slept for less than 4 hours and i have to drag myself out of the bed at 7.15a.m.. argh. and den i have to “rush” bcos i have to eat before i get out of my hse for training (S2006) at beach center. i thought i might get lost on my way to beach center, so i followed darling‘s direction and i made it!! hahaha. i know i’m lame.. but i always cannot rem how to go to beach center. =_= den i saw suzy & starkey inside already when i reached there.. but there isn’t any place for me to join them and i saw louis so i sat beside him. the training is as long as 9 hours and it’s killing me.. haha, so i went to crap with louis. know what? the shocking truth i found? hahahah!!! he studied and graduated in np, studied IT…. damn!! he’s my senior. haha.. but he’s older than me 2 years which means he’s 23.. and his bday falls on nov too. lol. and he worked at CQ. perfected. hahaha. duh.. so he joined me & suzy for lunch bcos starkey skipped lunch. den we started crapping as usual, den i went back to get my “old” uniform to exchange for the new ones. lol. den i went back again. so there was this 3 dogs in the shop.. so damn cute.. but they are all perverts.. and i don’t know i can’t wear skirts and slipper to the training.. so that whoever “warn” me.. so i went to grab my “big white rabbit milk sweet” (pls, translate into chinese. lol).. and i left it on the table next to me and after that i went to the toilet and when i came back my sweets is gone. =_= that stupid louis “hide” it.. oh c’mon.. lousy skill. wahahaha!! it was pretty obvious that he’s the one who took my sweets.. who else is disturbing me besides him? duh. and den the grp ppl keep changing, and my grp ppl keep bullying me. when the person asked for volunters, they pointed at me.. and lucky for me, i get to nominate the person who pointed at me 1st – alan the OM. lol. who cares? that’s conspiracy.. lol. anyways, after that stupid training, me & him went to bugis to have our dinner.. and the beef noodle has too much vinegar!! pui pui pui. den we chit chat and talk about studying.. i was planning to go SIM study marketing.. he already has a place in SIM studying something related to IT which i can’t rem at all.. the name is tOOOooo long.. lol.. =_= coincidence huh? den we went to walk ard the place and den we went to the place i wanted to go and it’s so damn small.. hahaha.. after that, we went to the national library to “read” books. haha. i mean comic books lah.. and the lib closes at 9p.m.. disappointed. lol.. i saw his eyes RED, and he stil say he’s not slpy when he looked like he’s gonna drop dead any moment. lol. but anyways, thanks for accompany me to wait for darling (haven’t get the chance to meet up with her when she got sOooo many OT to do) who gotta OT whom i give up waiting bcos i’m tired.. he went off first bcos i asked him to, den i take a walk at Raffles City.. went into Gio and saw some pretty clothes. i might wanna get it. haha. den i went into TIMES bookshop and “read” some books. i mean, i was browsing nia lah.. alright, i’m hungry and tired.. i wanna go bed SOON.. i hate it when someone close to me LIED to me for the 1st time. don’t let me know he’s guilty.

