Frustrations

H.A.P.P.I.N.E.S.S

Categories Frustrations, Loves, Marriage, WeddingsLeave a Comment on H.A.P.P.I.N.E.S.S

It’s not easy to stay happy everyday, every moment of our lives.

There are ups and downs, happy and sad moments. Moments for celebration and moments to mourn.

Sometimes, we tend to dwell more into our sadness than happiness. I admitted that sometimes I have been dwelling so much on the negative side that I almost forgot that I have happiness by my side.

Sometimes, I can’t tell if I am optimistic person or a pessimistic person. Then this came into my thought:

No one can take your happiness away from you unless you allow them to.

How true it is. By dwelling into those sadness, I am taking away my own happiness. I have been allowing that person to take my happiness away from me.

Dwelling in unhappiness, not only makes you even more unhappy and pathetic. The worse thing could happen is it steals your chance to be happy. When I kept having those negative thoughts, I could feel the negative thought inside me are devouring me slowly. I feel like I am dying in my negative thoughts. That’s very bad. And I do sound pathetic.

Even though I was the one who made THE decision (and I don’t regret), it still keeps me pondering – WHY. Why things like that happened, why did we have to end up like this. Is it something wrong with me? Why this, why that. Such questions always linger around, never really leave me. Then I came to realize that not everything has an explanation or can be explained. But I am very scare, what if all these things will happen again in the next relationship? I know the best solution to this is: eliminate the negative thoughts!

To be honest, I feel sucky to even think about the woman moving in taking over my place and everything in the room (right) after I moved out. I have totally moved on away from this saga since it happened almost/more than half a year ago. I totally did. I probably still can’t believe that he did whatever he did to me. To think about it, I don’t think I have a place there (in that household/his heart). Ha! And I will totally remember what he said to me when I insisted on my decision, maybe not for the rest of my live because I have short term memory and I do not wanna bring such memories into my new life.

And I am so glad that I took that step, because if I didn’t, I will not have my happiness now. Some men treats women like dirt, but some men treats their women like treasure. I am sure mine will treat me like treasure. I am loving my life even better now; learning piano and what’s not. Doing things that I truly enjoy, going out with my favourite person in the world. It is very important to find a partner who can do things together, supports and encourage each other. It took me quite few years to be determined of the decision I made a few years ago. And because of this, I am happy because I think I have found that someone. And now, he matters most to me. 🙂

After finish writing this post, I feel the positive thoughts are rushing back to me. Writing about all these things does relieves me from the negative thoughts and gives me spiritual healing and I guess this is the only place I can rant out my negative thoughts. And when I read this back a few years later, I will probably laugh at this post. Hahaha!

Why should I bother?

Categories Family, Frustrations, Marriage1 Comment on Why should I bother?

Right, the title and the content of this blog usually differs. This shouldn’t be a secret anymore.

One moment I was telling myself, why should I bother since I have already made the decision a few months ago. Then next moment I keep wondering, am I really that bad that he doesn’t love me anymore?

But then again, truth really hurts. Especially when my imaginations set in, it made things even worse. I started to ponder and question myself what went wrong. But obviously, our characters differs too much. And everything became worse. Both of us made a hasty decision to get married, and now we are gonna have our separate lives soon.

Then why made that decision in the first place?
Noone in the right mind would wanna get married and the next moment divorce comes into her mind. It happened to me a couple of times in the past few years and finally this divorce is taking place. It wasn’t really what I want it, but really its beyond my tolerance. I cannot be in a marriage when both of us seems to be living separate lives. He claimed he was trying to give me the freedom, but I say because he doesn’t love me. Any couple would wanna do things together regardless their differences. He said he doesn’t like my other group of friends, fine. What about those times that I was sick at home? He will go out with his friends. Even when I wish to sleep early, he will keep the lights on and then tell me that I can sleep with the lights on. And then unwillingly switch off the lights. Seriously, if I wanna have my so-called “freedom”, why do I wanna marry him in the first place? Being single, I will have all the freedom I want.

After Vday 2014, he took me for a Staycation at RWS (he insisted on having one), he went casino because he said I’m napping and promised to be back for dinner. I waited, called for room service and he only came back around 1plus am. And when I told him my unhappiness, he told me this is a one-time mistake. Seriously, I don’t buy this story. This is one mistake that he shouldn’t have made in the first place. Prior to that, he didn’t even bother to talk to me until we checked in.

Knowing that he doesn’t love me, and was trying to ‘keep’ this marriage, I am disgusted. One moment he was trying to ‘save’ this marriage, another moment he starts to agitate me with his nonsense. I should know it better.

