and my little finger hurts even more today. because while playing pool, i accidentally bend it. it’s freaking pain ok? maybe i should go and see a doc. because it’s almost a week already and it’s not recovering. see the blood cot (the dark dark area on my little finger is the blood cot)? it’s really painful because i can’t even bend my finger to tie a ribbon. u know how irritating it is? especially i have a lot of clothes with ribbon. zzzzz ='[

There are some things i wished it will remained unsaid. I don’t know if i m glad to know the truth and everything that happened after, but at least people never fails to let me know the kind of person he really is. And it really doesn’t feel good to know about those things, because it hurts. but i know time will heal the pain. so i must be strong. and friends, i know i will need your support. at least, i stopped ‘pestering’ him immediately after i went to look for him and i realized everything except him matters to me.. and i’m glad no matter what, my good friends are always with me. thanks. for those i have neglected, i’m really sorry. am not really in a good mood to care for others like i used to, but now, i am me. i know i will be emo for a few more times, i know i will still think of the hurt that he gave me, i know i will still cry when i talked about it but this is the process of breaking up i supposed? this will make me a stronger person, and i know i’ll meet my mr. right soon. i know i will. and before that happens, i know i will survive without a boyfriend. i don’t think it’s a necessary for me. getting a boyfriend is a plus to your life, not having one doesn’t mean your life is very incomplete. agree?

Anyways, went down to Liquid today. i mean on sunday. because both me and peili feel like drinking. and of cos, i always control myself because peili doesn’t and i only feel like drinking a little. kai went with us. but he was busy talking to ivan and his da jie while me and peili entertained ourselves, zi high-ing. that’s what we are good at. Haha. it’s been a long time since i sang at a KTV pub even though i have been going there like almost every other days… Ha~! Peili got herself drunk… and i had to entertain myself by playing pool with strangers who are like, pests because they are drunk themselves. ya. whatever it is, the next time i will control the drinking part. No drunkards allow babe. =]

oops, u caught me smoking~~

i went to the bridal shop with my sis on Saturday, to help her choose her gowns for her wedding coming up in May. Yes, my sister is getting married!! =] am looking forward to this happy occasion. and then mahjong at night! yup. and i won some money. ho ho ho. luck is coming back to me. what can i say? i won the last round with 4 tais zi mo! hahahahaha. ok, i’m getting crazy over here.. isn’t my sister beautiful? she’ll will even more beautiful with her make up and everything on. =] can u feel my excitement?

it feels like i m going to explode again. suddenly feel so emo. that’s y i hate to be alone. that’s y i hate to be at home. i hate to cry. it shows that i’m weak. it gives ppl like him a chance to hurt me again. i wished i can be heartless. heartless like him. i wished… but i highly doubt that i can be heartless like him. i thought i can handle me myself. it seems like, i do need people by my side. i really need.

Meet up with eve and stead for dinner. wanted to have kfc for dinner but because my hand hurts, so we gave it a pass. sorry people. and then after dinner we went smoking and chatting until 12mn. till i meet up with slash for some ass kicking movie. ok, it’s exaggerating la. hahaha.

went to watch “Step Up 2, The Streets“. finally i would say. it’s kinda cool. =] but i would still prefer the 1st. of cos, because there is this handsome guy named Channing Tatum. =X but he only made the first appearance when the movie started and then subsequently, the movie concentrates on ANdie and Chase and their crew. it’s really kinda impressive. i mean, can you dance like them?

after the movie, i went down to liquid again. to talk to stead. yup. it’s so tiring. and realising my money is running dry. sigh. i need to look for a job soon. stop being lazy or should i say, STOP GIVING excuses? hahaha.

GUYS are

1) selfish

a) they can’t decide what they want after breaking up. when you have decided to move on, they would think of you out of the blue and give you a msg, which leads to she being emo.
b) they would say all the nicest things on earth to make you feel wanted and then, out the sudden, you became thrash that they MUST dispose in order to ‘move on’
c) they always want to be that someone who benefits from the relationship. because most of the time, they want to ‘receive’ more than they want to ‘give’.
d) they like NEW ‘excitement’. Please note that my ‘excitement’ here refers to their new found interest – new GIRLS
e) a guy can have an affair with another girl, nothing happens and noone will say anything. but when a girl have an affair with another guy, someone would say she’s a bitch or maybe worse – a slut

2) self centered

a) they only have their own interest to consider
b) they only want to have their own fun
c) once they got themselves a gf, everything except gf matters.

