i really feel bad about last night. if it wasn’t for me, i guess it will be an enjoyable night.

i really miss him alot.

Am i childish when he say he doesn’t wanna see me and i went to look for him. Am i childish when he say don’t call him and i kept calling him? Am i childish getting his friend to help me look for him when he doesn’t wanna reply me?

I wouldn’t say this is childish. I call this S T U P I D. i’ve been thinking for the past 2 days or perhaps 3 days when he doesn’t wanna contact and when he pissed off just because i failed to pick up his call (he knows i will call back. but he kept calling as if i will disappear from this earth.). and he doesn’t wanna talk to me since then. and i have to bear this pain. i bear this pain for 3 days. how long more? this morning i smsed him if he still wants me. he replied i’m childish. and i asked him in what way am i childish, he mentioned the above. if he had answer my call OR reply my sms, would the WHOLE WORLD knows we fight over such peanut matter? i’m just a laughing stock to some people. his attitude towards me is getting more and more ridiculous. i am serious. please tell me which bf would treat his gf like shit? please tell me.

WHY i can’t just have a PROPER r/s?

WHY is it so hard?

WHY come back to me and treat like shit all over again?

i’m a HUMAN, not MACHINE. i have my EMOTIONS as well. but ppl would blame me. It’s always the case. in a quarrel, he’s always the right one i’m always the wrong one.

WHY is it so??

Just because he’s in the fucking NS, so i tried my best to be understanding. he doesn’t like me to ask him WHAT time he finish work, i stopped asking. he doesn’t like me this, doesn’t like me that, i tried to compromise. But when it comes to quarrel, there is NO compromise even i apologize even if it’s NOT my fault. i did my best. but all it exchange for “i don’t want u”. So be it. If you wanna leave me, den leave me for good. Don’t ever come back again. and All i ask from you is CAN YOU PLS STOP READING MY BLOG.

my greatest mistake is, i over reacted when someone is angry with me.

my greatest mistake is, i shouldn’t have care when some people don’t give a damn to me at all.

this is my disappointment. there are more. but, what’s the point of saying it out? Some people just don’t get it.

We are talking about life enjoyment before me start working in the new company next week. =]

Anways, i had my FIRST DOTA game today! I’m really a noob in playing DOTA. and everyone was like laughing at me. for the 1st game i played, we stopped the game with me at level 10. and we start the 2nd game and we won the game with me at level 18. at least i improved ok? everyone was laughing at me when i failed to escape from the computer PANDA. and the second character that i used, i can’t see myself because when it goes to level 4, i’m totally invisible and by then i found myself.. i was killed. OMG. LOL. it’s so fun. and we played counter strike as well. NICE game. i was so nervous when Kai kept coming to me to tell me shoot whoever was still alive. LOL. it’s like a heart attack game. hahaha. and i haven’t seen Pei Di for a long time as well! hahaha.

It’s been a week since i update my blog. OMG. ok, here i go. Nothing much actually. Let’s put the unhappy stuffs aside. Met up with bf and things gets better. Yup. That’s what i wish to see anyways.

01 March 2008, Saturday
Met up with Sue on Saturday to Fizah‘s hse to see her baby and then we went to CHangi Airport to have dinner simply because, we couldn’t make up our mind where and what to eat. and i happened to see CHANGI AIRPORT on the map at somerset bus stop, so yup. Saw bf‘s fren belle at the airport as well. and he played a prank on her. oh well. it’s so stupid. then i went to meet my STEAD at boat quay and den head down to liquid. Unfortunately, bf wants me to go home at 2am. =[ otherwise i wanna stay behind and have some fun as well.

02 March 2008, Sunday

Went out with Evelyn and STEAD on friday for singing session! but it only last for 1.5 hrs because the Partyworld closes at 12mn. 他们开到很早。that’s what my STEAD told me. i was very happy when bf came to join us after his shift work. and he’s like so tired, becos the night before he didn’t have ample rest. and before that he told me possibility is he will go home after work. =[ and we had fun. we went for drinking on sunday because STEAD‘s feeling down. Don’t listen to whatever people might advice to you, follow your heart. But if u know that u can’t follow your heart entirely, den USE YOUR BRAIN. i strongly believe that one must be honest in a r/s otherwise it’s hard to survive. Trust is an issue as well. it’s like saying “i trust my boyfwen” and next moment he did something real bad and betray your trust, den from then on.. you will know that it’s just so hard to trust people. and i’m sure we had fun last night. bf was saying it’s been awhile since he last went drinking ever since we got back together. and the pictures of me are so fugly.

i had a very sumptuous dinner at my sis’s house today. this makes me happy. because i got PSP to play and nice dinner. This is the first time my sis’s cooking for me. ho ho ho. Xing fU~ i love my sis~~~ and i love the PSP as well. hahaha.

i’m pretty upset. if my concern about ‘what time he’s gonna finish work’ is part of trying to get attention, i seriously have nothing much to say. if that’s the case i will never ask again. i have said sorry. but i doubt i can continue this r/s anymore. he said i was trying to get attention which he say he don’t give. this fucking hurts me. the moment i saw this msg, my heart hurts. my tears flowing out. nothing is fucking right. this r/s is so fucking wrong in the first place. i shouldn’t have make myself emotion vulnerable again. it’s not right. this time, i’m so screwed. i can choose not to make myself so upset. but i m always so screwed until i made myself vulnerable to such kind of person again. fuck. i’m his gf but i don’t deserve any attention, den might as well.

that 10 million buck TOTO, doesn’t belong to me. sad-ed. nevertheless, i have expected that. each set of nos, i only got 1 or 2, that’s it. in life, this is what we call gamble. like what christina always say, got buy got hope. no buy no hope. at least we had a little hope. hahaha.

quarreled. i think that the usual stuff. and people says, both of us are testing each other’s patience. perhaps. why can’t i throw a little temper? why must he get angry when i m angry? why must he get angry over small things and i must let him be? sometimes such r/s is stupid. Hey you, BE THE MAN, DO THE RIGHT THING. but apparently, he doesn’t and won’t listen to me… simply because he don’t love me as much. he thinks it’s ok to treat me the way he’s treating me now, bcos i love him so… and the fact that i will initiative to talk to him. because that’s always the case. not now. human changes. stop talking about him. he never talks abt anything. he got his pride to look after. i can see how much you loved her. and i really can see how much you love me. your love for me is so ‘strong’ until “break up” was often mentioned. finished. i’m done here. hurt enough. cry enough. emo enough. enough is enough. if you wanna leave, leave completely. leave with no trace.

met up with shaiful and pom today. me, peili, sikai, shaiful and pom had dinner at Siam Thai at JP. and we were sitting at for a long time crapping… and then headed home after that. and here i am sitting in front of my laptop. feeling emo again. zzzzz

Our first attempt to cook dinner tonight. We cook my favorite food! Spaghetti with garlic and Olive oil, and garlic butter prawns. and we bought a bottle of FAKE champagne. LOL. act romantic. We only miss out the candle part. Oh well. and then spend my night here doing nothing. At least i have my lappy with me. Feeling so lazy, so i did not put on any make up, anyways i doubt we will be going out (except the part we went to Prime Supermarket to get our ingredients). wanted to go skating today, but because bf doesn’t wanna go, peili suggested that i should meet him bcos he might wanna spend his leave with me. Oh well, at least i had a great night. =] It’s been a long while since i last cooked. hehe.