hurts

been feeling so upset this week except for monday when i think i was doing a good job by not contacting him. i can’t blame him totally for causing my sorrows and hurts and everything else, because i was the one who let him in to my heart again by going to his house in the middle of the night to take care of him. so i feel like going for some drink and maybe bump into some weird people because it’s Halloween last night. But, it was celebrated on last saturday. so i didn’t really see any weird people. Oh yes, i saw “da ye” (the chinese wayang guy except that he didn’t paint his face.). Haha. My sister and her bf was there for me. and i’m so happy that she’s always here for me. I know she’ll because she says so. =] that’s why i love her so much. We went to MOS. it’s 1-for-1 for housepour, so my sister bought vodka with red bull. i supposed it tasted like cranberry with alcohol. i drank more than usual. I don’t know why. i just feel like drinking. got myself high. haha. and yes, i smsed him which he didn’t reply… so i sent him another one. to tell him how much i hate him. hate him for not doing anything for me when i’m at his disposal. maybe almost an hour after i smsed him, he called me. i breakdown. tears just flow out of my eyes once more. and the urge to puke. ah, i must admit that i’m not a good drinker. i never i am anyway. i wore t-shirt and jeans skirt to club. oh who cares? ahaha. i had fun, fun… who am i kidding? Why make me sad when you can choose to make me happy? he say “i don’t know. because i think i’ll hurt you even more”. but you have hurt me with that “i don’t know”. why you just refused to choose me?