i had a bad dream today. i dreamt that my swollen hand turns black today, and i woke up immediately from my dream to check if my hand really turns black. what a scary dream.

went to pioneer mall to help my sis to buy season parking coupon because she’s moving home before her wedding. and then, i went to meet slash to get hard disk and had dinner with him. crap a little and head home because my sis’s coming home tonight for dinner. and i was so busy watching the show slash introduce me. i m seriously lacking of slp. imagine typing this entry when i was supposed to be in my bed? hahaha. alright, time to slp. nites.

i was so hurt. really so hurt. when i told him i am so hurt, he say it’s my own business. truth makes you a stronger person.

and when u pinned everything together, it’s rather logical.

you know he has chosen to leave you for some younger slut (since i’m a older fucking slut), but not as pretty because i’m prettier of cos.

he lied abt the reason for breaking up with you – you are childish, that’s y i don’t want you; it not because of another woman. (you said that before when we first broke up but it ended up you broke up with me because of rybena. =]) and yes, i’m childish. because i love you, care for you. care way too much for you. which u dun fucking deserve. know why i didn’t blog so much when we first broke up? because i think u still love and care for me. but now? you are just a heartless bastard whom i never wanna see again.

ok, so what now? someone who is 17 yrs old is very mature? that’s why u like her? c’mon la, don’t bullshit me.

we fight. because he say i deserved to be treated this way. a tight slap was given. he pushed me, he punched me on my chest, my arms and now it’s aching. i have told you before. if you hurt me again, i will bring my friends to beat u up. but i rather i beat u up myself. you’re weak.

he says i’m a fucking slut. thanks. another slap was given. and i got a slap back too. a 3rd slap was given.

he injured my hand when we were fighting and it’s swollen now. it hurts but he will never be remorseful. NEVER. i can hardly bend my left little finger now.

i begged. to give us another one more mth to work tis r/s. he doesn’t want. so be it. i must be crazy to agree the conditions. fuck me.

he complain. complained to that little girl that i refused to go home. I refused to leave because i have not gotten my answer from him yet. now i got it. i really got it. this is him. *you really think i’m stupid enough not to know you’re going out with her meh? i told you, don’t treat me like a fool.

for this fucking slut here, he broke up with me. for this fucking slut here, he broke my heart again. every single time, it’s for a slut. for the Rybena case, i have let go. Perhaps it’s not entirely her fault because she backed off after knowing he got a gf. but this slut here? knows he got a gf and? follows him all the way to MY chalet. why? this cheap couple is trying to prove me something? and i know, he will regret someday, perhaps soon. i believe in retribution. guys who treat me this way, will never have their r/s last very longer. and i make sure this IS the last time i have him in my blog again.

stop treat me like a fucking idiot. i know what’s going around me. i pretended i don’t doesn’t mean i don’t. i knew you have something with Rybena even before you told me. Just that you kept denying. when i ran back to the chalet and ask peili if you have something with that girl, peili told me you and that girl whom you bought to the chalet has nothing going on, which i don’t believe at all. because u fucking helped her to carry her bag. if you have no interest in that girl (ok, i know her name. MANDY studying in YUHUA SECONDARY SCHOOL, repeating her ‘O’ Levels. Oh how smart.), only idiot will believe. and trust me, i was that idiot. bcos i chose not to believe it. if i know earlier that girl is your fren, i would have fucking chase her out of the chalet. i don’t welcome slut in my chalet. NOT IN MT PLACE. no, if i know earlier you are coming down with her, i will tell kai not to bring you here. you came all the way to the chalet with that girl, just to tell me u dun wan me anymore. and went off with her. u saw me running off, but you never come after me. u saw me walking towards you, but you never bother about me. it’s exactly the same fucking thing that happened in “Butterfly”. you saw me, but u didn’t come towards me. you saw me leaving, but you nvr bother to sms me. it’s like you have time and money and energy for slut who is flirting with you and NOT your gf, but you have no time and no money and no energy for me who cares and love you so much and WAS ur gf. just wake up ur fucking idea. once your money runs dry, i see who will be there for you. BASTARD.

if YOU are reading my blog, and think whatever i wrote here is childish. I’M CHILDISH. so what? YOU are even more childish. whenever there is someone new who comes along, u ditched the old one and go for the new one and then go back to the old one again when the new one doesn’t work out. and trust me. if you can do this to me, you will do this to her too. and i never knew NS policeman can be so chee hong. you know why? because he gotta know that slut thru attending a fucking case – that slut’s mother is committing suicide. so, this is so much of a 17 yr old slut? ha. and this is my fucking EX BF. the guy i fucking love so much. but he’s just a fucking chee hong kia. i have finally seen your true colors. i shd have never trust u. NEVER. when i trust you, i only get back more hurt. but i have released everything out. i will see you NO MORE. i won’t want you back anymore. you’re fucking self centered and selfish person. your next r/s will be a failure too. IT WILL.