well well well… couldn’t stay at home for a day so i went out to watch movie.. went to cathay and watched “Just My Luck” and realised, it wasn’t as funny as “She’s the Man”.. after the movie, we went to roam around to find food to eat. bcos by the time we finish our movie is about 9.15pm.. oh well.. =P so we walked from The Cathay to Bugis just to find something to eat.. and i’m famished.. so was he. lol. thank god that he’s willing to acc me lah.. haha.. otherwise i might just die at hm bcos monkey wants to watch soccer at 11pm.. england : ecuador. was a bit shock that england made it to the quarter finals. lol. but i can see that everyone wants them to win the world cup. oh well.. went to take a look at the adidas brazil jacket which costs $129.. but it’s pretty.. sigh.. how? den we went to one chinese kuku place to have our dinner and he offered to treat me even though i want to pay for my share.. oh well.. lucky i insisted on paying my own movie ticket even though he say he treat me.. den i realised the ice milk tea is killing me.. it hurts.. giving me stomach pain.. pls remind me NOT to drink ice milk tea at nite. =[ the sharp pain.. kills me.. anyways, we went to the arcade to play.. wahaha.. we are lousy in the games that we play.. both are equally pa jiao.. lame.. it’s for fun anyways.. lucky we are in time for our last train.. wahahaha.. phew.. thanks for acc me anways.. otherwise i might remain upset for the rest of day if i stay at hm.. sigh.. life doesnt suck at all.. but the person who is making it suck is me. i have a clearer picture as to how to solve my existing problems. 1st, i wish someone can just brain wash me which i know is impossible. so just treat that i’m bullshiting. haha. i always bullshit anyway. i wish i could lost my memory someday so i don’t have to keep thinking back to the past things and make myself unhappy and den make everyone unhappy as well. gf is right. i’m fucked up now, and of cos i know. and of cos i know i doesn’t know how to control my feelings. it’s a tough job.. she’s right, i shd try harder. but i don’t care abt having a full time job in tcc anymore. i used to be happy in tcc and now i dread to go work not bcos i hate working there.. but bcos i hate myself for being useless. at some point of time when wati told me she took 2 days to convince tim to convert me to be a full time, i start to think if i’m capable den she dun have to use 2 days to convince him. thus, i believe i’m never capable. i hate it so much. i just can’t wait to leave. i believe there is some place that is meant for me.. maybe a road sweeper? haha.. was crapping with him jus now.. talking abt future stuffs.. 1st time actually chat with him.. kinda weird at how things works.. anyways, i’m heading off for bed now. nite.

sigh, the whole day started bad by a series of events..

1) i woke up in the afternoon and realised HR was looking for me.. and they actually thought i was playing “MIA” game.

2) thus, i went to take a shower and den call tim back and the HR call back and told me to reach the office at ard 2.15p.m.. i left my place at 1p.m and i reached the place at about 3p.m.. guess wat? i forget to bring my cert (excluding my dip cert bcos i haven’t take it) and i have to wait for my younger sis to get it for me.. and I got LOST while finding my way there. =.= and i have to take a cab which costs me almost $5.. lame..

3) everything “went well” at the office.. however, when i stepped out of the office.. it was drizzling.. and when i got into the bus, the rain got heavier.. and i have to walk to cineleisure w/o any umbrella.. lucky for me, a lady came to “resue” and gave me a “shelter” under her umbrella and we walk to cNL. =]

4) reached CNL at 3.45p.m and kelvyn told me i have to work until 12mn instead of 11pm.. i was disappointed bcos i’m looking forward to 11p.m to go gf‘s kbox.. was a little upset.. den amin came in for work.. and i got happier bcos i haven’t work with him for a long time. crapped around with him and den went for my break bcos i was feeling hungry.. and den i asked amin if i reali have to work until 12mn, he let me off at 11pm bcos he knows i wanna go meet gf….

5) the sms from him makes me rather upset too. and everytime i start work at CNL, that kelvyn will ask me to go wash all the glasses. =.= watever.. i don’t know what’s wrong with me.. i couldn’t think well.. smses from him makes me… argh.. so i went to kbox for less than hr and i “left”.. called him to ask him if he wants to meet me bcos i have promised him.. but he some sort attitude towards me.. keep saying i “dua” him and stuffs, it reali pissed me off.. esp when he told me he saw yi hui who is in the same company as him in tekong.. i’m even more pissed when he say i have dated so many guys how he knows the name. fuck it. and i’m feeling hungry.. so i called missy to ask her if she wants to acc me makan.. and mon cherie came down instead bcos he had nothing to do.. he asked me go back but i dun wan.. so we went to visit amin… after that i acc him up and i wanted to go and michael came out and pull me in.. wth. i don’t feel gd leaving the place lidat and den suddenly go back again. and i went in, i saw how pissed gf was… aiyah, i don’t know lah. wtf am i doing??? i kept doing things to piss ppl off.. maybe i will feel better alone i guess.. waited until morning with lim xiao di, missy, bin bin & damien.. went to mac to have breakfast and i share with lim xiao di bcos i don’t eat a lot for breakfast. and he helped me to carry my super heavy bag. haha. very nice of him.. and the rest keep teasing me and him.. duh.. and den damien even ask me to consider lim xiao di.. =.= even missy say the same damn thing.. wth.. it was suppose to be teasing.. they are talking as if it’s real. =.=

