I realized, in the end, I don’t know how to love.

And, the feelings for you has subsided.

Why should I believe in his lies? Why should I believe that he helped some china man to Boon Lay interchange to get some money change just because these ‘china man’ speaks unknown chinese to us? And then he walk ARD JP to LOOK for me? I am so TOUCHED. FUCK. Now he’s blaming me because I DID NOT LOOK FOR HIM. Why? Because I did not expect him to NOT bring his HP with him. Why should I believe in him? WTF?

I realized I am never happy on the weekends. Because I feel so alone. Even with people around me, I still feel the same. Happiness seemed to be short lived.

Everyday since the day we broke up, I thought I can rely on myself to forget about you. I was told that it’s not the time that heals the wound, but rather the new found love. Apparently, I never have any luck in this area. So I thought maybe I just need to find something to keep myself busy. And yet, my mind is always wandering around.

I tried so hard to remain as your friend. I tried really hard despite I really really loved you. Despite I was badly hurt, not once, not twice.. umpteen times. I wondered where do I get the courage from. Maybe from the support of my friends. So I thought I could rely on my best friend back then, but I realize everyone is too busy for me. And then I am so alone again.

I have never think about loving someone as much as I love you, because I dont want to get myself hurt badly again. I thought falling in love should be an easy task for me, alas, that’s not the case. Each time we meet, each time we touched, the feeling lingers. It’s really very tormenting for me because I need to put in double effort for all these memories to go away. You have no idea how is like trying my best not to bother you so much. You have no idea how is it like to have the one you love come and go as and when he likes. You have no idea hw much time I need in order for me to put the memories of you aside and try to move on. Just as I thought I can be your friend, I just have to realize maybe I have never put you aside before.

A selfish me thought, maybe I should start finding new love in order for me to move on. Not easy, because I do not want to repeat the same thing that I did unto Nicholas. Unfair I know. I was selfish back then. I thought by doing so, I could.. I can forget. And I guess I am still selfish these days.

I dont really talk about love these days. But all I ever wanted is,

YOU to love me.
YOU to care for me.
YOU to shower me with concern.
YOU to keep me accompany.
YOU to spend every single special moment with me.

I am always jealous of Don and JiaFei, because they can be so loving together and time passes so fast, they are together for a year. I am always jealous of Peili, because she got someone who care for her so much. Same goes to Michelle, Jesslin and Josephine. Sometimes I wondered, why is it so hard for YOU to love me? Is loving me a very tiring and tough task to do? Or is it being with me, gives you no freedom? And, I still do not have answer for these questions I have in mind. But I know, despite everything, I just have to leave you alone. I really don’t want to realize, after all these months, I have never move on from you.

Memories, lingers.

I went for a super random singing session with Yi Hui on Friday night! How surprising right? Initially I thought he was just kidding until he called me and say he will reach in about 20 minutes time. LOL. And, the two of us got a rather big room for ourselves! We went crazy, and go of pitch and play around in the room. And I got him to pose with a glass of Orange Juice because he drank 3 glasses of drinks! = A lot right? After the 4 hours of singing session, we went to blk 655 to have some supper before heading back home. And, I did enjoy my random singing session. =]

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Yesterday, I met up with Jin Jie for a movie, Where got Ghost, at The Cathay. And, I don’t really find the movie really nice except for the laughing part. The graphics, is really very graphics. After the movie, we went to Coffee Club for some drinks and potato wedges. And now, I think I will have to stop eating wedges for a period of time. Thanks to him because he was complaining I am eating too slow. Hahaha. After that, we went to Esplanade for another drink of drinks but because he can’t withdraw money, so we walked to Raffles Places and so we went to OverEasy at One Fullerton instead. Ordered a bottle of red wine, and he drink 2 more pine of beer, we headed home around 4a.m. And I am already feeling very sleepy.

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After not doing some work on Friday and Saturday, I decided that I shall stay at home today to do more. =]

All I want is to feel love, and be love by.