I’m really sorry for using Kai Hui. i told her not to tell him that i m heading to his hse to qns him. i did not tell her everything. but i did not regret for using her. otherwise i won’t be able to see that fucker’s true color. and i promise this will never happen again. because there is no way i’m gonna be that fucker’s gf anymore. I SWEAR.

i didn’t wanna blog it down. but, i want my feelings known. i wan everyone know you’re a fucking bastard. there’s worse things that i didn’t wrote it down. bcos i don’t want to think you are worse than a bastard. but, you are already one. let people around you do the judgment. let God condemn you.

TO THINK I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND GET SHIT IN RETURN. SO PLEASE FUCK OFF FROM MY LIFE FOREVER. FUCKING CHEE HONG KIA. IT’S MY BAD TO TRUST IN THE THINGS YOU SAID. I MAKE SURE EVERYONE REGRETS, REGRET KNOWING YOU. TRY ME. IF YOU EVER COME BACK AGAIN, I WILL GIVE YOU A TIGHT SLAP AND TELL YOU TO FUCK OFF. FUCKER. I TOLD YOU, DON’T FUCKING TEST MY PATIENCE FOR YOU. TAKE MY WORDS. I WILL NEVER BE SOFT HEARTED TOWARDS YOU ANYMORE. YOU DON’T DESERVE MY ATTENTION AND MY LOVE. I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO ANGRY IN MY WHOLE FUCKING LIFE. BUT YOU MADE IT HAPPENED. I REGRET FOR TRUSTING YOU AND GET BACK WITH YOU. I REGRET FOR GIVING YOU A CHANCE, ANOTHER CHANCE TO HURT ME AGAIN. DON’T COME AND FUCK WITH ME AGAIN. DON’T. YOU DISGUSTED ME. BIG TIME, REAL TIME. DON’T FUCKING MESS AROUND WITH ME JUST BECAUSE I LOVE YOU A LOT. FUCK OFF. AND DON’T COME BACK TELLING ME YOU FUCKING LOVE ME ALRIGHT? U ONLY FUCKING LOVE SEX. YOU DON’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW WHAT’S LOVE. SO JUST FUCK OFF AND LIVE INTO YOUR OWN FUCKING WORLD. LET’S SEE HOW LONG IS YOUR FUCKING ‘LOVE’ AND INTEREST GONNA LAST FOR THAT FUCKING SLUT.

AND GIRLS, HE JUST WANT A GIRLFRIEND FOR FUCK. SO WHY CHOOSE HIM WHEN YOU CAN CHOOSE BETTER GUYS OUTSIDE? DO YOU WANNA BE LIKE ME?

BUT DON’T WORRY, IT’S ONLY SLUTS HE’S INTERESTED IN. GIRLS WHO HE THINKS HE CAN FUCK. BUT, I AINT HIS CUP OF TEA. OH YAH, PROVIDED IF YOU ARE 17 YEARS OLD OK? SO PLEASE, DON’T EVER COME BACK BECAUSE I AM GONNA BE FUCKING 23, TOO OLD FOR YOUR INTEREST. I WILL REALLY APPRECIATE IF YOU REALLY LEAVE FOR GOOD.

btw, do i sound very crude here? he treat me worse than this ok? so, even if you are fucking unhappy abt me scolding your fren slut, u dun fucking scold me alright. asshole. but she’s indeed a slut.

chalet is about life enjoyment.

