i’m so hurt. i cried till my eyes are swollen. but i’m still hurt. why do i always meet up with jerks and ended up being with them and getting myself so hurt? i hate myself. for being stupid.

it’s not helping. it’s really not helping at all. really.

敦煌古墓的沙粒
带着我们的际遇
我从半路看回去
这秦关漫漫好蜿踞
梦想穿过了西域
包含了多少的缠意
爱情像一本游记
我会找寻它的密语
看..月牙湾下的泪光
在丝路之上被遗忘
是谁的心啊孤单的留下
他还好吗我多想爱他
那永恒的泪那一句话
也许可能蒸发
是谁的爱啊又为谁降下
轻声呼唤就让我融化
那一滴雨水演化成我翅膀
向着我爱的人追吧
梦想穿过了西域
包含了多少的缠意
爱情像一本游记
我会找寻它的密语
看..月牙湾下的泪光
在丝路之上被遗忘
是谁的心啊孤单的留下
他还好吗我多想爱他
那永恒的泪那一句话
也许可能蒸发
是谁的爱啊又为谁降下
轻声呼唤就让我融化
那一滴雨水演化成我翅膀
向着我爱的人追吧
是谁的心啊孤单的留下
他还好吗我多想爱他
那永恒的泪那一句话
也许可能蒸发
是谁的爱啊又为谁降下
轻声呼唤就让我融化
那一滴雨水演化成我翅膀
向着我爱的人追吧 敦煌古墓的沙粒
带着我们的际遇
我从半路看回去
这秦关漫漫好蜿踞
梦想穿过了西域
包含了多少的缠意
爱情像一本游记
我会找寻它的密语
看..月牙湾下的泪光
在丝路之上被遗忘
是谁的心啊孤单的留下
他还好吗我多想爱他
那永恒的泪那一句话
也许可能蒸发
是谁的爱啊又为谁降下
轻声呼唤就让我融化
那一滴雨水演化成我翅膀
向着我爱的人追吧
梦想穿过了西域
包含了多少的缠意
爱情像一本游记
我会找寻它的密语
看..月牙湾下的泪光
在丝路之上被遗忘
是谁的心啊孤单的留下
他还好吗我多想爱他
那永恒的泪那一句话
也许可能蒸发
是谁的爱啊又为谁降下
轻声呼唤就让我融化
那一滴雨水演化成我翅膀
向着我爱的人追吧
是谁的心啊孤单的留下
他还好吗我多想爱他
那永恒的泪那一句话
也许可能蒸发
是谁的爱啊又为谁降下
轻声呼唤就让我融化
那一滴雨水演化成我翅膀
向着我爱的人追吧

i have success in making myself even more depressed.

by sms-ing him if he’s gonna celebrate my birthday. and then he still say ‘see how first’ when i asked him if he’s gonna spend the whole day with me because he took leave that day. i feel so depressed… i shouldn’t have msg him.

i shouldn’t have msg him. because he don’t reply me anymore after i asked him if he’s gonna spend the whole day with me since he took leave. he’s not interested in celebrating my birthday with me. why did i wanna celebrate with him so much? he can reply “…..so bad la. late..” to me when i just msg him “u….”… he replied to the wrong person. another girl. i know.

I kept myself very busy today. Imagine meeting up 3 different groups of people in a day? It’s so fun lah.

I met up with Chen Yang this afternoon for lunch and some singing session. We had lunch at the “mei shi jie”. then we walked around chinatown just to wait for the 10 dollar karaoke to open and realized, we have to make advance booking because there is no more slots. ok, kinda disappointed.. but we still went to kbox for our singing session! and spending almost 5 hours there just – sing. LOL. it’s so fun.

Then i went to Bugis to meet the Marcus, Jordan, Michelle, Wilson & Violet for steamboat to celebrate Marcus‘ birthday which is on 9th November. We just sat there crapping around talking about BMI students. the funny good students, and of cos the kind of students who will just irritate the hell out of you. yup. it’s fun. then we walked to HMV at city hall to look around, and we had ice cream! yummy. i just love cookies & cream. =]

Then Li called me to ask if i wanna go prawning. haven’t been prawning for a long time. and i thought they have started long time ago. but when i met up with them, they were sitting at S11 can? =.= by the time we reached the prawning place it’s almost 12mn. time to go home. of cos, we never fail to take pictures. =] and this shall end my day.

me & chen yang

Wilson, Marcus, Michelle, Jordan, & me!