3) egoistic

ego and pride comes together. they are best friends. with pride and ego, even they made a mistake they will never admit. normally they will wait for the girl to make the first move. even if they do admit, they only did it for the sake of doing it when their friend come telling him “you are so fucking wrong”.

4) prideful

5) shameless

they don’t know how to spell the word S H A M E. because they have the mentality that no matter how they hurt the girl, the girl would go back to them. reason being? because the girl love him. in this case, the girl is always the foolish one. for the sake of the ‘love one’, they would sacrifice for the unnecessary. and of cos, some of the girls are “playboy” too. in whatever situation. the girl tends to lose out more. what does a guy lose? Money? Time? Pride? Ego? Virginity? Pregnant? when they want u back, they have no pride and ego. but once they got you back, everything came back or maybe worse. Please remember that when they are courting you, they will come out with all tricks to please you. BUT once you and him got together, their true colors come out. and of cos, i can’t condemn all guys just because of my recent failure which is entirely NOT my fault. i can only blame myself for being a fool. there are good guys around too. i can only regret for not choosing guys who are nice to me. and i always ended up with jerks. and the most recent one, is worse than a beast. if only i know the truth earlier, then i could have prevent everything that happened from happening. what has done is already done. i can only make sure it doesn’t happen again.

so when the next time, you choose a guy. OPEN your eyes BIG. make sure you have chose the correct one. because there is no such thing as regret or if only i know it earlier. everything would have been too late. there is no rush for a couple to go into a relationship because of impulsion. it will only cause more conflicts. Be the smart the next time. twice is enough.

i had a bad dream today. i dreamt that my swollen hand turns black today, and i woke up immediately from my dream to check if my hand really turns black. what a scary dream.

went to pioneer mall to help my sis to buy season parking coupon because she’s moving home before her wedding. and then, i went to meet slash to get hard disk and had dinner with him. crap a little and head home because my sis’s coming home tonight for dinner. and i was so busy watching the show slash introduce me. i m seriously lacking of slp. imagine typing this entry when i was supposed to be in my bed? hahaha. alright, time to slp. nites.

i was so hurt. really so hurt. when i told him i am so hurt, he say it’s my own business. truth makes you a stronger person.

and when u pinned everything together, it’s rather logical.

you know he has chosen to leave you for some younger slut (since i’m a older fucking slut), but not as pretty because i’m prettier of cos.

he lied abt the reason for breaking up with you – you are childish, that’s y i don’t want you; it not because of another woman. (you said that before when we first broke up but it ended up you broke up with me because of rybena. =]) and yes, i’m childish. because i love you, care for you. care way too much for you. which u dun fucking deserve. know why i didn’t blog so much when we first broke up? because i think u still love and care for me. but now? you are just a heartless bastard whom i never wanna see again.

ok, so what now? someone who is 17 yrs old is very mature? that’s why u like her? c’mon la, don’t bullshit me.

we fight. because he say i deserved to be treated this way. a tight slap was given. he pushed me, he punched me on my chest, my arms and now it’s aching. i have told you before. if you hurt me again, i will bring my friends to beat u up. but i rather i beat u up myself. you’re weak.

he says i’m a fucking slut. thanks. another slap was given. and i got a slap back too. a 3rd slap was given.

he injured my hand when we were fighting and it’s swollen now. it hurts but he will never be remorseful. NEVER. i can hardly bend my left little finger now.

i begged. to give us another one more mth to work tis r/s. he doesn’t want. so be it. i must be crazy to agree the conditions. fuck me.

he complain. complained to that little girl that i refused to go home. I refused to leave because i have not gotten my answer from him yet. now i got it. i really got it. this is him. *you really think i’m stupid enough not to know you’re going out with her meh? i told you, don’t treat me like a fool.