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I went to Science Center with YiHui 3 weeks ago. And we had so much fun there! We went for a tour at Science Center itself, Da Vinci Exhibition and finally the Omni Theater! It’s so fun, and filled with memories because it’s been ages since we went there! Gosh. As for the pictures, I will try to upload. And you should know that I have actually took hundred of pictures. LOL. =X

I know I have talking about updating about Michelle’s wedding for ages. I was feeling really lazy and I think there is something wrong with Blogger because I can’t seemed to see the usual icons on top of the tool bar. Nonethelessly, I decided to do some updates (Yes! Finally I know) today.

I am not going to type so much until you get so bored of what I am going to say. I felt really happy for Michelle and Leonard. Happy everlasting love! =]

Loves.

Preparing for the Groom and his brothers’s arrival. And of course without fail, we just have to cam whore a little. =]

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And this is speically prepared for the 9 guys (including the groom)

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And there he goes. Singing “BSB’s As Long As You Love Me”, which was requested by Michelle. And of course, he have wrote a love letter for Michelle too!

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The chinese tradition, eating the 汤圆. And we have to cam whore to keep ourselves entertainted while Michelle and Leonard offered teas to the elders.

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The wedding dinner is held at One Rochester. And I must say the ambience is really nice and relaxing.

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The 2 guys with us.

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Michelle and Leonard’s Solemnisation.

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The group pictures.

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The YUMMMmmMMMMmmmMMmm Seng TIME! =D

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Well, that’s all for Michelle and Leonard’s Big day! =]

How many times must I say DARLING is ALICIA!!! zzzz

We had planned our very first Hen’s Night event for Michelle on the 25th July 2009. And this make everyone of us very excited because she’s the first in the group to get married. And everyone of us are really looking forward. But things got us a little worried when she told Amy that she has to leave like 11p,m (and Amy can only reach about that time) and plus the fact that Michelle’s mummy was worried about what we will be doing to her daughter, we decided that maybe we should just let her sit there the whole night instead of parading.

Nevertheless, we went ahead to have our dinner first because Michelle can only make it after 8p.m because she went to the bridal shop to pick up her wedding gown which needs some alteration (and the alteration took 3 hours!). We made our way to Pump Room because we thought that’s an interesting place to hold Michelle’s hen’s night there. But since we couldn’t do anything to sabo her, so we sat at the table the whole chilling. It’s a restaurant before 10.30p.m and after 10.30p.m it turned into a bar/club. So happening right? It makes me wanna go dance! Hahah~

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I was pretty surprised by the guy who was next to our table because he insisted on helping me taking a picture when I was trying to take a picture of me and Amy. I was flattered by his words (even though it might not be real). Lol.

And seriously, I don’t know if I made the correct choice by meeting Alvin Wang that very night for Double O (btw, I never like to go double O because I find it boring). And we ended up talking about TY. Sigh. I mean I know I made him mad (by telling him to LEAVE ME ALONE), but since that was unintentional, why can’t he just let go. When I told Alvin that TY wanted to talk to me the week before, he said “Oh, maybe he’s bored or what loh. That’s why he wants to talk to you.”. I was kinda not surprised that he will say this, because I felt that way too. I tried to talk to him many days before that SUnday he wants to talk to me, but he keep telling me that “it was too late”. I was wondering if it’s really too late, then why does he have the sudden urge to talk to me on that very Sunday? Let’s take it as he was feeling sick, so he decided that he needs me to show him my care and concern. But to me, since he has so many girls around, then why does he needs my care and concern for? Am I right to say that? He kept saying that I should do something to please him, but then at the same time, he’s doubting my ability to make him happy. I tried to date him out for a trip to Science Center, guess what did he say to me? He said I behaved as if nothing happened and date him out to please myself. In my aspect, to go out with someone who is mad at me, doesn’t please myself, at all. I was trying to make this clear to his brain. Apparently, it doesn’t work. So the quarrel still carry on. Oh plus the fact that I deleted him from my facebook, I was giving him more excuses for being pissed at me. Really. This whole thing is draining me of my energy and concentration. I can barely use my brain to do anything now. And when I think of him, I just feel the heartache.