Do you wanna know HOW PISSED I AM?
Read on.
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FUCK
I swear i will NEVER EVER BOTHER about someone like him. =]
It feels like i’m alive again!
I realized this blog shouldn’t have his name appearing at all. So everything about him, i have move it to the previous blog. And there is nothing special about those entries. I shall not go into further details.
And i’m fweeling wery harpi because Jaymee finally went ice skating!! Woooo~! This is so impromptu lo. I only got to know it during lunch time today. And because i wore skirt to work, i have to go This Fashion to buy a pants. And i fell down and bleed a little. =] Before our time ends, i keep falling down. LOL. Because Pei Wen says “last few minutes must keep falling until song ah”! and i really keep falling down. Because Pei Wen and Zong Da hold my hands and skate at a high speed, causing me to fall down. And Zong Da says i look like i’m happy to fall down because i kept laughing. LOL. Didn’t manage to take any pictures though. Sad-ed. And lucky for me, I have Zong Da and Pei Wen to look after me while learning to skate. And now, i can skate a little! Heehee.
And i’m feel good today as well. It’s for another reason. Perhaps i will let you guys know when time is ripe. Alrights, it’s time for me to shower and sleep. Can’t wait for Thursday to come. =]
Know what’s my greatest mistake?
On another hand, it’s not a secret that Nic likes me. The whole world knows about it. And i actually thought that it’s not gonna be so obvious. HA. I actually told Nic that i don’t wanna meet him so often because he reminds me so much of him. But he wanted me to give him time to prove that he wants to be with me. Ha. A month’s time and the probation period will end on his birthday. But it takes me longer than a month to know truly what kind of person he really is. We shall see. Will i ever get my normal life back?
Ha, i’m stupid. Because i’ve been smsing the wrong number to the correct person. I didn’t know he changed his number till i saw the new number in his facebook. Peili is right… he didn’t even wanna add me in facebook, why did i add him in the first place? I was being stupid. And today, i knew who was the one who smsed me a 🙂 on saturday morning. It was him. But, he didn’t reply me when i asked who is he. So i’m confused over whether he wants me to know he changed his number or not. Perhaps no. He might have msg the wrong person. That’s what Peili told me.
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that;s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
I think I’m out of mind. That’s why I’m doing such thing. Why do I harbor such thoughts again?
Why do I even wish for him to come back? I really do miss him a lot. So much that I couldn’t hold it anymore.
It’s done.
After suppressing the urge, I did send a msg to him.
When I see Nic, I see him. Nic reminds me so much of him. It’s gonna be impossible for me to put him at the back of my mind. Impossible. How can someone I love so much, wants to leave me so badly? I think I’m really not good enough.
I amm… completely a loser.
Met up with Sze Tien yesterday. Haven’t seen him for a long long time. And we went to Balmoral Plaza to have dinner at the Waffle Place. Ok, i don’t really remember the store name. Getting old. After that went to his house and continue crapping. After that went to meet Nic at Bukit Timah Plaza’s lan shop. After that went to his house for some stupid drinking session which i didn’t really drink because i was sneezing the whole damn night and plus, i’m not an alcohol person.
Went to meet up with Teck Yong and Wei Xiong at JP for “Hellboy II: The Golden Army“. And nice time crapping with him. And when he told me he wanted to ask me along for last night’s clubbing session and didn’t in the end, i was disappointed because they went to Arena and then to Amber 21. So it’s happening can. LOL. And so, he was telling me about his adventure last night. Then he say perhaps next time can join them, lo. Haha. Jealous k. Cos i wanna be happening too! Whatever.
Hellboy II: The Golden Army is not a bad movie after all. There was this sudden emo which makes everyone in the cinema laughs. Oh man. The person behind Hellboy is actually 53 years old man. See his flexibilities! OMG. Considered damn good liao ok.
I think i’m going bonkers here. With him in my mind every now and then, i feel so hard to move on. I even have the urge to send him a msg to tell him how much i’m missing him even though i jolly well knew it in my heart, he don’t give a damn to me. Why do i harbor such thoughts in my mind? Perhaps, i’m missing him too much. Someone PLEASE help me. It’s not easy to sort out such feelings everyday. I’m going crazy~!