To everyone, he is the person who wants to save this marriage and I’m the one who insisted on getting the divorce. Only God knows the truth.

Probably we are not ready for each other. This marriage happened for a purpose, I supposed.

Obviously my parents objected my decision to divorce. And for this, I resented them for pushing me too much. Of course I know they are trying to have my best interest. But by respecting me, is the greatest support of having my best interest.

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I have been sitting in the park for a couple of hours, writing this entry. I am trying hard to keep clam. Its not easy to keep calm, especially being alone. Lucky, there are people who are willing to listen to my rants. All I need is a listening ears, why keep on rebuking me? It doesn’t make me feel better, it made me feel worse in fact. Sometimes I wondered who are my real BFF or do I even have one to begin with? When I cried a river, I will definitely feel better.

And no, I don’t regret my decision. I wish him all the best with his new gf. I just wished he is man enough to admit that he, too, doesn’t want this marriage anymore instead of pretending. I strongly believe if a man wish to keep his marriage, he wont have another gf as soon as I moved out his house or it probably started after I filed for divorce in April. Of course, I am not trying to be saint here. My biggest mistake is I spent too much money (which he loathes) and now, I am fighting within me. And most importantly, I gave him too much trust. Now then I realized why he kept forcing me to tell his parents and mine when I didn’t want to. And why he kept asking me how long the process will take and the house. He was trying to give the impressions to our parents that he tried to ‘save’ this marriage, and I am not willing to give him a chance.

Well, lets have hope for his next marriage and I really hope this time round he is not going to marry her just because she is another Christian girlfriend (probably a Christian, because he say same faith = same thinking). That’s what he has been saying to me, he married me because I am a Christian, not because he loves me. Same faith = same thinking. Sorry, most of the time I cannot bring myself to compromise to his weird and selfish thoughts.

And to those who came for my wedding, thanks for those well wishes. It just didn’t turn out the way it should be. Probably in the future I will take my own sweet time to decide on the man. This time round, it was rather impulsive, I would say.

The reason I’m upset is because I can’t believe I am with him for the past 5 years, wasting my precious youth. And came to know his true colors only now. I know I will have a better life without him once all things are settled, debts paid. I will learn from this lesson, never trust a man (a man who doesn’t does what he preach. A man of words) like him. Should have insisted when I first mentioned divorce in 2011. And I will open my eyes wider the next time if I ever gonna jump into marriage again.

And I have a sudden thought that once everything is settled, I do not want to stay here anymore.

You guys won’t understand, because it’s not meant for you to anyways. I just needed a space to rant, and this is my spot.

And oh, I didn’t know Wilson Teo and his gf were together for a few months until 2 – 3 days ago. God knows when this r/s of his started.

Labour Day Weekends

Categories Frustrations, Loves, Movies, ReviewLeave a Comment on Labour Day Weekends

It’s been a few days since I last blogged, and I told myself… I will try to blog as often as I could. BUT, I am so caught up with things. First, I need to do my pre-assignment for my Human Resource Management (HRM) which is due on the 10th May. And I got about 7 days to do now! After which I need to do my Economics pre-assignment which is due on the 24th May. Ah, nevermind about the assignments! I am sure I will be able to complete everything with God’s help. =]

Anyways, I had quite an enjoyable weekend last week! With my friends and my Dearest.


Last Friday, I finally meet up with TY, after so long. Maybe for more than half a year? We went for a movie marathon, despite our tiredness, Iron Man 2 and Ip Man 2! The most looked forward movie of the month! We had a fast dinner at Secret Recipe (P.S), and I am telling you, I AM NOT GOING BACK FOR ANY MEALS. The service was really bad. I put up my hand for order, and the indian guy told me he will get back to me (sorry if I have sounded a little racist here). After waiting for 10 minutes, noone came, so I thought we have to order at the counter. Since my order is kinda complicated (not wanting the vegs and whats not), I offered to order the food. And so, the malay server told me to go back to my seat and they will get back to me in a short while. Feeling frustrated and rushing for time, I told her that SOMEONE told me that he’ll get back to me and he didn’t, that’s the reason WHY I WENT TO THE COUNTER! Ok, so she came to me in a minute’s time. The food there is really horrible. No taste. I had the Vietnamese Beef Noodle (and I have the liking for the beef noodle, because that’s the best I had so far), it tasted like…. DARK SOYA SAUCE + OIL. I am like “WOW”, and it’s not cheap at all.

