Had my driving lesson yesterday, and I seriously think it’s not too bad! Haha~ Passed my right turn lesson and now moving on my U-turn lesson. = Passing 1 lesson every week is really very pathetic. But what to do when my driving sucks? Muahaha.

After that, I went to meet Nicholas and friends because they are at West Mall and it was drizzling outside BBDC and to make things worse, it’s also the shift change time. Argh. Went to watch “20th Century Boys” with them, and I seriously think that this movie is damn confusing and filled with MYSTERIES. Because at the end of the show, they still doesn’t show the face of the baddie, and worse still, it’s a to-be-continued movie. Perhaps, I don’t appreciate such manga turned movie. But “Death Note” is really not bad! Oh, by the way this is a trilogy film. After movie, we went to Pasta Mania to have dinner because Nicholas needs have his dinner and rush to camp. I didn’t want to have dinner there because I don’t feel very italian, in another words, i don’t feel like eating pasta. Having no choice, I had my dinner there anyways, after Nicholas left. After that I wasted some of time with his friends, went to the arcade though and played a game of puzzle bobble.

After that, I head to JE to meet up with Scandal and friends. We were supposed to meet at 9p.m de loh, and as usual, I predicted that he won’t be reaching on time. So I took my own sweet time to travel from West Mall to JE by bus. LOL. Scandal and Wei Xiong was sitting outside Mcdonald’s and Scandal looked damn tired (because he went to chiong sua on Thursday – Friday, I think). Accompany them to have dinner and then we head towards Chervons for our singing session. And, before that we went to have a few games of bowling. I wondered how did I managed to bowl until my thight on my left leg is painful. Muahaha. I was totally moodless so I didn’t really have the mood to sing. Anyways, after that we head to Mcdonald’s because Scandal wants to have some supper. And we chat till 5plus a.m before heading home. I think Scandal is too tired until he fell aslp. This is so tiring man. =P

周杰伦 – 说好的幸福呢

一堆绘画凌乱着
在这个时刻
我想起斑鹃般的白鸽
甜蜜散落了
情绪摸名地拉扯
我还爱你呢
但你断断续续唱着歌
假装没事了
时间过了 走了
爱情面临选择
你冷了 倦了我哭了
你开始的不快乐
你用卡片信写着
有谁爱只给到这真的痛了
怎么了 你累了
说好的 幸福呢
我懂了 不说了
爱断了 梦怨了
开始你不该信疑 一心述着你再不舍
那些爱过的感觉都太深刻 我都还记得
你不等了 说好的 幸福呢
我错了 泪干了 放手了 后悔了
只是回忆那音乐盒还旋转着
要怎么停呢
一堆绘画凌乱着
在这个时刻
我想起斑鹃般的白鸽
甜蜜散落了
情绪摸名地拉扯
我还爱你呢
但你断断续续唱着歌
假装没事了
时间过了 走了
爱情面临选择
你冷了 倦了我哭了
你开始的不快乐
你用卡片信写着
有谁爱只给到这真的痛了
怎么了 你累了
说好的 幸福呢
我懂了 不说了
爱断了 梦怨了
开始你不该信疑 一心述着你再不舍
那些爱过的感觉都太深刻 我都还记得
你不等了 说好的 幸福呢
我错了 泪干了 放手了 后悔了
只是回忆那音乐盒还旋转着
要怎么停呢
怎么了 你累了
说好的 幸福呢
我懂了 不说了
爱断了 梦怨了 画都还记得
你不等了 说好的 幸福呢
我错了 泪干了 放手了 后悔了
只是回忆那音乐盒还旋转着
要怎么停呢
说好的幸福呢

Finally! We got a new modem router for our house!

Went to Sim Lim Sq after work with Nicholas and Margie to buy the new modem router, because it’s really stupid for us to keep paying the internet bill and not use it. We bought a Wireless-N ADSL2+ Gateway. And to set it up, took me about almost 2 hours. Reason being, because I do not have the Account Name and Password for the singnet broadband. And I’ve to call up Singnet (1610, which is USELESS at night because there is no technical helpdesk) to reset the password which DOESN’T work. I tried umpteen times and the password or the username is still incorrect. Without internet, I couldn’t call Singtel Broadband Technical Helpdesk, so I got my sister to help me check out the number (1800 8486 933). And there, the person I spoke to told me they don’t really do technical support for Linksys Modem Router and this time I am like, “HELLO, you guys SUGGESTED me to buy that one lo!”

And indeed, after calling up the Linksys helpdesk, my wired AND wireless works perfectly fine and the internet speed is SUPERB! After all, we spent $155 on this N series wireless modem router, which is I supposed is the latest ones available in the market. Nicholas fell asleep while waiting for me to finish configuring my wireless. And I even helped my little sister to configure hers. LOL. And by the time I reached Nicholas’s house was like 12mn, I’m really very tired liao. Did I mention he was supposed to help me with the modem? Well, I guess I handle it well enough. Next, I have to buy RAM for my fucking slow laptop. =] Cheers!

