I was so forgetful til i have forgotten to wish edwin happy 20th bday on fri(28th april). i wanted to leave a testimonial for him in frenster today but, even i do that he will not accept.. so i gave up the idea.. so i smsed him today.. it’s a bit late but still… lucky for me he replied.. and he will be enlisted in sep.. but i dun think i will have any chance of going out with them b4 they get enlisted or whatsoever. although things lidat hurts but i have learnt to live with it. if u can’t beat them, join them. =)

i had such a fun time going out with gf taking pics on fri after work. we went to have dinner at MW’s tcc bcos it is much quieter there and we had some fun time taking pics which, pity.. i can’t post up bcos my nokia hp doesn’t come with the USB cable (and wat? it costed abt $88).. maybe i will get a bluetooth set for my laptop so i can at least bluetooth it my laptop and upload. =P i will post the pics i took with her after i ask her to send me which apparently i have forgotten. =[

spent the whole day at home today bcos of something that happened btwn me & duckie last nite makes me slept only this morning. waking up and went back to slp after i have headache. aawww.. wanted to go tcc to buy food with the rest but.. i better apologise to tim tml. sorry to tong lei too. sigh.. it’s not that good that i always failed to turn up. and i’m excited over the BBQ tml.. i get to play water and take MORE pics with them!! muahaha.. and of cos, on monday i will be going over to duckie‘s hse to go with his family to his ah ma’s bday in the evening time. he said we will be having dinner at thomson.. hmmm.. which i barely have any idea where is that place.. =X and the worse part is i haven’t buy any present nor i have money for his ah ma’s red packet.. oh dear… duckie‘s money is low and so is mine.. shdnt spend so much ytd. lol. thinking on the brighter side, duckie is getting his pay on money & i’m getting my pay the wk after next or if they are fast enough i’ll get it next wk. =P which is almost impossible i guess. helped my mama wash dad’s car today. and yes, i finally had the chance to see the car bcos i am always barely home when they are awake. =P it’s a tough job. but i like. it reminds me that i haven’t washed car for let’s say 8 yrs? since my pri 6 time my dad sold his car away, i had nvr see a “family” car anymore. and now we finally own one! and after working i sat in the car while daddy drove to the opposite to park his car bcos the season parking for my block is sold out thus he has no other choice. =P it’s cooL~ muahaha. time to own a car license too. i will need to save quite a bit of money as well.. duckie says he wants to bring me to aust b4 he enlist into army. and what? yiep soon saw me in my pyjamas.. OMG, i feel like a crazy woman. hahaha.

i guess it’s time for me to slp and stop watch da chang jin and cont later. lol. i m a korean drama fan i guess. oh yes, to my sweetheart amy.. rem that i’m always here for u alright. give me a call when u need someone to talk to. dun worry abt ur bf. everything will eventually work out well for u guys. =] nitey~

The Potters’ Hand

Beautiful Lord, wonderful saviour
I know for sure, all of my days are held in Your hands
Created into Your perfect plan

You gently call me, into Your presence
Guiding me by, Your Holy Spirit
Teach me dear Lord
To live all of my life through Your eyes

I’m captured by, Your Holy calling
Set me apart
I know You’re drawing me to Yourself
Lead me Lord I pray

Take me, Mould me
Use me, Fill me
I give my life to the Potter’s hands
Hold me, Guide me
Lead me, Walk beside me
I give my life to the Potter’s hand

After crying out, i feel much more better.. I love everyone around me and seriously i reali do. no one is perfect. even the most perfect person in the world has his/her own flaws. i don’t want to be look upon by others as i’m useless. i am trying hard to be whatever duckie wants me to be and i know he’s trying hard to be whatever i want him to be. but now, i need to destress. i feel so stressed and unhappy but i can’t show out.. but now, i am definitely feeling better and much more relieved. i know my own temper. i couldn’t control myself and even today, i most shouted at nana.. it’s my bad.. i have everything bottled up in my heart for too long, my angers, my frustration.. but somehow i feel it’s not over yet.. i need some more time.. and when i’m back from genting, i’ll start all over again.. i wouldn’t rem those who are not worthy to rem. i don’t even having any other relationship before duckie. did i? No, i don’t think so. i’m switching to full time next month after my genting trip. some changes will be made.. more money earned but of cos, staying long in tcc isn’t gonna help me. i have intention to study Marketing in SIM.. so i will need to save some money for that if possible too.. i feel like, i m starting to have a life and i’m NOT going to let whoever that is to ruin me anymore. help me please. i’m leaving the past behind.. and duckie to me is imp too besides my sweethearts & gf & ppl in tcc. i’m ditching EVERYTHING bad behind me. i don’t wish to live in anymore sadness. =] oh cheer up.. and i always rem how God saved me when i needed His help.. and den suddenly i realised, this is what i have been neglecting – God. time to change myself. Be more responsible and of cos, that wouldn’t change the fact that i’m still so irritating! =P “To the AIRPORT~~~”