Nevermind about the food, we rushed for the movie because we were about 20 minutes late (the movie starts at 2145hrs). Lucky for me, we didnt miss a lot of the show, in fact, just a few minutes of the show. Please remember to stay till the end of the credit!! Because there is a short footage of Iron Man 3, maybe? LOL. I would still prefer Iron Man 1, because Iron Man 2 seems a little too… dry. And once the show finishes, it’s time for some toilet and smoking break before we head for the 2nd movie, Ip Man 2. We watched Ip Man 2 with Shun Jie and Jian Hui. And Ip Man 2 is still as good as Ip Man 1. But it’s both movies are recommended!!

On Saturday, I went for my driving practical, finally. And I am so glad and happy. Glad because I took private lessons, happy because I can drive again! The driving lesson went smoothly, and perhaps I was too nervous, I was holding on the stirling wheel very tightly. I guess I need to find ways to relax myself. 🙂 After that, we went to ECP’s lagoon for dinner. And it was a very sumptuous dinner!

On Sunday, we went for our church service. And last week, they celebrated Mother’s Day. I am wishing all mothers out there a VERY HAPPY MoTHER’s DAY! Without our mommy, we won’t be here standing. So one should be grateful to our mother’s love and not forgetting the love of our great God!

Side track a little with Cosmetic testing:

Anyways, I tried out the Mabeline’s B.B cream! I was wondering to myself, how can I get the perfect make up without looking so dull and boring. At least have some radiance on my face, and make my complexion a little bit more chio. I bought it out of curiousity because everywhere I went, there is this person promoting about B.B cream and I was wondering what this B.B cream can do. I am not really convinced of what the person says until I tried it myself. And it really does wonder! It’s a pity that this is just a small tude. And it cost about $17.90.

Notice any differnces? The top is without B.B cream and and bottom is with B.B cream. B.B cream actually gives a better coverage on your face. It does a little conceal too! So it can really cover a little bit of my dark eye rings and the redness caused by the pimples. And to complete it, I applied eyes and face concealer to conceal the pimples totally. After that, put on your liquid foundation, and set it with loose powder for more lasting effect. Then you can put on your eye make up and whatsoever. But, if you don’t want to put on heavy make up or personally perfers to have a light make up, you can just put on the B.B cream (after your pimple cream and moisturizer), set it with some loose powder and you are ready to go!

I am saying so beause, you can really notice the difference in my make up! The B.B cream actually gives ‘radiance’ your skin, so your make up doesn’t look dull. See the picture! So much difference! (Damn, I think I looked FAT on the picture) I super recommed B.B.cream if you wanna have radiance on your face and better coverage. Try Etude House or Mabelline (only the one you see in the picture above!)! Etude House have so much choices of B.B Cream. I am sure you can search for a perfect one there!

Back to where I stopped. After church service, we went to have dinner at Old Town. And the serving is really small, but the food is considered nice.


Some arty farty shots during the dinner time. LOL. After the dinner, we took circle line and headed back home. I was thinking to myself. From one stop to another took about 2 minutes, which means it took us about 6 minutes from Promenade to Mountbatten MRT station, which is 3 stops away. I always thought that once the circle line opens, then the W-E MRT line will not be as crowded. But, I WAS WRONG! It’s still as crowded as before. Simply because.. the circle line is from the middle central (Paya Lebar) to north side (Bishan), and the west is till Buona Vista. Nothing at Pasir Ris or Jurong. So irritating right? And sometimes, I almost stick my face onto the door, or have to smell the B.O of certain someone. Yucks. Unlike Dearest, he can just can C.L from Mountbattem and alight a few stops later to Bras Basah. So convenient for him.

I am still find it weird that we have to wait for about 5 minutes before the next train arrival during peak hours. When the previous trains are already so PACKED. Can’t SMRT do something about it? They just keep building more train stations, and they are not providing more trains for the peak hours, so what’s the point of having so much stations and NO MUCH TRAINS??

And, I am so happy and glad to have such a caring future mother in law. LOL. When the volcano erupted and the weather forecast say the cloud will spread as the winds blow, thus we will see these ‘poisonous’ clouds and it rains when it’s still so bright and sunny, she told Dearest to tell me not to get myself caught in such rain. And then, she asked Dearest if we wanna have dinner at home because it’s not good that we kept having dinner outside. Ahhhh. What more can I ask for? 😉


Did mention about going to Jay Chou’s concert?? I’m going on the 23rd July!! A day before my exam. SO……. I AM GOING TO TAKE LEAVE, MUG AT HOME.. And head for his concert!! 😀 Happy like a bird! I am going with Uncle Jeremy and the ‘gf’, and REmi & CO~!