Mary J. Blige – Just Fine
You know I love music
And every time I hear something hot
It makes me wanna move
It makes me wanna have fun
But it's something about this joint right here
This joint right here
Its makes me wanna..Woooh
Let it go��
Can't let this thing called love get away from you
Feel free right now, going do what you want to do
Can't let nobody take it away, from you, from me, from we
No time for moping around, are you kidding?
And no time for negative vibes, cause I'm winning
It's been a long week, I put in my hardest
Gonna live my life, feels so good to get it right
So I like what I see when I'm looking at me
When I'm walking past the mirror
No stress through the night, at a time in my life
Ain't worried about if you feel it
Got my head on straight, I got my mind right
I aint gonna let you kill it
You see I wouldn't change my life, my life's just..
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
You see I wouldn't change my life, my life's just fine
Feels so good, when you're doing all the things that you want to do
Get the best out of life, treat yourself to something new
Keep your head up high
In yourself, believe in you, believe in me
Having a really good time, I'm not complaining
And I'm a still wear a smile if it raining
I got to enjoy myself regardless
I appreciate life, I'm so glad I got mine
So I like what I see when I'm looking at me
When I'm walking past the mirror
Aint worried about you and what you gonna do
I'm a lady so I must stay classy
Got to keep it hot, keep it together
If I want to get better
You see I wouldn't change my life, my life's just...
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
You see I won't change my life, my life's just fine
I aint gonna let nothing get in my way
(I ain't gone let nobody bring me down, no, no, no)
No matter what nobody has to say
(No way, no way, no way)
I ain't gonna let nothing get in my way
No matter what nobody has to say
Feels so good, when you're doing all the things that you want to do
Get the best out of life, treat yourself to something new
It's a really good thing to say
That I won't change my life, my life's just fine
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
You see I won't change my life, my life's just fine
So I like what I see when I'm looking at me
When I�m walking past the mirror
No stress through the night, at a time in my life
Ain't worried about if you feel it
Got my head on straight, I got my mind right
I ain't gonna let you kill it
You see I wouldn't change my life, my life's just...
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
You see I wouldn�t change my life, my life's just fine
Very sorry to everyone because I was in such a foul mood recently. If i have been crude to you, I didn’t really mean it. You know i do treasure my friends. =]
And i feel better now. No more emo-ing.
But that doesn’t mean I am missing him any lesser. Just not that much anymore. I think i will be better as time goes by, because i know he won’t be back anymore. And i hope i won’t fall in deeper anymore. Because i know even if i did, he won’t even care. I should care less. Wrong, i shouldn’t even care. I just need someone to pull me out of this shit. Desperately. PLEASE.
Yup, because i know there will be someone out there waiting for me. Where the hell is my prince charming? ArGH.
Oh yeah, iPhone coming this Friday. Are you ready?!
I missed him today.
In fact, I missed him everyday.
You must be thinking “Girl, you’re so weak”. Yeah, i admit that i’m weak. Despite all the hurts that he gave me, I’m still missing him. You must be thinking “What the hell”. Yeah, that’s what i’m thinking too, “what the hell”. Everyday i’m pondering over what went wrong, am i not good enough, what is it that he doesn’t like me etc. Deep in my heart, i know i want him back… once i go deeper, i know if he’s really back, i’m gonna get myself more hurt. So which is which? i don’t know anymore. I wished there is someone i can talk to desperately. I wished someone can drop by and ask “Hey Jaymee, how are you today?”.. Apparently, none of them did that, lo. That’s why i’m very upset. Emo-ing alone. Noone really bothers about what i think seriously. i had nightmares last night when i was slpg. i wished someone is here to hold and care about me. at least he was once here. now that he’s gone, i feel even more emo. For the past almost 4 months since we broke up, i’ve been feeling down. Real down. I wondered how would i react if one day i happened to see his friendster, and there is a new pic of him and his new gf… i know immediately i will just lock my door and cry my heart, just like what i’m doing now. God, this is really so hard for me. I wish that i’m not alone. But the fact is, I am.
Gosh, i feel so helpless. Really.
Listen to my heart beat 