The chapter of him SMS-ing me and make me so confused has come to an end. Because this time round, I couldn’t take it anymore, I told him to fuck off from my life.

Yeah, I really said that if you don’t believe me. But I don’t need anyone to believe me. This is so sad, because we can’t even be friends. Not with me still loving him so much.

So fuck off from my life even if you have no intentions like what you had said. Of cos, I want to believe that you won’t ask me back again and i DON’T DESERVE different treatment. And I aint a doc to his fucking loneliness. This is the last-est good bye.

PS: this shall be the last entry about him.

MAYBE, I will be able to be his friend, if time is long enough for me to forget. Forget abt what has happened between us. Forget that I loved him so.

I am sick and tired from those packs of LIES he told me. And ONLY ME will believe such lies. WTF.

Can someone tell him to FUCK OFF from MY LIFE?

What a bastard.

Scandal no longer Scandal because he thinks I’m ready to go back to him. Ya right. Over my dead body. But if that’s the case, then let it be. Maybe I will be fine alone.

AHhh! I know this sounds stupid. But why do I always go ‘crazy’ whenever he SMSed me? = And why do I even miss him now? FUCK. Maybe this will go away soon.

And pls, don’t say how bad he was in the past. Don’t say that in front of me at least. This really makes me feel sad. I’m sad enough.

Nicholas has been putting stress on me, knowingly or unknowingly, until I couldn’t take it anymore, i exploded. By saying very mean things to him and wanting to go home in the middle of night. Please don’t say you are not like him, because YOU ARE LIKE HIM.

Everyone is concerned about him. Samuel, Wei Wan and even Evelyn. Where are my friends who will show me some concern too? Maybe they think I have been thru this once and I will get it over soon. Or maybe they think I’m being mean to him, that’s why they are showering him with care and concern? How I wish I can get out of this shit hole. But apparently, I can’t. I can feel myself going back to the past. If people can move on, why can’t I move on too? Being emo isnt the best solution. But that’s me, always.

Nicholas was trying to tell me how much he loves me and how much he needs me and how much he wants me to stay. But still, I want to leave. I want to LEAVE HIM. I asked him why I should stay for him, he say because he love me very much. I can’t love him and in fact, sometimes I feel like I hated him. For doing things that I hate.

Guys being guys, they have the lust for sex. So why say you are different from him when you are JUST like him? I did not blame him for what happened last night because it was kinda expected. But I really want to have that kind of trust in you, but it’s just so hard now. Kept telling me how bad he was, is not going to help. Because I hate you for saying those things to me. I DON’T WANT TO BELIEVE in any single things you said about him. And yes, you DO NOT SAY I wanted IT when you are the one who wants IT.

In Nicholas, I see the past me. So irritating trying to patch up with him. Now I know how it feels like when he doesn’t love me anymore and I kept persuading him to change his bloody mind. I’m a pain in my own ass.

Fuck, I hate being in a relationship. I need to get out of this shit soon. Can someone help me?

I had my hair cut. Don’t ask me why. Because I don’t know too.

Dear Myself,

After these 3 days of communicating with him, I have decided that I can’t be his friend. And perhaps will never be. Because thinking back into the past, the scar is still there. The hurt is still there. Pretending everything is normal when it’s not, it’s just not me. Well, at least, he feel sad for his recent break up.

Some things are not meant to be and will never be the same again. He and I know it very well. Even Evelyn can remember clearly that he promised he will never contact me ever again. And what changes his mind, I don’t know and I guess I won’t know.

We were SMS-ing after heading home separately. I asked him, why did he asked me out for dinner? And he just reply, “just for dinner lo. need a reason to ask me out for dinner?”. Some times, when things happened too sudden, I guess I need a reason. Nevertheless, he was being nice when I told him my router spoil and got no internet, he tried to help me fix the problem, thru phone of course. And we hang up the call because the problem cannot be resolved. And then we ended the conversation.

All these while, I have been thinking and I know this kind of ‘connection’ will not last for long. And he say he‘s fine with this. Of cos, he‘s speaking from his point of view and me, being me, can never be fine. Perhaps not now loh. The tone that he used to talk to me, feels different but forever sounded not song when he talks to me, and I wondered why.

He asked me, what’s the him I know. The him I know is fickle minded. Forever changing. Never tell me what’s on his mind. Loves drinking. Loves to know new girls. Treat me nice when he wants me, and treat me like shit when he wants me to F.O. And I even asked him if he have changed. Perhaps. But I won’t know because I’m not going to stand here and wait. He say I still can ask him out, but by doing that, I will make myself very vulnerable towards him. So I deleted ALL his SMSes, deleted ALL my sent SMSes to him, cleared my call logs, and deleted his number from my phone. Whatever I did above, I still can remember his SMSes and his number. Ha. So it’s also pointless lah.

And I know it will take him another few months to SMS me or even to ask me out. Not that I know him too well, worse still, I realized I don’t even know him.

Loves,
Jaymee