i have success in making myself even more depressed.

by sms-ing him if he’s gonna celebrate my birthday. and then he still say ‘see how first’ when i asked him if he’s gonna spend the whole day with me because he took leave that day. i feel so depressed… i shouldn’t have msg him.

i shouldn’t have msg him. because he don’t reply me anymore after i asked him if he’s gonna spend the whole day with me since he took leave. he’s not interested in celebrating my birthday with me. why did i wanna celebrate with him so much? he can reply “…..so bad la. late..” to me when i just msg him “u….”… he replied to the wrong person. another girl. i know.

I kept myself very busy today. Imagine meeting up 3 different groups of people in a day? It’s so fun lah.

I met up with Chen Yang this afternoon for lunch and some singing session. We had lunch at the “mei shi jie”. then we walked around chinatown just to wait for the 10 dollar karaoke to open and realized, we have to make advance booking because there is no more slots. ok, kinda disappointed.. but we still went to kbox for our singing session! and spending almost 5 hours there just – sing. LOL. it’s so fun.

Then i went to Bugis to meet the Marcus, Jordan, Michelle, Wilson & Violet for steamboat to celebrate Marcus‘ birthday which is on 9th November. We just sat there crapping around talking about BMI students. the funny good students, and of cos the kind of students who will just irritate the hell out of you. yup. it’s fun. then we walked to HMV at city hall to look around, and we had ice cream! yummy. i just love cookies & cream. =]

Then Li called me to ask if i wanna go prawning. haven’t been prawning for a long time. and i thought they have started long time ago. but when i met up with them, they were sitting at S11 can? =.= by the time we reached the prawning place it’s almost 12mn. time to go home. of cos, we never fail to take pictures. =] and this shall end my day.

me & chen yang

Wilson, Marcus, Michelle, Jordan, & me!

Li, Lao Pa & me

took leave to attend Randy‘s wedding. it’s not a waste trip. because watching the Solemnization Ceremony was such a touching thing to do. By just watching how this blissful couple being pronounced husband and wife. The wedding is a fun one because i met some people whom i haven’t seen for ages like sister Eunice! been saying that i wanna give her a treat because of the job but i have been saying that for almost a year. But, i still haven’t give her the treat. =[ my bad.

my bday is coming soon.. and i only left with… 400 bucks… with $200 plus bill not cleared yet. Gosh. I’m need to create a bday wishlist soon. Maybe today. After all i might need to give ppl time to prepare? But then again, noone reads my blog. got write = nv write. LOL. there goes my dream. but the 1st thing that came to my mind is, WILL HE CELEBRATE MY BIRTHDAY WITH ME? i really wished he would. this is my 1st birthday wish. but i know it’s not gonna happen. because he has totally outcast me, he has totally forsaken me, and he doesn’t remember me, he wouldn’t contact me nor does he reads my blog to know that i wanna celebrate my birthday with him. so he wouldn’t know that i really wish to celebrate my birthday with him. i was looking forward to. but then, it was being thrashed into the rubbish bin when…. i don’t know. you can say i’m being stupid.. but.. i really wished to.. why won’t he give me some of his time? why won’t he give me some of his attention? why won’t he give me his love? what’s holding him back? why did i give it all out? that’s me being stupid. and of cos, when i think of this, it really makes me upset. But it’s my own wishful thinking. he wouldn’t bother. i know he wouldn’t. i’m bleeding again.

i m just so angry.

so angry with him.

=[

not angry.

i’m disappointed than angry.

Went out with my sisters after work today. Went to have sushi at Heeren’s Sakae Sushi. And we had a fun time interacting with each other. Crapping around seems to be so fun. Then we went to Dan Ryan’s. Because we realised we haven’t been there for so long since my elder sister stopped working there. Had a bottle of beer (corona). That’s fine. 1 bottle is fine. 2 bottles is a little too much. =] So here am i sitting in front of my laptop, blogging. =D It’s Randy‘s wedding tomorrow. And i’m so excited about it. And what am i doing tml? i’m not sure about that part.

After talking to Shaiful last night, i felt a little better. But once i reached home, laid down on my bed. he came into my mind again. and i have another sleepless night. Only managed to fall aslp this morning, den i have to wake up again. aaarrrggghhh. i know if i wanna move on, i need to get him out of my mind. i know i have to do that. Don’t talk about it. I love him so much, care for him more than i care for myself. But what i got back for myself, is all these shit. and of cos if i can’t be compared to his friends, his colleagues or his sister. then we shouldn’t be together at all. because that is a waste of our time. my energy, my effort, and my time. it suck the big time. but he will realized it soon. he has been too selfish and self centered.

it was supposed to be a peaceful day for Bernice until Jordan came in for work and show us all the condoms that she got from her school campaign. LOL. 9 of it. and Bernice is going to States for 2 weeks, now she can use it wisely. LOL. and yes, it was pretty obvious that the note was written by me. =X oh well, and Ah Choy says she don’t dare to put this picture on blog, thus i’m putting up. LOL. But i didn’t get to see Bernice‘s reaction. aaawwww. But she packed the condoms. lol. Cool. Gonna miss her though.