for this fucking slut here, he broke up with me. for this fucking slut here, he broke my heart again. every single time, it’s for a slut. for the Rybena case, i have let go. Perhaps it’s not entirely her fault because she backed off after knowing he got a gf. but this slut here? knows he got a gf and? follows him all the way to MY chalet. why? this cheap couple is trying to prove me something? and i know, he will regret someday, perhaps soon. i believe in retribution. guys who treat me this way, will never have their r/s last very longer. and i make sure this IS the last time i have him in my blog again.

stop treat me like a fucking idiot. i know what’s going around me. i pretended i don’t doesn’t mean i don’t. i knew you have something with Rybena even before you told me. Just that you kept denying. when i ran back to the chalet and ask peili if you have something with that girl, peili told me you and that girl whom you bought to the chalet has nothing going on, which i don’t believe at all. because u fucking helped her to carry her bag. if you have no interest in that girl (ok, i know her name. MANDY studying in YUHUA SECONDARY SCHOOL, repeating her ‘O’ Levels. Oh how smart.), only idiot will believe. and trust me, i was that idiot. bcos i chose not to believe it. if i know earlier that girl is your fren, i would have fucking chase her out of the chalet. i don’t welcome slut in my chalet. NOT IN MT PLACE. no, if i know earlier you are coming down with her, i will tell kai not to bring you here. you came all the way to the chalet with that girl, just to tell me u dun wan me anymore. and went off with her. u saw me running off, but you never come after me. u saw me walking towards you, but you never bother about me. it’s exactly the same fucking thing that happened in “Butterfly”. you saw me, but u didn’t come towards me. you saw me leaving, but you nvr bother to sms me. it’s like you have time and money and energy for slut who is flirting with you and NOT your gf, but you have no time and no money and no energy for me who cares and love you so much and WAS ur gf. just wake up ur fucking idea. once your money runs dry, i see who will be there for you. BASTARD.

if YOU are reading my blog, and think whatever i wrote here is childish. I’M CHILDISH. so what? YOU are even more childish. whenever there is someone new who comes along, u ditched the old one and go for the new one and then go back to the old one again when the new one doesn’t work out. and trust me. if you can do this to me, you will do this to her too. and i never knew NS policeman can be so chee hong. you know why? because he gotta know that slut thru attending a fucking case – that slut’s mother is committing suicide. so, this is so much of a 17 yr old slut? ha. and this is my fucking EX BF. the guy i fucking love so much. but he’s just a fucking chee hong kia. i have finally seen your true colors. i shd have never trust u. NEVER. when i trust you, i only get back more hurt. but i have released everything out. i will see you NO MORE. i won’t want you back anymore. you’re fucking self centered and selfish person. your next r/s will be a failure too. IT WILL.

I’m really sorry for using Kai Hui. i told her not to tell him that i m heading to his hse to qns him. i did not tell her everything. but i did not regret for using her. otherwise i won’t be able to see that fucker’s true color. and i promise this will never happen again. because there is no way i’m gonna be that fucker’s gf anymore. I SWEAR.

i didn’t wanna blog it down. but, i want my feelings known. i wan everyone know you’re a fucking bastard. there’s worse things that i didn’t wrote it down. bcos i don’t want to think you are worse than a bastard. but, you are already one. let people around you do the judgment. let God condemn you.

