if he loves you; really loves you, would he mention break up in the first place when he’s angry? that’s if he really loves you. now that he mentioned break up, it means that he no longer loves you.. or perhaps he has changed of heart? you should have notice the change long time ago. or you have noticed it long time ago? he’s a changed person now. if you realised, maybe long time ago he stopped loving you and he was only using this as an excuse to break up? you will never know. anyways, there are alot of guys out there what. why? scare you can’t get a bf meh? even if you can’t get a bf it’s ok what, you still have your friends around. maybe you were too giving in this relationship, that’s why this relationship doesn’t work out. in the past you were stubborn, now you are giving. either way, your relationship doesn’t last at all. you and him are not meant to be. i think i have told you maybe a thousand times. wake up from your idea ok? see this is what happens when you tries HARD. be smarter the next time so you wouldn’t get hurt alright? it hurts to see you cry so much.

Judge: You have been given a death sentence.

Me: WHY?!

Judge: The charges are: Failed to report to bf your whereabout and who are you are out with.

Me: But I’m still trying hard. I did told him i’m going to eat. Ok, maybe i missed out the “out” after the going. But still, it’s not a big deal. I’m having supper with the same person and nearby!

Judge: It doesn’t matter. As long as you failed to report, you are being charge of the guilt.

Me: But giving me death sentence is being unfair to me!

Judge: You asked for it. Your bf has warned you many times.

Me: But i’m trying hard! Why can’t he give me more time?

Judge: He doesn’t wanna give you time anymore. The sentence takes effect from today.

he cares! =D

i guess, we are running out of love. we started so fast, now we have got nothing left. do we still have the love from the beginning? i could sense it flowing away; away from us.

i guess, we are running out of patience. we were too patience from the beginning, now we left with zero patience. time has sucked all the patience away from us.

i guess, we have personality crash. we are two stubborn people together. but i don’t want to be the only one giving in to you. can’t you just give in to me? sometimes, the actions u did to me, really hurts me deeply; without you realising.

i guess, we have nothing left to say but angry words. my angry words, his angry words. this is never gonna end. i know. i just knew it.

i guess, we are running out of time. thus this is the end of our love story? it takes 2 hands to clap. i don’t wanna be in this relationship alone. where are u? i don’t see you anywhere anymore. i do not want a prolong relationship that leds us to nowhere. both of us need a direction to somewhere. i was hoping that you will be my direction, someone whom i can follow forever. but somehow, i guess this decision made was wrong. we are not meant to be. [if we are meant to be, God tell me. or YOU tell me?]

if i can’t use my blog to vent out my anger. den what’s the point of my blog?