can u imagine i couldn’t get myself to sleep even after lying on my bed for HOURS?

if i’ve an eraser, i would erase you from my mind so i won’t feel so helpless, miserable by just thinking of you.
if i’ve super short term memory, i will just forget about you coming back to me, making me so helpless, miserable by just thinking of you.
if i’m as heartless as you are, i won’t be crying in the middle of the night thinking of the things that you CHOOSE to do to me.
if i can make up my bloody mind, i won’t be thinking of you in the middle of the night and make myself so helpless and miserable.
if i’ve more determination, i would be able to forget about you completely. So i told myself i must move on within 3 weeks. the time frame that i set for myself.

when i looked into the mirror, i don’t see myself anymore.
everyday i’ve to pretend to be happy. cheer MYSELF up.
looking for friends to accompany me out.
now that i realized, i can only be dependent on MYSELF.
What are good friends for?
They are only here to share partying, drinking, pubbing, singing, mahjong-ing in short – FUN and nothing else.

BUT
i don’t wanna think of you in the middle of the night.
i don’t wanna miss you in the middle of the night.
i don’t wanna stay at where i am now.
i don’t wanna let you think that i can’t live w/o you.
i don’t wanna let you think that i’m harboring any thoughts of getting back with you because that would be impossible. Once bitten twice shy. i got bitten twice.

i told myself, it’s because of your laziness and unwillingly-ness that we became what we are now. i only have got myself to blame for trusting that we can last forever. but i know that this is going nowhere too. i need to move on, since you have moved on.

(I don’t know why, what I’m doing what I’m doing)
See, baby I, apologize
For all the things that I’ve done that I’ve done
See I’ve known that I’ve been a fool for far too long
And baby you have it, I go around to wait, just come back to papa
Please baby, baby won’t you stay
If you really love me then why are you leavin me

I can’t think, think about this crazy day
I lose sleep just to daydream about you babyyyyyyyy
I’m going crazy, crazy, crazy, just to thinkin about you lately (crazy baby)
I’m going crazy, crazy, crazy, just to thinkin about you baby (I don’t know
what to do)
I’m going crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, thinkin about you lately (crazy, crazy,
crazy)
I’m going crazy, crazy, (crazy, crazy) when I can’t touch you
Crazy, crazy (I’m going crazy) when I can’t hold you
Crazy, crazy, (I’m going crazy) when I can’t see you again
(Said I’m going crazy)

(Said I’m going crazy)
I’ve finally realized, that you are my true love
And I had a lot of time to think, and you’re all seem to keep thinking,
To keep thinkin of, yeahhh
And now I know I need you each and every day
I can’t live without you, so don’t run away
Baby you say that you love me, so why’d you leave me, why (why, why, why, why)

I can’t think, think about this crazy day
I lose sleep just to daydream about you baby (I’m going crazy)
I’m going crazy, crazy, crazy, just thinkin about you lately (just to think)
I’m going crazy, crazy, crazy, just thinkin about you baby
(I’m goin crazy, I’m going crazy)
I’m going crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, thinkin about you lately
I’m going crazy, crazy, (crazy, crazy)when i can’t touch you (I’m going crazy)
Crazy, crazy (crazy, crazy), when I can’t hold you
Crazy, crazy, when I can see again (if I can see you, if I can see you if I can
see you, if I can see you)
If I can see you, if I can see you again
Then I would go, if I could see you again
I’d go craeeae

i will forget about you and move on.

i couldn’t stand this anymore.

i kept myself super busy yesterday.

Went for singing session at Partyworld but am still coughing.
Went to JP to meet Christina and Evelyn‘s friends for dinner and supposedly movie. But we went to her house for Mahjong session! and i lose like almost 30 bucks!! =[ sad-ed. Nevermind, i’m sure i will be able to win that back again. =] and yes, we had mcdonald for breakfast once again. It’s Evelyn‘s treat because i’m damn broke already! HA! And yes, Evelyn‘s friends are rather funny lah. though sometimes i don’t really understand what they are talking about. Evelyn‘s friend call this place 南大. and then he say 南大 = Jurong. so if you stay at Jurong East it’s call 南大东？Jurong Island call 南大岛. HAHAHA. So the next time u take cab just tell uncle you wanna go 南大 (Nan Da) West st 72. LOL.

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won’t see
That I want and I’m needing everything that we should be
I’ll bet she’s beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she’s got everything that I have to live without

Drew talks to me, I laugh cause its so damn funny
That I can’t even see anyone when he’s with me
He says he’s so in love, he’s finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he’s all I think about at night

[Chorus:]

He’s the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He’s the song in the car I keep singing, don’t know why I do

Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can’t breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She’d better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she’s lucky cause

[Chorus]
He’s the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He’s the song in the car I keep singing, don’t know why I do

So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I’ll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight

He’s the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who’s got enough of me to break my heart
He’s the song in the car I keep singing, don’t know why I do
He’s the time taken up, but there’s never enough
And he’s all that I need to fall into..

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won’t see.

Today is the last day of my grandma’s funeral. and it’s very upsetting moment for us. however, there are some people who likes to exaggerate the solemnness of the funeral, e.g. by shouting to the dead: WAKE UP; they want to chap ji ka (join in the crowd) in the ceremonies when it has got nothing to do with them. they were chatting and laughing when the IMMEDIATE FAMILY are going thru the ceremonies and this is rather irritating because it was supposed to be SOLEMN moment.; searching around the coffin for some 4D numbers (they might as well ask ah ma directly, why the trouble??) while going thru the ceremony. not that i want to be mean but, if ah ma can wake up from the coffin, the doctor won’t pronounce her dead. What’s the point of crying so bitterly only after the person is dead and starts regretting for not treating her good when she was still alive? That’s the thing about humans. They do not treasure the people around them until they are gone. And when people doesn’t cry it out, it doesn’t mean that they are heartless. They just want to control their emotions. I, too, have the urge to cry but i controlled because i don’t see the point of crying over spill milk. Ah ma’s dead – that’s the cold hard true fact. And i don’t understand why they just can’t let the dead rest. Seriously, with all the dong dong dong dong and prayers for the past few nights, i think i will just 死不瞑目because it’s simply too noisy. What’s the point of having people singing in the funeral when

1) you don’t understand what they are singing,
2) noone’s paying attention to them at all.

my conclusion is, they just wanna show people their last minute 孝心. But it seriously doesn’t do much help at all. what’s irritating is the 大姑 says the next time we also must do the same thing for our another ah ma. WTF! My ah ma’s gonna live for at least 20 yrs ok? seE? these people always talk w/o thinking and even after they said such things out, they are still not thinking. their brain must be smaller than a pea or maybe they doesn’t even have any. i’m so angry with these people at the funeral. zzz. my mum calls her the “COMMANDO”. Ha.

When the machine pushes the coffin into the incinerator, it’s such an heartbreaking moment. many people cried. many people did not cry. and then we went back to Jurong west and supposed to have lunch, everyone EXCEPT the immediate families dashed to have lunch and when the immediate families wanna have lunch, there isn’t much left. the typical type of Singaporeans.

Anyways, that aside. We (me, my younger sis, younger bro and dad) went for breakfast like almost 4am because we couldn’t play Mahjong at the funeral because 大舅 was crying so bitterly. And i was on winning spree ok? Nevermind about that because i can play mahjong anytime! hahaha. and my father show us his fatherly love by helping us with the soft boiled egg. because it’s freaking hot la!