How many times has he wrote to me to tell me he loves me? tell me he misses me? it lasts for 2 months. then, no more. He deleted my friendster testimonials from me to him. soon enough he will delete me off. and i’ll still be the one standing here and let him hurt me even more. I need to get out of this soon. with no apparent reason, he called me. ha. only God knows what he’s thinking, or perhaps not. i’ve been taken granted for.

What the hell is he thinking? Or rather what the hell am i thinking? Why am i still bothered about him getting himself drunk in the middle of the night? WHY? it is so stupid. he was telling you to GET LOST on Sunday night when you went to look for him and suddenly he called you in the middle of the night to go to his house to take care of him because he’s drunk. What does he wants from me? Here i am trying hard to forget about him, and there he is doing this thing to me. WHY WHY WHY? i hate myself for being me. i need to learn to be hard hearted. like him. quit calling me when you are drunk. i don’t wanna care anymore. each time i care about you, i fall deeper into this trap that you laid out for me. can someone save me?!

Let me post something happy here. =] here i go:

went to beach last saturday with Shaiful. and it was a very fruitful trip. we went for some cycling from Siloso Beach – Palawan Beach – Tanjong Beach (which is the dirtiest of all) and then back to where we start. we had some Ben & Jerry ice cream before we head back to the Beach station for our Musical Fountain – Songs of the Sea. and it’s so pretty, that you won’t regret paying the $6. please i must tell you, the start of the musical, is damn lame can. LOL. then i went home to get change and head to Clarke Quay to meet my sis & her bf for some drinking session and headed back home. Gosh, so tired… and was supposed to meet Chen Yang for some singing session on Sunday, but because i wasn’t feeling too well… so i have to postpone it.. and at night, i have to drag myself out to meet Qing Fu to watch “Resident Evil: Extinction”.. =]

my love has died as of today. i have no more f**king reasons to see him or even contact him anymore. i’ve been taken granted for. and it’s not worth of my tears anymore. i couldn’t even cry now.. so i will use my energy to concentrate on other stuffs and i will try to never contact him anymore.. it’s time for some change. i’m sure it will be good. and when i meet that person who is my destiny, i will be glad that me & him are over. =]

My heart was broken into pieces long time ago. and he didn’t wanna mend my broken heart. and he chose to break my heart into even small pieces until i can’t mend it myself. he was being crude to me. he called me, to tell me he asked a girl whom he know from the pub to wake him up at 5.30a.m on sunday. when i heard that, it feels like he used a knife and pierced into my heart. i think i have cared too much. too much until he thinks that he can play with my feelings. we are just friends. he said that. i will remember that too. i was being so silly, to let him step over my head and giving in to him all the time. and he says i’m irritating and he hates me. why? because i cared too much about him. he can jolly well go to EVERY SINGLE PUB and know ALL THE WAITRESS there and maybe ask them to give him MORNING CALL. for ALL I CARE. I DON’T GIVE A DAMN to HIM ANYMORE. i swear. i can’t stand him ignoring me.. but he shall be ignored from today onwards. i love him too much. but i shall STOP loving him from today onwards. Maybe he won’t regret for treating me this way now, but he will regret someday.

having diarrhoea for 3 damn days isn’t fun at all; it means that you have to go toilet 3 times a day. and if i continue to shit somemore, you won’t see me anymore.

just finish chatting with Shaiful. and i realized my life is revolving around him him him (JJ)… When i read thru my blog entries, which of it is NOT about him? when it comes to him, it makes me feel so sad. makes me so heartbroken.. but it’s so truth.. he chose to break up with me.. why am i still… he’s not ready to commit… and i’m committing so much.. it’s not fair.. and of cos i’m not hearing nice stuffs from Shaiful. What am i supposed to do now? i love him, but………………………………………..

went to meet him again last night. and it makes me happy.. feeling so tired… yawns.. and then suddenly i remembered he bought a Gundam toy to fix.. but i haven’t seen him fixing it, so i asked him.. and then he say he will do it when he’s free. LOL. both of us laughed. isn’t he on leave till Sunday and when he wake up, he will be staring at his computer screen playing WoW or Dota or surfing net the whole day..? I saw his cheeky smile. and then he say “den you do lah”.. i wish to fix the toy with him! ah, that will be so nice.. and then i went to shower and slept thru out the night.. i can slp so well at his house.. because there is no tooty barking at ah ma or making funny noise under my bed. =D and i had lunch at his house too (his aunt gave me chicken pie yesterday too).. because his aunt cooked and so i ate before i headed home to change and head for work… =] will be meeting him for dinner tomorrow. i made him to. ha.

we had sushi party for dinner yesterday! and everyone snatch it before i could take a picture of our food. oh well, this only explains how hungry we are. lol.

and then we stayed back for Taboo. it was supposed to be a farewell for Wilson because he will not be with us from next week onwards, as he’s joining his church for full time. Amen! God’s calling i supposed. What’s my calling?

I went to meet him last night, and it makes me happy just seeing him… and the little concerns he showed.. oh well.. how i wished.. he’s on leave till this saturday… i was wondering if i should ask him out for dinner on weekends… but… that’s why i’m in a dilemma. =[

when will i start to learn not to miss him so much?

i wanted to see him so much… but he said it’s late, so we didn’t meet. but at least i had my yu pian tang; with peili… why is it so hard to give up someone? why?