To think that he will think of me. and by adding him in my facebook and realized he gotten a new gf.
So why am i still waiting for him to change his mind and come back to me? This is bullshit. It was actually an unintentional SMS from him on Saturday. The person he truly wants to msg isn’t me. It’s some other girls. And i can feel my heart breaking further into thousands of millions pieces. But I aint stalker. If he didn’t SMS accidentally i won’t even remember that number and happen to saw his new number in facebook. My bad. I asked him if he SMS the wrong person after realising that unknown number is his, he replied “Ya. I msg the wrong person. And pls dont msg me. And i don’t know how you got my number.” Nice one. Suddenly i became a stalker. Over night. What’s the point of him keeping my number when he doesn’t have the intention to let me know his new number? Preposterous. Delete it. Just like i deleted his number and MSN from my contacts. But the thing is, I still can remember them. Because i can’t delete them from my mind.
On another hand, it’s not a secret that Nic likes me. The whole world knows about it. And i actually thought that it’s not gonna be so obvious. HA. I actually told Nic that i don’t wanna meet him so often because he reminds me so much of him. But he wanted me to give him time to prove that he wants to be with me. Ha. A month’s time and the probation period will end on his birthday. But it takes me longer than a month to know truly what kind of person he really is. We shall see. Will i ever get my normal life back?
Ha, i’m stupid. Because i’ve been smsing the wrong number to the correct person. I didn’t know he changed his number till i saw the new number in his facebook. Peili is right… he didn’t even wanna add me in facebook, why did i add him in the first place? I was being stupid. And today, i knew who was the one who smsed me a 🙂 on saturday morning. It was him. But, he didn’t reply me when i asked who is he. So i’m confused over whether he wants me to know he changed his number or not. Perhaps no. He might have msg the wrong person. That’s what Peili told me.
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)i am never without it(anywhere i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true) and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that;s keeping the stars apart
I think I’m out of mind. That’s why I’m doing such thing. Why do I harbor such thoughts again?
Why do I even wish for him to come back? I really do miss him a lot. So much that I couldn’t hold it anymore.
It’s done.
After suppressing the urge, I did send a msg to him.
When I see Nic, I see him. Nic reminds me so much of him. It’s gonna be impossible for me to put him at the back of my mind. Impossible. How can someone I love so much, wants to leave me so badly? I think I’m really not good enough.
Met up with Sze Tien yesterday. Haven’t seen him for a long long time. And we went to Balmoral Plaza to have dinner at the Waffle Place. Ok, i don’t really remember the store name. Getting old. After that went to his house and continue crapping. After that went to meet Nic at Bukit Timah Plaza’s lan shop. After that went to his house for some stupid drinking session which i didn’t really drink because i was sneezing the whole damn night and plus, i’m not an alcohol person.
Went to meet up with Teck Yong and Wei Xiong at JP for “Hellboy II: The Golden Army“. And nice time crapping with him. And when he told me he wanted to ask me along for last night’s clubbing session and didn’t in the end, i was disappointed because they went to Arena and then to Amber 21. So it’s happening can. LOL. And so, he was telling me about his adventure last night. Then he say perhaps next time can join them, lo. Haha. Jealous k. Cos i wanna be happening too! Whatever.
Hellboy II: The Golden Army is not a bad movie after all. There was this sudden emo which makes everyone in the cinema laughs. Oh man. The person behind Hellboy is actually 53 years old man. See his flexibilities! OMG. Considered damn good liao ok.
I think i’m going bonkers here. With him in my mind every now and then, i feel so hard to move on. I even have the urge to send him a msg to tell him how much i’m missing him even though i jolly well knew it in my heart, he don’t give a damn to me. Why do i harbor such thoughts in my mind? Perhaps, i’m missing him too much. Someone PLEASE help me. It’s not easy to sort out such feelings everyday. I’m going crazy~!
You know I love music And every time I hear something hot It makes me wanna move It makes me wanna have fun But it's something about this joint right here This joint right here Its makes me wanna..Woooh
Let it go�� Can't let this thing called love get away from you Feel free right now, going do what you want to do Can't let nobody take it away, from you, from me, from we No time for moping around, are you kidding? And no time for negative vibes, cause I'm winning It's been a long week, I put in my hardest Gonna live my life, feels so good to get it right
So I like what I see when I'm looking at me When I'm walking past the mirror No stress through the night, at a time in my life Ain't worried about if you feel it Got my head on straight, I got my mind right I aint gonna let you kill it You see I wouldn't change my life, my life's just..
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh Just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh You see I wouldn't change my life, my life's just fine
Feels so good, when you're doing all the things that you want to do Get the best out of life, treat yourself to something new Keep your head up high In yourself, believe in you, believe in me Having a really good time, I'm not complaining And I'm a still wear a smile if it raining I got to enjoy myself regardless I appreciate life, I'm so glad I got mine So I like what I see when I'm looking at me
When I'm walking past the mirror Aint worried about you and what you gonna do I'm a lady so I must stay classy Got to keep it hot, keep it together If I want to get better You see I wouldn't change my life, my life's just... Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh Just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh You see I won't change my life, my life's just fine
I aint gonna let nothing get in my way (I ain't gone let nobody bring me down, no, no, no) No matter what nobody has to say (No way, no way, no way) I ain't gonna let nothing get in my way No matter what nobody has to say
Feels so good, when you're doing all the things that you want to do Get the best out of life, treat yourself to something new It's a really good thing to say That I won't change my life, my life's just fine
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh Just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh You see I won't change my life, my life's just fine
So I like what I see when I'm looking at me When I�m walking past the mirror No stress through the night, at a time in my life Ain't worried about if you feel it Got my head on straight, I got my mind right I ain't gonna let you kill it You see I wouldn't change my life, my life's just...
