I realized I am never happy on the weekends. Because I feel so alone. Even with people around me, I still feel the same. Happiness seemed to be short lived.

Everyday since the day we broke up, I thought I can rely on myself to forget about you. I was told that it’s not the time that heals the wound, but rather the new found love. Apparently, I never have any luck in this area. So I thought maybe I just need to find something to keep myself busy. And yet, my mind is always wandering around.

I tried so hard to remain as your friend. I tried really hard despite I really really loved you. Despite I was badly hurt, not once, not twice.. umpteen times. I wondered where do I get the courage from. Maybe from the support of my friends. So I thought I could rely on my best friend back then, but I realize everyone is too busy for me. And then I am so alone again.

I have never think about loving someone as much as I love you, because I dont want to get myself hurt badly again. I thought falling in love should be an easy task for me, alas, that’s not the case. Each time we meet, each time we touched, the feeling lingers. It’s really very tormenting for me because I need to put in double effort for all these memories to go away. You have no idea how is like trying my best not to bother you so much. You have no idea how is it like to have the one you love come and go as and when he likes. You have no idea hw much time I need in order for me to put the memories of you aside and try to move on. Just as I thought I can be your friend, I just have to realize maybe I have never put you aside before.

A selfish me thought, maybe I should start finding new love in order for me to move on. Not easy, because I do not want to repeat the same thing that I did unto Nicholas. Unfair I know. I was selfish back then. I thought by doing so, I could.. I can forget. And I guess I am still selfish these days.

I dont really talk about love these days. But all I ever wanted is,

YOU to love me.
YOU to care for me.
YOU to shower me with concern.
YOU to keep me accompany.
YOU to spend every single special moment with me.

I am always jealous of Don and JiaFei, because they can be so loving together and time passes so fast, they are together for a year. I am always jealous of Peili, because she got someone who care for her so much. Same goes to Michelle, Jesslin and Josephine. Sometimes I wondered, why is it so hard for YOU to love me? Is loving me a very tiring and tough task to do? Or is it being with me, gives you no freedom? And, I still do not have answer for these questions I have in mind. But I know, despite everything, I just have to leave you alone. I really don’t want to realize, after all these months, I have never move on from you.

Memories, lingers.

I went for a super random singing session with Yi Hui on Friday night! How surprising right? Initially I thought he was just kidding until he called me and say he will reach in about 20 minutes time. LOL. And, the two of us got a rather big room for ourselves! We went crazy, and go of pitch and play around in the room. And I got him to pose with a glass of Orange Juice because he drank 3 glasses of drinks! = A lot right? After the 4 hours of singing session, we went to blk 655 to have some supper before heading back home. And, I did enjoy my random singing session. =]

From Drop Box

Yesterday, I met up with Jin Jie for a movie, Where got Ghost, at The Cathay. And, I don’t really find the movie really nice except for the laughing part. The graphics, is really very graphics. After the movie, we went to Coffee Club for some drinks and potato wedges. And now, I think I will have to stop eating wedges for a period of time. Thanks to him because he was complaining I am eating too slow. Hahaha. After that, we went to Esplanade for another drink of drinks but because he can’t withdraw money, so we walked to Raffles Places and so we went to OverEasy at One Fullerton instead. Ordered a bottle of red wine, and he drink 2 more pine of beer, we headed home around 4a.m. And I am already feeling very sleepy.

From Drop Box

After not doing some work on Friday and Saturday, I decided that I shall stay at home today to do more. =]

All I want is to feel love, and be love by.