TO THINK I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND GET SHIT IN RETURN. SO PLEASE FUCK OFF FROM MY LIFE FOREVER. FUCKING CHEE HONG KIA. IT’S MY BAD TO TRUST IN THE THINGS YOU SAID. I MAKE SURE EVERYONE REGRETS, REGRET KNOWING YOU. TRY ME. IF YOU EVER COME BACK AGAIN, I WILL GIVE YOU A TIGHT SLAP AND TELL YOU TO FUCK OFF. FUCKER. I TOLD YOU, DON’T FUCKING TEST MY PATIENCE FOR YOU. TAKE MY WORDS. I WILL NEVER BE SOFT HEARTED TOWARDS YOU ANYMORE. YOU DON’T DESERVE MY ATTENTION AND MY LOVE. I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO ANGRY IN MY WHOLE FUCKING LIFE. BUT YOU MADE IT HAPPENED. I REGRET FOR TRUSTING YOU AND GET BACK WITH YOU. I REGRET FOR GIVING YOU A CHANCE, ANOTHER CHANCE TO HURT ME AGAIN. DON’T COME AND FUCK WITH ME AGAIN. DON’T. YOU DISGUSTED ME. BIG TIME, REAL TIME. DON’T FUCKING MESS AROUND WITH ME JUST BECAUSE I LOVE YOU A LOT. FUCK OFF. AND DON’T COME BACK TELLING ME YOU FUCKING LOVE ME ALRIGHT? U ONLY FUCKING LOVE SEX. YOU DON’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW WHAT’S LOVE. SO JUST FUCK OFF AND LIVE INTO YOUR OWN FUCKING WORLD. LET’S SEE HOW LONG IS YOUR FUCKING ‘LOVE’ AND INTEREST GONNA LAST FOR THAT FUCKING SLUT.

AND GIRLS, HE JUST WANT A GIRLFRIEND FOR FUCK. SO WHY CHOOSE HIM WHEN YOU CAN CHOOSE BETTER GUYS OUTSIDE? DO YOU WANNA BE LIKE ME?

BUT DON’T WORRY, IT’S ONLY SLUTS HE’S INTERESTED IN. GIRLS WHO HE THINKS HE CAN FUCK. BUT, I AINT HIS CUP OF TEA. OH YAH, PROVIDED IF YOU ARE 17 YEARS OLD OK? SO PLEASE, DON’T EVER COME BACK BECAUSE I AM GONNA BE FUCKING 23, TOO OLD FOR YOUR INTEREST. I WILL REALLY APPRECIATE IF YOU REALLY LEAVE FOR GOOD.

btw, do i sound very crude here? he treat me worse than this ok? so, even if you are fucking unhappy abt me scolding your fren slut, u dun fucking scold me alright. asshole. but she’s indeed a slut.

chalet is about life enjoyment.

Garfield and friends!!

chalet is about playing PSP the whole day,

and dai dee for 3 days 2 nights. LOL

then we have a pool game. me & eve lost. LOL.

and indeed, friends don’t let friends talk to ugly boys.

lao pa very laoya, he K.O after the 海盗船 (pirate ship). LOL. it’s fun playing all these games. but i did not try out the exciting and thrilling ones.. because stead oso laoya.

we went back to the chalet to play dai dee while stead went to shit for 10 mins. LOL. 赌徒们. and pei di says it doesn’t stink and dashed out of the chalet. that scene is freaking funny.

then it’s BBQ at night~~

and it’s fun during these 3 days of chalet. and for anything unhappy that happened. we can only say it’s unfortunate. but i love you guys!! =]

do you know what’s heartache?

heartache is when the person u love so much breaks up with you for the second time, and your whole body becomes wobbly – unable to stand still, legs become jelly

heartache is when you love the person dearly and he doesn’t love you as much.

heartache is when you missed someone dearly and he doesn’t miss you.

heartache is when you refused to break up and he insisted.

heartache is when he knows how you feel and what you are looking forward to… he still insisted on breaking up.

heartache is when he knows you are waiting for him, he fucking sneaked home w/o informing.

heartache is everything HE CAN FUCKING GIVE ME.

i don’t want to feel unwanted or unimportant to him. but this is how i feel for the past few days for not contacting him. i dun wanna feel this way. but he’s not making me feel good. what should i do? because i really miss him a lot. really. i’m so scare of getting hurt again.. should i just let it go?

when i told shaiful that me n him got back together… he was shocked.. and he doesn’t wanna talk anymore.. because he scared he might bad mouth about him because he hurt me so deep previously. =[

went to watch movie with Tian Fu. “Rule #1“. i was actually quite shocked to see Fiona Xie’s name. and because i don’t really like her acting at all. or should i say i don’t like her at all? LOL. anyways, the movie isn’t scary at all.. i was wondering how does people watch movie with their face covered. hmmm.. it’s a mystery. anyways, supper at jurong. it’s nice to have people crapping with me. yup. and what surprises me is, he bought me a bouquet of flowers to cheer me up. aawwww.. how sweet of him. =]