This town is colder now, I think it’s sick of us
It’s time to make our move, I’m shakin off the rust
I’ve got my heart set on anywhere but here
I’m staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel…
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal… for the life I lead
Stop and stare
I think I’m moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I’ve become what I can’t be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you’re ‘here’ not there
And you’d give anything to get what’s fair
But fair ain’t what you really need
Oh, can u see what I see
They’re tryin to come back, all my senses push
Un-tie the weight bags, I never thought I could…
Steady feet, don’t fail me now
Gonna run till you can’t walk
But something pulls my focus out
And I’m standing down…
Stop and stare
I think I’m moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I’ve become what I can’t be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you’re here not there
And you’d give anything to get what’s fair
But fair ain’t what you really need
Oh, you don’t need
What u need, what u need…
Stop and stare
I think I’m moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I’ve become what I can’t be
Oh, do u see what I see…
Alright. Sometimes humans are so unpredictable. Don’t you agree with me?
Someone who doesn’t talks about you, doesn’t mean that the person is harmless. Someone who doesn’t seems harmful to you, doesn’t mean she’s harmless. She could be poisoning people’s mindset about you with the power of world wide web (WWW). She might sound harmless, or don’t really mind exchanging a few words with you but that doesn’t mean she likes you. It could mean that she’s trying to finish the conversation.
Though this incident has passed long time ago, it doesn’t mean I will and I can tolerate such attitude. If I’m irritating, you say it straight into my face. If I’m loathsome, you say the same damn thing into my face too. At least, I won’t find out after a few days, a few months, or maybe a few years to realize actually, you hate me. Though I can be stubborn on certain stuffs, but I’m not totally shameless. Of cos, there are always silent killer. Do you think you can trust on everybody around you? Think again.
I realized to trust someone is a difficult task to do. In order for that person to gain you trust, he/she would do anything. And once that person gained your trust, he/she can turn your sweet world into hell. After this, you have phobia in trusting people and it would be harder for people to gain your trust. Perhaps in the process of gaining your trust, the person must be feeling very terrible.
I know how it’s like when Bi is trying so hard to gain my trust, because I simply don’t really trust him at all. And I know in this process, I might have hurt him in some way which is unknown to me, but known to him. When I kept insisting that he went to BQ to know girls, I knew it’s gonna end up as a quarrel. But, we remained silent. And suddenly, I thought I could even hear my Bi‘s heart breaking. I looked at him, and he doesn’t even wanna look at me (but was rolling his eye balls to my direction). I knew I have to do something. I just don’t know how to pacify him because I was in doubt. I know everyone gonna tell me, give him some trust. But it was just so hard. And yes, I know I shouldn’t compare him with that ex bf, and I know very well that I did compared Bi with that heartless ex bf. I wasn’t like this before all of that happened. I was filled with hopes. Hopes of him changing for me. It was just my wishful thinking. Because I already knew deep in my heart that that will never happen. See? I was a person filled with hopes though negative thoughts has already filled up in my head.
Scandal says, the best thing to do to forget him was to talk about him. I forbid humans from talking about him in front of me, because this triggers every single effort of me wanting to forget about him. However, that could never really happen. Because someone would talk about him in front of me as if nothing happens. And I guess, i should learn to forget about this heartless man in this manner. And Scandal know me best because whenever I claimed I’m alright whenever he talks about him, he knew inside that I’m never alright. But I guess, all of that doesn’t really matter now. Because now, I’m a little convinced of Bi‘s love for me.
And now that I have my Bi by my side, I can’t be selfish. To think about protecting myself, so as to prevent myself from getting hurt again. I really need encouragement. I really need concrete evidences to tell me why I should trust this guy whole heartedly. With me & Bi going to be together for a month, he’s taking as long as it would take for me to trust him. And I jolly well know that guys have their needs, Bi says he can wait till I trust him fully and when I’m ready. And I find myself totally L.O.S.T. Very L.O.S.T in my own world. I have totally NO idea of what will happen to us. And I don’t even dare to dream about being together for life. Bi says, if he can, he would wanna hug me, kiss me for the rest of his life and of cos, make love with me, me and only me. And of cos, if I can, I would do the same thing for the rest of my life with no regrets. Bi has been giving me all his best, trying his best to please me. Asking me stay over at his house during the weekends when he booked out because he misses me too much during the weekdays and most importantly, he wants to hug me to sleep. And he even thought of me staying at his house literally, as a PR (Permanent Resident), but not that fast, he said to me yesterday.
