同样的一场日落
同样你还是没说
只是抱紧我
时间一到就松手
你用一万个理由
都比沉默还温柔
为什么爱我又不断退后
你害怕的是什么
你想要的是什么
站在你背后
我连呼吸都痛

我要相信你是爱我的
我要相信你是勇敢的
我烦时间是最残酷的
我怎么等
我要相信你是爱我的
不要当我每次唱情歌
眼里总有太多泪
不停拉扯

我用一万个答案
解释我们的距离
到最后发现我全都猜错
你害怕的是什么
你想要的是什么
站在你背后
我连呼吸都痛

我要相信你是爱我的
我要相信你是勇敢的
我烦时间是最残酷的
我怎么等
我要相信你是爱我的
不要当我每次唱情歌
眼里总有太多泪
不停拉扯

你怀里有太多问号
告诉我怎么依靠

I told myself if I could, I will not fall for the same thing again. But I know I’m allowing myself to fall for it again. Sighed.

Some times I know I don’t know what’s wrong with me and I know I can be very fucked up at times, but it was not supposed to be this way. I want a normal life. The life that I yearn to have. What is it? I don’t know. This is the question I have been asking myself too.

How does it feels to be the last one in your friend’s phone list? After he/she had called the WHOLE world and none of the WHOLE world is available, the last person he/she remembers would be you. This actually makes me very sad. And it would be sadder if it’s that important person who did this to you. And of course, that important person might not know that he/she is important to you because you did not made it known, but still disappointment is there.

And then how does it feels when you know someone wants to be with you and yet both of you knows very well that another party can’t commit as yet. Worse, he doesn’t know what he wants. This upsets the other party. But you know very well that he/she’s treating each other well. Perhaps even better. Somehow you feel he/she has changed. And he/she did hesistated about wanting each other. The situation will be the boy ask girl and girl reject because she has the fear of being hurt. And most importantly, she don’t know if she can trust and love him anymore. She doesn’t have confidence in relationship anymore. Long time ago.

I know I’m stupid in relationships. I know I’m vulnerable. I know people has been warning me about him treating me nice with some unknown intentions which I know what intentions he has. I wondered, is that intention very important? Because if it does then it would be hard to be friends after breaking up? People always tell me it’s hard to be friends with ex bf(s), which I don’t really agree.

Look, I’m still in terms with Sze Tien, who was my 1st ex. And he still wishes me “Happy Birthday” on my birthday (although I thought he had forgotten about it, but he never fails to make me laugh with the MMS picture he sent.) and we still meet up once awhile. The only person that I did not want to be friends with is Donald, who was my 2nd ex. Why? Because I think he suck totally. Recently he wants to add me back in MSN and of course I didn’t mind, but I don’t think that’s necessary because I have nothing in common with someone like him. And I’m still a friend to him. Though I’m not mentioning his name here because I won’t know if he’s fine with it, but I’m sure you guys know who i am referring to. I was very disappointed when he told me not to post up his picture (the one we took at Singapore Flyer) in my blog because it feels like he doesn’t want people to know he went flyer with me on my birthday. =[ After a few days, I asked him again if I could post the picture we took in my blog, and he say up to me, I was happy again. Because at least this is an open friendship. Silly, I know.

He always say I’m not very friendly towards his friends because I don’t always talk to them. Partly was because I don’t know them too well? At least I talk to Don & his girlfriend when we were out on Friday. That’s because I always see Don. Hahaha. And sometimes I’m very glad that he’s around you know? Because he always help me solve my IT problems and teaching me new stuffs. This is so cool! And he says he will teach me 3D Studio Max once he master it! =D See, I can be so happy with small things like that. Oh yes, and the toy we caught at the arcade on Sat? Looks like him. So I say it’s his clone. Hahaha! See?

I’m so happy over the weekends because I met up with Scandal on Sunday to buy my laptop RAM to realized he didn’t know how. =[ So I end up buying the 4GB Kingston RAMs @ JP for $49 each. =[ Which I think i can get cheaper at Sim Lim leh, but the thing is he’s at wedding + I’m very desperate to get the RAM. Ok, it’s over. No point brooding over it.

My conclusion is, I don’t want to keep thinking about that hurtful past because I want to move on. I know I can’t do this alone if people around doesn’t help me. All I know is, guys can be fickle minded as well. I really want to believe he’s a changed person now because I can see the changes in him for the past 2 months. =]