Li, Lao Pa & me

took leave to attend Randy‘s wedding. it’s not a waste trip. because watching the Solemnization Ceremony was such a touching thing to do. By just watching how this blissful couple being pronounced husband and wife. The wedding is a fun one because i met some people whom i haven’t seen for ages like sister Eunice! been saying that i wanna give her a treat because of the job but i have been saying that for almost a year. But, i still haven’t give her the treat. =[ my bad.

my bday is coming soon.. and i only left with… 400 bucks… with $200 plus bill not cleared yet. Gosh. I’m need to create a bday wishlist soon. Maybe today. After all i might need to give ppl time to prepare? But then again, noone reads my blog. got write = nv write. LOL. there goes my dream. but the 1st thing that came to my mind is, WILL HE CELEBRATE MY BIRTHDAY WITH ME? i really wished he would. this is my 1st birthday wish. but i know it’s not gonna happen. because he has totally outcast me, he has totally forsaken me, and he doesn’t remember me, he wouldn’t contact me nor does he reads my blog to know that i wanna celebrate my birthday with him. so he wouldn’t know that i really wish to celebrate my birthday with him. i was looking forward to. but then, it was being thrashed into the rubbish bin when…. i don’t know. you can say i’m being stupid.. but.. i really wished to.. why won’t he give me some of his time? why won’t he give me some of his attention? why won’t he give me his love? what’s holding him back? why did i give it all out? that’s me being stupid. and of cos, when i think of this, it really makes me upset. But it’s my own wishful thinking. he wouldn’t bother. i know he wouldn’t. i’m bleeding again.

i m just so angry.

so angry with him.

=[

not angry.

i’m disappointed than angry.

Went out with my sisters after work today. Went to have sushi at Heeren’s Sakae Sushi. And we had a fun time interacting with each other. Crapping around seems to be so fun. Then we went to Dan Ryan’s. Because we realised we haven’t been there for so long since my elder sister stopped working there. Had a bottle of beer (corona). That’s fine. 1 bottle is fine. 2 bottles is a little too much. =] So here am i sitting in front of my laptop, blogging. =D It’s Randy‘s wedding tomorrow. And i’m so excited about it. And what am i doing tml? i’m not sure about that part.

After talking to Shaiful last night, i felt a little better. But once i reached home, laid down on my bed. he came into my mind again. and i have another sleepless night. Only managed to fall aslp this morning, den i have to wake up again. aaarrrggghhh. i know if i wanna move on, i need to get him out of my mind. i know i have to do that. Don’t talk about it. I love him so much, care for him more than i care for myself. But what i got back for myself, is all these shit. and of cos if i can’t be compared to his friends, his colleagues or his sister. then we shouldn’t be together at all. because that is a waste of our time. my energy, my effort, and my time. it suck the big time. but he will realized it soon. he has been too selfish and self centered.

it was supposed to be a peaceful day for Bernice until Jordan came in for work and show us all the condoms that she got from her school campaign. LOL. 9 of it. and Bernice is going to States for 2 weeks, now she can use it wisely. LOL. and yes, it was pretty obvious that the note was written by me. =X oh well, and Ah Choy says she don’t dare to put this picture on blog, thus i’m putting up. LOL. But i didn’t get to see Bernice‘s reaction. aaawwww. But she packed the condoms. lol. Cool. Gonna miss her though.

How would you feel when the someone you are looking forward to meet and spend time with, decides that other friends are more important than you are because both of you are no longer together? He said he would meet you, but he didn’t say he would spend the night with you. So what are you expecting? Then he might as well DON’T say it in the first place! Do i look like i would meet someone for 1 or 2 hours and then see him go clubbing with his colleagues? Watching his back as he leave me behind? Do i look like i’m such person? though we are bf-gf no more, simple respect should be there.

This is not the 1st time in this week. this is the SECOND time in this same week. Why can’t he just think about how i fucking feel? gf no more, so he doesn’t need to take my feelings into his consideration? I was overmoon when he msg me that he would meet me tonight, and that ‘joy’ simply turned into disappointment when he told me his colleagues might ask him go clubbing tonight because it’s Deepavali tomorrow. not confirm yet. So, once he confirm with them last minute, i have to be the person he ‘scarifice’? Once again? Crap, why is it so HARD to spend time with him? I’m not asking too much. He say “i’m not your boyfriend, so don’t expect too much from me. stop being unreasonable”. But sorry to say, i’m that unreasonable. It’s either me OR them. there is NO such thing as meet me first THEN join them. NO. it happened like 2 weeks ago. When i asked him for dinner. He told me he’s going Timbre with his friends. “dinner only mah. then after that i go join them lo” Then what about me? He just say, ask your friends out la, i don’t believe you can’t ask anyone out. and it’s happening again? WTF have i done to deserve this kind of fucking treatment? Fuck, if you can’t decide. Don’t say you would. I’m not your last minute backup plan. I’m sure you can ask you friends out during the 11th hour too. I’ve my anger too. I’m a emotional creature, unlike you.