How would you feel when the someone you are looking forward to meet and spend time with, decides that other friends are more important than you are because both of you are no longer together? He said he would meet you, but he didn’t say he would spend the night with you. So what are you expecting? Then he might as well DON’T say it in the first place! Do i look like i would meet someone for 1 or 2 hours and then see him go clubbing with his colleagues? Watching his back as he leave me behind? Do i look like i’m such person? though we are bf-gf no more, simple respect should be there.

This is not the 1st time in this week. this is the SECOND time in this same week. Why can’t he just think about how i fucking feel? gf no more, so he doesn’t need to take my feelings into his consideration? I was overmoon when he msg me that he would meet me tonight, and that ‘joy’ simply turned into disappointment when he told me his colleagues might ask him go clubbing tonight because it’s Deepavali tomorrow. not confirm yet. So, once he confirm with them last minute, i have to be the person he ‘scarifice’? Once again? Crap, why is it so HARD to spend time with him? I’m not asking too much. He say “i’m not your boyfriend, so don’t expect too much from me. stop being unreasonable”. But sorry to say, i’m that unreasonable. It’s either me OR them. there is NO such thing as meet me first THEN join them. NO. it happened like 2 weeks ago. When i asked him for dinner. He told me he’s going Timbre with his friends. “dinner only mah. then after that i go join them lo” Then what about me? He just say, ask your friends out la, i don’t believe you can’t ask anyone out. and it’s happening again? WTF have i done to deserve this kind of fucking treatment? Fuck, if you can’t decide. Don’t say you would. I’m not your last minute backup plan. I’m sure you can ask you friends out during the 11th hour too. I’ve my anger too. I’m a emotional creature, unlike you.

ok, maybe i should really stop my depression for now. thinking on the bright side:

1) i’m going to have sushi for dinner this friday with my sister
2) i’m going for Randy’s wedding at Sentosa this saturday (and i’m gonna see quite a number of people there)
3) celebrating Marcus’s bday this sunday.

Gosh, it looks like i’m packed. but there are stuffs that dim out my bright side:

1) majority is because of him, of cos
2) Jay chou’s concert tickets for both 18th and 19th Jan’08 is SOLD OUT (is there anything more exaggerate than this? it’s more than 2 months from now to the concert!)
3) working on a public holiday, Deepavali, (this makes me even more depressing. because i wanna go PARTY with my friends on WEDNESDAY.)

Can someone help me out of this depression? I think only he can. =[

I’m so happy can? Because he’s meeting me tomorrow! it brighten up my depressing days. =]]

ok, did i mentioned that i watched “The Game Plan” on Sunday with Shaiful? I must have forgotten about this movie (it doesn’t mean that i forget about you dude. because i still SEE you around. LOL). Anyways, the movie is rather funny and touching at times. Worth watching. =]

ok, i must have this monday blues thingy that i actually went drinking with li and her colleagues. went to a pub (Rab Pub) at boat quay last night. and her colleagues are such funny people to hang out with. though, i can’t really remember their names. haha. i’m such a lousy drinker, 2 bottles of beer can make me drunk. not immediately, but slowly.. den Jeremy came down to send me home. “hello drunkard”, that’s what he said me to me. but anyways, thanks dude.

I think i must be crazy to sms JJ stupid stuffs. =.= i was pretty upset that he put me aside when i was the one who asked him 1st if he can acc me go eat yu pian tang. he agreed and i was so happy. because each time i asked him, he rejected me. but then at about 8:30p.m, he smsed me to tell me that he’s going to play number ball with his colleagues so he’s not meeting me anymore. that upsets me. thus, i went drinking. and he only got home like 5a.m… =[

what makes it worse was that i forgot that i took medicine, and i had beer. so, there is a sharp pain at my heart that makes me unable to sleep or rest.. =[ maybe i shd stop being so forgetful.. oh well.. we are just 5 very sadded-ed ladies.

i’m drunk on the inside though i looked sober on the outside. so drunk.

Rebecca cheated my feelings once more. She said she would meet me today and it ends up, she say she’s doing project. i wasn’t informed. zzz. my poor sister is sick. so she couldn’t go out with me and she already had steamboat with me last night. Oh well.. Lucky, i’m meeting Jeremy for a movie. But he only finishes work at 1.30a.m.. and so, i headed to Bugis’s TCC to wait for him. and i had a dessert for myself. and that makes me so full because i had dinner b4 i went out. the stupid thing is, i forgot to bring my hp out. =[ den we headed to The Cathay for the movie. the start of the movie was pretty gross because they cut up the body, took out the organs and all.. yes, it’s a little gross. but, i like~ LOL. it’s nice! sure it is.

i’m starting to miss him a little more each day. but i know it’s not gonna work… i know it’s not gonna work… he wants me out of his life.. =[ that makes me really upset.. because, i really wanna be with him… but he don’t.. cast him out of your mind babe. and you will be stronger.