i wanna watch the brazil match against ghana.. can’t wait. and seriously, i don’t know what i’m becoming. i really feel i suck a lot nowadays.. i feel so different.. i feel so, hopeless.. sometimes, i think death might be the best solution even though at certain aspect, it’s not a good solution.. sigh.. i’m.. i reali suck alot.. i must put a lot of determination NOT to go too near to him or him.

he’s the hero in the brazil : japan match last nite. and the game was pretty much interesting one. and the hero in the match is ronaldo. his 2 goals in the game was like wow! and the final score is 4:1.. hahaha. somehow, i need a hero in my life too. everyone needed a hero in their lives too. and i don’t need someone who is pissed off when i used my hp to chat with my frens. not like i’m chatting the whole damn nite. i need a hero, a.k.a advisor who will advise me on which path to go after i graduate, whether i have do the correct thing.. and of cos i know i have the worse attitude in the universe.. can’t help it. i just hate ppl to talk to me. and i have to act like as if i don’t give a damn.. and it’s true i don’t care about the job anymore. it’s not like i will “climb” very far working in tcc taking the “company money”. what money are we talking about anyway? hahaha. that’s the very last of me that i wanna show ppl. things aren’t going well for me in there.. saw missy crying last nite.. guys, are always the trouble.. but some people just can’t understand. just like what i will advise ppl – “just forget him, he’s treating u like a rubbish”.. but how often can we do whatever we said? said is easier than done.. and it’s pretty true too.. i tried to give my best to the “company” too. just tell me i’m useless.. but i reali can’t help but to wait to get out from there. i need to get some slp now, i feel so sick now.. haha….

went to watch movie just now. finally watched the movie that i wanted to watch – She’s the man. it’s sooo funny till i kept laughing non stop thru out the movie. wanted to ask gf watch but she has already watched with someone else. so i dragged monkey to acc me since he’s so free.. i love romantic stories.. however, those romantic stories doesnt happens on me. haha. so i can just keep on dreaming till, perhaps, that day comes. lol. i couldn’t take my eyes off that handsome guy, Channing Tatum. damn, he’s so handsome!! muahaha.. looks like i have became an idiot for guys now. f**k. this is so wrong. but think about it… he’s so tall, nice looking. he got watever it takes to be a hunk. in the movie, he’s shy and nice. a good football captain. the kind of guy that will make me fall in love with almost immediately. not love at the 1st sight though. aaaawww.. but guys lidat in singapore has somehow become extinct? sigh.. shy with the girls. hahaha… somehow makes me wanna tease whenever i met a guy lidat too.. sigh.. i can’t take my eyes off this kind of guy.. please, at least let me meet someone like him.. a guy or a girl.. after all, it’s not easy not to dream about it day and nite.. i making myself sounded like an idiot though.. haha.. perhaps, i’m one. otherwise, why until now, i’m still so stupid and dumb? oh whatever. i guess we will have a new Store Manager soon. and tim will be out of RX pretty soon. read the email that he sent us..here it goes..

Hey Sport Fans

It has come to my attention that some of you have been wondering about my lack of presence at the Boutique. Well, simply put, and aside from all the rumors/half-truths running around, I’m taking a step back from RX’s operation and concentrating on the assignments given to me by your vice-president and helping out with the training department. With all that’s been happening at TCC, quite abit of things need to be done and I got the short straw. 😉

No worries though, it’s a new challenge and to tell you the truth, it’s kinda invigorating. 🙂 Anyhow, I’ll still be around till the new Boutique Manager gets selected and sent to us, till then, I’m still here. Rest assured that despite all that has transpired, I’m still gonna be here for you and will have your backs till I’m gone.