Don’t sms me or come my blog anymore. Ever since I found out how you backstabbed me and lied about me behind my back there is already no more love left in me for you. To think you can even use friendster to find out about my friends and secretly message them to backstab me, and then turn around and say that I am looking for trouble with you. I cannot imagine anymore what your heart has become. I don’t know what else to call you but a lying bitch, because that is what you are.
And stop using booboo as an excuse to look for me for help whenever you are in trouble. Go and use donald for all I care. He wish to be your toy but me and booboo is not your toy anymore.

to reply his very fantastic msg that he left for me in his blog. here it goes..

1) i m never interested in ur friends nor i have the time to go friendster and “backstab” u. and seriously, if i really wanna “backstab” u, i’ll make sure i do a good job without leaving any trace. or if i really wanna “backstab” u, i make sure i really do. and if people agrees, den it’s their problem never mine. or if those people really knows u in & out, why they doubt or believes in my so-called “lies”? was that because i’m a good liar? and if by saying “hi, how do u know my friend” is considering “backstabbing”.. den many people might have “backstabbed” by me. =]

2) i cannot imagine anymore how u have became. a nice guy? a even more nice guy? to me, u dealt with r/s so unprofessionally. u broke up with me bcos of a guy who is my friend and nothing more. i refuse to patch up with u for someone who is more than a friend and yet, at that point of time i still hasn’t love him as much as i love u. but now, i love him more than i love u even though he makes me mad.. but i still love booboo the most. and i will nvr use her to “use” u like what u said.

3) if u say i’m a bitch, den i am. this proves everything. i’m ah lian. everyone in workplace calls me that. unlike u who is self claimed poet who scolds me and ONLY me bitch. i’m uncilivised in some way and cilivised in another. unlike u, everything u ever said to me was, i fuck guys, i like to be touched by guys when i go clubbing, i used booboo to use u, duckie is my toy, i betrayed u, i backstab u thru ur frens, to many to think of. i can say that i loved u. but, i can dun need a guy in my life like what u claimed i need. u said i need a guy and any guys will do. but u r wrong, i dun need a guy like u and i will never need one. ppl in tcc (rx) is who i needed, and i find myself comfortable even though there is misunderstanding. i feel i have some worth there rather than when i’m with u.

4) as time pass by, when i’m back from genting.. i will miss booboo lesser but that doesn’t mean i dun love her. i still love her but knowing i wouldn’t be able to see her.. i wouldn’t pin much hope on seeing her. nor i will still go ur hse to see her anymore. i have things to do. but, i would rather u throw her away then giving some OTHER woman to touch her.

end of message.

Modem was down on monday thus i didn’t have the chance to update. ever since dad undergoes operation for his heart batt, he’s on MC until i dunno when. and i seriously hate it when parents stayed at home and start nagging at me.. getting sick of it. it’s not as if i’m not working and ask them for money. at least i am working part time now and going to be full time next month after my genting trip with gf, damien & duckie. den i will have more money.. =]

i was so angry with she-who-shall-not-be-named ytd. there was this customer who came in and sat down at table 5A and after which he asked for ice water and before i could give him he walked away w/o informing me whether he’s coming back or not. and she-who-shall-not-be-named saw it because she was standing beside me.. so i explained to her and she like blow things up.. i almost blow up and scold her. zzzz.. i’m so lazy to type bcos i wanns watch da chang jin. so i update more. =)

