Guilty.

I’m feeling really bad now. But there isn’t anyone to talk to. This actually makes me feel even worse.

Nicholas doesn’t deserve such treatment from me at all, after all what he has done for me? No, he don’t. But, can you tell me what I should do? To go back to him or continue to search for my love? I don’t know man. I thought I knew, but seeing him, I see the past me. Where is me? I don’t feel like I’m me anymore. Like as if I changed overnight. I’m so stuck here. If I’m like him, things would be easier. Because all he needs to do is to tell me fuck off, and here I am emo-ing about this. Yeah, this more like me.

I’m not a very adventurous person to begin with. So, I really hate to be in a relationship ever since mine ended with him. I was being selfish, so selfish that I actually pull Nicholas into the picture. He’s the innocent one. I am not. I always think that my world crumple down ever since he broke up with me TWICE. Though people say I’m silly, but that’s the way I am. I really can’t help it, because I really love him a lot and most of the time, I wished he will know. So what he does knows I love him a lot? I can’t force simply force him to love me right? So, I was forced to give him up. No, I’m not trying to gain sympathy here, because I don’t deserve any. I’m evil. I’m bad. Who says I’m a nice girl? I don’t think that way anymore.