Garfield and friends!!

chalet is about playing PSP the whole day,

and dai dee for 3 days 2 nights. LOL

then we have a pool game. me & eve lost. LOL.

and indeed, friends don’t let friends talk to ugly boys.

lao pa very laoya, he K.O after the 海盗船 (pirate ship). LOL. it’s fun playing all these games. but i did not try out the exciting and thrilling ones.. because stead oso laoya.

we went back to the chalet to play dai dee while stead went to shit for 10 mins. LOL. 赌徒们. and pei di says it doesn’t stink and dashed out of the chalet. that scene is freaking funny.

then it’s BBQ at night~~

and it’s fun during these 3 days of chalet. and for anything unhappy that happened. we can only say it’s unfortunate. but i love you guys!! =]

do you know what’s heartache?

heartache is when the person u love so much breaks up with you for the second time, and your whole body becomes wobbly – unable to stand still, legs become jelly

heartache is when you love the person dearly and he doesn’t love you as much.

heartache is when you missed someone dearly and he doesn’t miss you.

heartache is when you refused to break up and he insisted.

heartache is when he knows how you feel and what you are looking forward to… he still insisted on breaking up.

heartache is when he knows you are waiting for him, he fucking sneaked home w/o informing.

heartache is everything HE CAN FUCKING GIVE ME.

i don’t want to feel unwanted or unimportant to him. but this is how i feel for the past few days for not contacting him. i dun wanna feel this way. but he’s not making me feel good. what should i do? because i really miss him a lot. really. i’m so scare of getting hurt again.. should i just let it go?

when i told shaiful that me n him got back together… he was shocked.. and he doesn’t wanna talk anymore.. because he scared he might bad mouth about him because he hurt me so deep previously. =[

went to watch movie with Tian Fu. “Rule #1“. i was actually quite shocked to see Fiona Xie’s name. and because i don’t really like her acting at all. or should i say i don’t like her at all? LOL. anyways, the movie isn’t scary at all.. i was wondering how does people watch movie with their face covered. hmmm.. it’s a mystery. anyways, supper at jurong. it’s nice to have people crapping with me. yup. and what surprises me is, he bought me a bouquet of flowers to cheer me up. aawwww.. how sweet of him. =]

i hate the fact that i am weak.

because i hate the fact that i miss him and he don’t miss me.

am too tired. nite.

it’s my second day of work today. and it doesn’t mean that my day got any better.

1) i reached peiyun’s hse, and realized she just woke up. thus i have to take bus to mrt station -> train to lavander -> walk to Keypoint.

2) i managed to reach the office at 8.44am. and i tried to scan my finger, but it didn’t get thru so i tried again.. at least 5 times and by the time i managed to scan my finger, time is 8.46am. I’M CONSIDER LATE. but lucky for me, my supervisor informed the the account ppl that i wasn’t late!

3) raining during lunch time. followed my manager and supervisor for lunch, and it’s NOT filling at all. because i m simply TOO hungry. =[

4) i’m DYING to eat tom yum ban mian, but the tom yum ban mian i had for the past 2 days = SALTY. =[

5) the pair of new shoes i bought yesterday, is giving me BRUISE. zzz

lucky for me, i had PSP to play. because i met up with Shaun, Michael, CHeryl and Rebecca. hee. gotta keep myself super busy.. otherwise i might just end up being EMO. zzz. and i will be looking forward to work with Shaun. Yup. =] that’s all. because i was bz entertaining myself with PSP, thus NO pics! hohoho.

it’s my first day at work. and i was so unlucky till my heels BROKE early in the morning while i was making my way to PeiYun‘s hse. =.= and what worse is, she forgot to bring a pair down. and i have walk like a limb person. until i finish work. OMG. lucky i got a pair of hello kitty slipper for the day. =| and lunch, i have no appetite. =[

Lunch: burger suck + emo = hungry
Dinner: noodle salty + aunty’s deaf after repeating TWICE i wan tom yum ban mian + angry = hungry

i don’t know if what i did is right. i promised to leave him alone for a week so that he will not break up with me over small matters. it seems like this whole week gonna be like forever. at the same time, this r/s is getting ridiculous. he knows i misses him so much, how to i bear a week not seeing, not contacting him? people asked me if he really loves me. because if he does, he would wanna see me, wanna talk to me every moment… wanna do everything together. but that was not the case. he said his aunt knows that i went up to his house last week and create a ‘scene’ there. what did i do? i merely stand outside his house for 15 mins, called him, sms him and knock on the door 3 times and left. think about it, it’s stupid. hahaha. some times human gotta do stupid stuffs lidat to realize and never make the same mistake again.

since last wed till now, i am feeling down, upset, miserable… but he wasn’t by my side.. all he knows was to be mad at me. and because of me, i spoiled the fun on sat. otherwise everything is perfectly ok. attended someone’s bday, but i went off without saying goodbye. i feel so bad. lucky, that guy is a good guy. =]

i called him during lunch time, just to ask him don’t do this thing to me anymore. because i seriously can’t take it anymore. really. the one week while not contacting him, many things can happen. and i can only imagine the worse.