Just do what you do best and keep at it. We’ve got a rocky journey ahead with the new direction that company is headed for as well as the upcoming manpower changes/transfers, so keep the faith and thanks for doing an awesome job so far. I, we, the managers appreciate it.

That’s all I got, so stay safe and check your sixes,

Tim.

“There’s No Problem That Can’t Be Solved With Enough C4 And The Right Paperwork”

the end of the story. time to slp soon. haha…. sigh.. i’m reali have second thoughts of staying RX to work as a full time this time around. things are not optimistic for me.. at least i thought that way..

yes!!! brazil won the match against aussie last nite. the best match that i watched. well, that’s because i support them that’s why it’s the best match. haha. the match at 9p.m was kinda boring. that’s japan:croatia.. and sit thru out the game and the score was 0:0, draw. haha. was expecting croatia to win though.. but suddenly japan was like, strong too. aaawww.. after that we went to play computer games and wait until 12mn for the brazil:aust.. and it’s exciting. lol. adraino scored the 1st goal followed by fred. ronaldo was out of the game and was replaced by Robino. =) after that we watched the france:korea match. by that time i’m sooo tired.. until france’s henry scored a goal. from the way they play looks slacking sia. until 81 mins korea scored one goal for themselves den the french starts to gan jiong. LOL. no use, so the final score is 1:1.. lol.. after that we took a cab home lah. cos monkey not feeling well. keep asking him wanna go hm he keep saying no need. =.= before that shawn called to ask me to replace him.. he called so late and i was planning to watch soccer until 3am.. scare i couldn’t wake up and i’m have cough. duh.. and i still agreed to replace him relunctantly. and i end up couldn’t wake up on time, and stil not feeling well. stupid tooty. sigh. i hate my dog.

went to attend wedding dinner at Grand Hyatt. it’s my gugu’s son’s wedding. 7 years of long run r/s. how envious. hahaha. the meal there is quite ok. drink some red wine and gave it to my sister bcos i dun wanna drink finish. so my sister drank like 5-6 glasses and my gugu ask her “u drank already ah?” when she was reading a book. =_= before that, there’s a guy who asked me if i’m alvin‘s (alvin is my kor kor who is the groom) colleague. do i look old? duh.. den after that went to meet monkey to watch world cup. czech republic : ghana.. the match is interesting. czech republic got 1 red card and so they are reduced to 10 men. so the score is 0:2. after the match we went to eat at LJS. after that we went back to watch the next match, italy:usa.. if not for the guy who scored an own goal for usa.. the score would be 1:0.. italy would have won instead of having a draw 1:1… the match is almost very interesting when usa reduced to only 9 man, bcos they have got 2 red cards. and den italy reduced to 10 men bcos they received 1 red card. can see the usa is playing rough at the 1nd half of the game. duh. lucky, usa’s 2nd goal cannot be counted bcos it’s offside. phew.. after that we wait for the morning train to go hm.. thus, i’m feeling so tired now. haha. keep watching world cup matches. and i’m going to watch the brazil :aust match at 12mn later too. =)