I was honest towards Bi. Because I don’t wish to lie to him. The fact that the ex bf was still in my head. (ahh, i know it’s bad. But sometimes, you just couldn’t help it) And I was reminded of him from the little things. But I know that this feeling will become lesser and lesser, eventually it will go away. Because I shouldn’t let such insignificant person to over take my emotions for Bi.
Nevertheless, his effort is not totally futile. I’m starting to love him along the way, however I still have my fears in me. Sorry Bi, if I’m not really a good gf to begin with. And, I promise I will give you more of my hugs and kisses. Fill your room with all my love. Muacks~!
I haven’t been updating for the past few days because i have been staying over at Bi‘s house since Friday. And I didn’t really gone back home till today. Hahas. And, I was late for work today. Thanks to who? =X
Preparing a surprise party isn’t an easy task at all. It’s all about P L A N N I N G, and need more planning in case the Plan A fails to work. I was talking to Kerine over the weekdays about Bi‘s bday this coming Wednesday. Bi was asking me profusely over whether I have any surprise for him, and he definitely look disappointed when I told him I have prepared nothing for him at all. So Kerine told me, I should surprise him. Which we did. We throw a mini surprise party for him at Chervons. Our initial plan was to throw a party for him at Sentosa, because there is the sand and sea. Lomanti scene. But this was spoiled by 2 reasons,
1) It feels like it’s gonna rain any moment.
2) Bi has got lazy ass.
Because he was watching NPD at home when I reached his house at 6.30p.m. And he told me he was feeling so lazy. Lucky me, I called Kerine up (I went home to get changed) and managed to change the venue to Chervons, but booking is needed. And everything was not finalized. So i can only start to con him out once Kerine called me to inform me that the booking is confirmed and they will be preparing for the mini bash. And it was so hard to get this lazy bum out of the house, because he doesn’t wanna go singing with me, alone. He was giving me so many suggestions like LAN-ing, eating super late dinner nearby, go to look for ZY to talk cock etc. And he really believed me when I was literally repeating what Kerine was saying on the phone:
Kerine：快点问我在哪里。
Me：（Repeats what she says） 你们在哪里？
Kerine: 讲我们现在在ECP
Me: (Repeats what she says) Huh? 为什么你们在ECP？我以为你们去唱歌？
Kerine: 因为我们换 plans lor
Me: then 你们好了打给我咯。
Kerine: ok
After an hour, she called me and I have to pretend to say they have gone back home due to tiredness. I was actually laughing loh, but that Bi was too blind to see. LOLs. He was very disappointed. So i managed to 撒娇 at him, and finally got his butt of his house. It’s not an easy job ok. Because I can’t let him know what I have in mind for him. When we were having dinner, he even asked Jun Quan to come along because he thought it’s gonna be just two of us. Lucky, Jun Quan did not know about this and let the cat out of the bag. Phew! And Bi was really surprised, shocked and happy when i open the room’s door and everyone pops and sing happy bday song to him. Because of these people, they made this surprise mini bash possible. Cheers! And, Bi just kept kissing me non stop! Hahas. =X
The people who are involved in the surprised mini bash!
Bi‘s bday cake. It was Zong Yang who bought it, I supposed?
The very surprised Bi
Let’s sing: Make a wish, Make a wish~~
Blowing off the candles.
Cake cutting!
Zong Yang
Darius and Shi Huan
Me and Bi
And not forgetting the operation assistant, Kerine!
And Yes! I finally got the Stitch which i failed to catch it a few weeks ago. =] Bi got it for me at CCK’s arcade. Now, I’m a truly happy girl! Bi says, we are going to catch more stitch for me. I’m going to fill his little room with all my Stitch. =]
Isn’t his butt damn cute? =D
AND, i was late for work because I was having running nose again last night. First, I did not have enough sleep because Bi was trying his best to keep me awake. Lols. And, he failed to send me to work like he promised. So you failed to deliver what you promised (learn from you and your friend. lols). Whatever it is, I had dinner with Bi and his parents after work just before Bi book in tonight. And his mum is so sweet, because she made 2 cakes for Bi and 1 cheesecake for me. =] And yes, to make up for the running nose last night… Bi loaned me his green jacket. So i’m wrapped in his warmth this whole week even though he’s not here physically! Are you jealous? =P And yes, I looked damn hip hop in the office with the large jacket! Hahas!
Listen to my heart beat 