i had a fun time ytd. went to have steamboat with damien, gf, bin bin, sophia & sue (which after missy went off to meet her sister den sue went to meet her fren 1st)… after the steamboat, we went to do some window shopping.. after that we went to Cineleisure to pay amin a visit. it’s been a long time sinec i last saw him. hehe. and he’s still a pervert, nothing about him changes except he has changed his name tag from beckham to amin back. lol. me & sue had chicken wings but she only ate 1.. i had my oreo milkshake and OMG, it’s in the soda glass instead of the normal aloha glass.. hehe.. den we went to kbox and sing all the way until 6am! OMG.. that’s the longest kbox session i had with them. we sung 6 hrs! and i feel like my throat is so dry. lol. =) me & gf wanted to watch movie but they didn’t want so we suggest kbox instead and they didnt want also.. was a bit disappointed but in the end they still went.. they were so indecisive about going bcos they are tired.. i’m very tired too. but i haven’t had any fun for so long. and yes, i had fun. lol. but the thing is, i wasn’t reali enjoying too. bcos of duckie loh. he keep kp me.. and i can’t stand it.i can’t stand his attitude. i can’t stand it. i can’t stand he always expect me to do this and that. he expected me to tell him everything, my whereabout etc. i HATE it. it’s getting on my nerves. and i missed him.

i’m out of my mind. everyday i’m fearing that someone might login my frenster and start deleting my little booboo’s pic.. i’m upset.. sigh.. i need slp so much.. gd nite

i need a life. whenever i felt that someone is happy, and i think about it den i realised.. my life is totally in a mess. i have stopped believing in fairy tales when i feel the urge to grow up fast. fairy tales about everlasting love is a bit bullshit to reality like these. like a girl running into another man’s arm when she has got a bf. like a guy breaking a girl’s heart and still say he loves her. like a someone in the relationship having an affair. like some people, happy get themselves married, next day unhappy they divorved. who knows? me? i am a bitch. i wish i am. i needed to cry.. i need booboo to cry on.. i need someone to lean on and not someone to stick to me like a glue not knowing what i’m thinking about. My thoughts. i tried to think of other as well. but still, everything turns out the same. i need to occupy myself with things so that my thoughts wouldn’t wander back into the past and keep pondering about it. i need a break. out of singapore. to somewhere where i can relax myself.. i feel like i have made a few grave mistakes that i can’t take it back once they are done. life is a bitch.

there isn’t anything that will spice up my life recently but anger. i can’t bring myself to trust just any other guys anymore. or perhaps trust will take place after a very long period of time. i was almost going to explode. Almost. i controlled myself from exploding and the worse part is i realli seriously hate it when people invaded my stuffs. i’m so screwed up. sigh. i need to forget everything that has happened so i can move on.. i’m still considering about duckie‘s qns about being his gf… i’m not sure.. i have no idea wat i reali want as well. we shall not rush into any conclusion yet.

went out with my gf ytd. had a nice time talking to her.. taking pics of us. here are some pics. =) she wants to try the new menu food so we had it at clarke quay’s TCC and after that we went to have some ice cream! muahaha. and gf bought me a bracelet. how nice of her. it’s pink and with crystal kind of heart shape. =) pretty.

me & gf at clarke quay~

well, it’s US again. =P

Our desserts. =) YummY~

because of this pic, i heard some ang moh laughing at me. i have to acc my ancestor for dinner what to do? =]

Worked 7am today. i barely have any sleep and i have to wake up again.. worked opening with tim. it’s fine i guess. Keep repeating “to the airport! *some flying sound* airport!, are u sure?, don’t worry. there’s no sugar.”.. if u are unsure what i’m talking abt. it’s the pepsi max commercial. i like it so much. =) anyways, i’m the cashier today. no short of cash blah.. was a bit too blind to see isaac‘s 1 & 2.. but everything is alright. almost key in the wrong amt for the credit card bcos i feel discomfort ppl standing besides me. but lucky for me. =) now, i have an imp task to do for wati. and that is to collect moneY! haha. we are having BBQ on the 30th of april and me & suzy is the financial controller. alright, which means i have to chase after ppl for money. =P after work, i meet duckie.. and the meeting was unpleasant one until i reached his hse and play with ger ger. =] when i’m feeling so vexed, he come and ask me 2 qns which i dun rem bcos of his “that day”. but whatever, i aint gonna let this matter haunt me. and i need some rest as well.. i feel very tired after working.. and i’m considering if i shd convert to a full time in TCC.

it’s sad to know that amin is no longer with us. he’s transferred to cineleisure.. i felt very upset actually. after all, he’s my fav manager. someone whom i can insult and he in return insult me back. now, i have less 1 person in RX to crap with. and this makes me miss those who had left earlier on.. i missed gf‘s strangle. i missed abd‘s repeating of the same song. i missed tong lei‘s crapping. it feels sad to see people leave.. it makes me feel upset.. i tot it was some kind of belated april fool’s joke.. but it isn’t.. upset. how i wish some things will remain the same. and it will never change. but even things remains the same and human changes.. i rather the things change. there goes amin. and here stays pat.