LEAVE ME ALONE. i don’t feel happy at all, but den each time when i’m out with my fren watching soccer, i have to be “happy”. when i go work, i have to “leave” everything behind and be “myself”. and then realised that he can be so close with a girl, and den say he has got nothing with that girl. i’m close with my guy fren, i have something with my guy fren. or perhaps suddenly, that guy fren of mine, became my “bf”.. lol. holy crap. the “mature” mentality of a certain someone. ah, it sets me pondering abt the past. why do i have to be so ‘persistent’? because, i needed & wanting an apology from them.. knowing i wouldn’t get.. ha. he say, whatever donald say is what he will say too. why does everyone has to make me sound like i’m always at fault. no, i’m not a saint… nor i’m a goddamn sinner. yes, wati have my interest bcos i always complaint my pay is little. but somehow, no matter how i work, the pay is still little. and i’m feeling down now. why can’t i even feel upset?? he can even say cindy chuan how good.. and i’m how bad.. hahaha. so getting a guy piggy back her in the sch consider a good gf, den i might consider doing that too! if that makes me a good person.. or maybe i shd ask her for some useful tips “how to be someone’s good gf and still can go out with guy frens without getting scolding and i’m still a good gf”. the thing is, everyone is doing the same, but ONLY i’m a bitch. oh well, ALL guys is against me.. who says once a guy goes into army, he will “start to think maturely”? i think that’s bullshit. i dun like to be a good person.. i like to be the baddie now. it’s the “IN” thing now anyway. haha. now, mama asking me for money for my hp bill. and what? i only got $205 for this wk’s pay. it’s not as if the next pay i will get alot too. i seriously need money. my hp bill already cost me $104.. duh.. yes, gf is good to me. always helping me to pay for my food when i don’t have enough money. but, i don’t feel good. den duckie say, u don’t earn alot money. i know i don’t. but, i don’t even know what i wanna work as. so after today’s 10 hrs shift, i went to meet monkey to watch WC again at J.E.. to make myself a happier woman. watch WC makes me happy. but i’m tired already. sometimes, i think about my frenship with gf.. how strong is our frenship? i ask her out, she’s not free. but ppl ask her out, she’s free. or am i being sensitive? all i know is, i don’t wanna talk to ANYONE in tcc about ANYTHING anymore. it’s wasting my breathe and still haven’t get any conclusion in the end. or was it because i’m really useless? nah, i don’t even wanna think about that. let me be me. let me die or either survive. but, i think again.. if i ever die, who will shed tears for me? hahaha.. most probably, everyone will just celebrate my death with champ… ahaha… yeah man.. i’m not worth anyone crying for.. that’s why tooty always barked at me.

all i ask of u was to apologise to me.
but end up, i always get myself into trouble.
slut. that’s what u called me on tuesday.
i will always remember that.
first, u said i behave like a bitch.
now, i’m a slut.
nothing too good for u.
people with pride.
it wouldn’t led u anywhere.
but that’s not all that makes me unhappy.

i was “forced” to do OT today.
when i told wati “i don’t feel like doing OT today”..
she say “U know u can’t say “no” rite?”..
thus, i have NO choice at all.
and den gf smsed “gf, sorry to ask.. but will u return me the $50?”..
she makes me sounded like i will run away with that $50..
this makes my day even more worse.
i don’t even feel like talking to anyone at all.
i went to the toilet and the feeling of wanting to cry just came to me..
realising, maybe i made another terrible mistake by staying in tCC.
holy crap..
i’m having 2nd thoughts now.
should i, shouldn’t i?
ha.
this makes me terribly upset.
i just kept crying for nothing.

den he came out from tekong today.
because he‘s going to the graduation day tml.
i wanted to meet him.
thought i might able to knock off from work early
but i was “Forced” somehow to do the bloody OT.
because, iaasc is on MC today.
i covered starkey on mon..
and i have to cover iaasc today..
why ppl can say “no”, and i can’t?
bcos i’m going to be full time?
tat’s not an excuse.
i’m still taking part timer’s pay.
the very pathetic $4.50/hr with $0.80 of allowance/hr.
and everything just make me so flare up.
why work so much when i don’t earn much for working so much in the 1st placE?
only let ppl have more chance and more excuses to look down on me.

and den, donald say i’m useless.
no..
i’m not.
don’t treat me like a rubbish.
i sure have my own good way.
i just hate myself.
reali do.
there is no point always try to please everyone and den make urself so unhappy.
i’m happy when ppl is happy.
but, i’m not happy now.
nothing i do seems to be right.
to the hell i shall go.
they could make me happy
but they always choose to say things to hurt me.
i hate to please anyone.
f*ck off alright?
i don’t need anyone who doesn’t needs me.
or it’s time to get new friends?
or, i don’t need friends at all?

went to watch spain : ukraine at coffee club. they got thrashed by spain until.. omg.. the score was 4:0.. spain has it’s first lucky goal at the 14 mins of the game.. damn. some of the goals that they make, the goalkeeper only managed to touch the ball and not managed to save it. hands too short. later got germany : poland. damn. i wanna watch!! but cannot because i gotta work tml. sigh..