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh Just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh You see I wouldn�t change my life, my life's just fine
Very sorry to everyone because I was in such a foul mood recently. If i have been crude to you, I didn’t really mean it. You know i do treasure my friends. =]
And i feel better now. No more emo-ing.
But that doesn’t mean I am missing him any lesser. Just not that much anymore. I think i will be better as time goes by, because i know he won’t be back anymore. And i hope i won’t fall in deeper anymore. Because i know even if i did, he won’t even care. I should care less. Wrong, i shouldn’t even care. I just need someone to pull me out of this shit. Desperately. PLEASE.
Yup, because i know there will be someone out there waiting for me. Where the hell is my prince charming? ArGH.
Oh yeah, iPhone coming this Friday. Are you ready?!
You must be thinking “Girl, you’re so weak”. Yeah, i admit that i’m weak. Despite all the hurts that he gave me, I’m still missing him. You must be thinking “What the hell”. Yeah, that’s what i’m thinking too, “what the hell”. Everyday i’m pondering over what went wrong, am i not good enough, what is it that he doesn’t like me etc. Deep in my heart, i know i want him back… once i go deeper, i know if he’s really back, i’m gonna get myself more hurt. So which is which? i don’t know anymore. I wished there is someone i can talk to desperately. I wished someone can drop by and ask “Hey Jaymee, how are you today?”.. Apparently, none of them did that, lo. That’s why i’m very upset. Emo-ing alone. Noone really bothers about what i think seriously. i had nightmares last night when i was slpg. i wished someone is here to hold and care about me. at least he was once here. now that he’s gone, i feel even more emo. For the past almost 4 months since we broke up, i’ve been feeling down. Real down. I wondered how would i react if one day i happened to see his friendster, and there is a new pic of him and his new gf… i know immediately i will just lock my door and cry my heart, just like what i’m doing now. God, this is really so hard for me. I wish that i’m not alone. But the fact is, I am.
Welcome a new member to my new collection! It’s Minnie Mouse! Heh heh.
Well, went to meet Nic for dinner. Wanted to cancel it because i’m in a bad mood, but still go for it because i’ve already agreed to go for dinner. It’s his off day today because he was out on sea training yesterday. Good life huh? And we went to play the arcade game and got this, after spending 20 bucks that is. But my stitch cost more, it cost me 30 bucks.. lucky me, i don’t have to pay a single cent for both.
I was surprised Kerine bought me a Stitch toy. Oh well. ZY ask everyone to go for a steamboat gathering tomorrow, but i rejected. U might think i’m throwing my tantrum, but why shd i go when i don’t even know who is my friends really are? I’m just disappointed.
and i seriously don’t know who is my best friend, my good friend, my close friends anymore.
It feels like we are behaving like as if we are only entertainment friends. And good friends who used to standby me when i was down has now gone to far far away land. Leaving me alone to feel all the hurts and emotions.
And then people complain that i didn’t ask them out for some activities after reading from my blog, then when i know they have some activities and didn’t ask me along, it’s the SAME FUCKING feeling. Like wat TY says, people have double standards. Asking people not to do this and that, and they are doing this themselves.
Sometimes i’m so pissed with myself. I’m pissed because after hanging out with the teenages, i feel old and useless. i’m feeling tired everyday. simply because, i hate my life. always having to find someone to go out with, hanging out with the young kids to realize i’m getting old. It’s not that i can’t take jokes or whatsoever, i simply hate it when there is slight amount of BIAS shown.
Example, my GOOD friend meets a group of us, being my GOOD friend, she went into conversation with other guys, despite the fact that we haven’t been chatting online or sms or even talk on phone recently because GOOD friend and her so-called DIDI have something to share. They literally stopped their conversation when i was trying to join them. Feeling a little disappointed i walked away and chat with the rest of them. Even after the conversation with the guy, and we still didn’t talk. Because they want singing. NOBODY LISTENS TO WHAT I WANT AT ALL, so why would they bother to ask me join them? NOBODY cares about the fact that i was sick. Ok lo.
Example, we planned to go on a trip to Night Safari. After GOOD friend consulting her sister, she decided that it’s TOO EXPENSIVE and we going there to SEE NOTHING. Yes, i’m mad. VERY MAD. because i wasn’t told till i was preparing to go out. And worse thing was she didn’t even show up. Did not even return calls. Only sms her so-called DIDI that she’s not coming.
Seriously, what are friends for? To have fun and laughter and not care about ur needs as well? Just because you are scare that they are disappointed, you have to let them have their way. But who in the hell cares about you and your needs? NOONE at all!
Stop planning. Life will be better without plannings. What’s the point of PLANNING and NEVER execute it? FUCK it.
No, i’m not angry they didn’t ask me to join them. I’m angry because i DON’T KNOW them.
Listen to my heart beat 