now i have a mission. that is to make a few new drink recipes for the secretary week which falls on 24th – 28th april. it was suppose to be tong lei‘s job and now she’s no longer working with us and i’m familiarize with the bar drinks.. tim couldn’t ask the other part timer because, bin bin got sch.. suzy hasn’t memorise the drinks.. the rest haven’t learn bar.. and he couldn’t ask the full timers to do because they got stuffs to do as well.. that left me.. oh well.. so now, i’m going to work harder to come out with some nice drinks to prove to ppl my worth.. yes! that’s what i will do. =) so after work i went to eat with bin bin, da mian & mon cherie. after that me, bin bin & da mian walked to bugis after we went back to tcc to get our pay.. i have returned $40 our of the $100 to my mama and bought mrt concession for this month to reduce my expenses. after that i meet duckie to have dinner.. so i eat again. LOL.. den went shopping and i bought a skirt for $18, a bag for $19.90 & a hp sock for $1.90.. lol.

just now i went downstairs to pick up my sister and suddenly, she cried.. i was quite shocked.. and i asked her what happened.. she’s feeling so unhappy in everything and she claims she’s lousy.. it’s hurts me to see her cry until lidat.. sigh.. so it was about chris.. sometimes i wondered if guys are stupid or what?? couldn’t they spare more thoughts on the girls? sometimes they will just claim credits for themselves and forget about us. or they will spend alot of effort trying to woo a particular girl and once they got her, they will start treating her like shit.. and whenever there is an issue going on, it’s always the girl’s fault. why can’t the guys just fu*king leave my siste alone? she’s already miserable bcos of brandon and she managed to stand back on her own feet and these guys make her fall again.. can’t they just spare some thoughts for her or at least, leave her alone? guys, can’t reali understand what they are thinking about.. they are nvr serious about 1 r/s.

suddenly, tim & wati was talking about resignation today. and so tim was asking “everyone” whether are they going to resign and when he asked me, i was smiling and laughing.. and when i told him that i planned to resign next month.. he was shocked. i have to resign if the pay continues to be so low. i’m earning $4.50/hr + $0.80 of meal allowance (if i work more than 5hrs and of cos i work 5 hrs or more).. but now, i’m earning money for myself. i have to support myself now that i have NO MORE allowance to take from my parents. and of cos i have to pay for my hp bill as well. sigh.. so i was hoping that tim will manage to raise my pay higher a bit.. he didn’t want me to quit.. because if he could, he didn’t wan gf, tong lei & abd to quit as well. i have think of myself too.. i didnt quit earlier because i know they need ppl and it seems like i’m not helping.. i cannot do host.. nor i can do bar well… if tong lei‘s here.. i dun even have the chance to create new drinks for the secretary week. sigh.. let’s hope i will do my job well.. and i’m doing research so i know what drinks i can make with the ingredients i have in the bar. =]

went to work today and did some Service Quality Form. i have this weakness for crying when people keep asking me questions.. i just can’t take it and i just cry.. was it because my service wasn’t good enough? was it that i’m too lousy? i feel like.. i’m useless.. sigh… i just thought i’m doing my job well today and i didn’t screw up anything else… but i got reprimanded.. maybe i’m just not good enough. and i got my present from sabah! haha.. fang chew bought it for me. a bag with .. yes, my fav – flower. lol.. and its the pic on the left. =) and that little present cheered me up.. =) and seriously, i cannot believe he choose it lah.. LOL. the bag is simply lovely.. and i went shopping too. bought a mini skirt for $26.90, a mini pants for $24.90 (i think), 3 tops from giodano for $36 & a wallet for $25.20 from project shop. =) but poor duckie might become poor after today.. we went to watch “inside man” today at cineleisure.. the show is damn nice. lol. it was about a ‘robbery’ at manhattan bank.. and the proceedure of the robbery was so damn cool. aaahhh.. after shopping today it made my mood slightly better.. and just now sue called asking me to replace her until closing tml.. so i might work until closing tml instead of 5pm.. yes, that is what i’m gonna do.. hahaha.. sigh.. gf, tell me what to do.. i’m a bit lost. working in RX is no longer what i wish for each time i wake up.. seriously.. sometimes i’m sick of working there.. not because of the environment.. but bcos of the ppl..

Friday
I admit i was upset because i helped tong lei to close bar because she wants to do bar but close service… it’s ok that i help but when i need help and there was none of them offering their help.. it was like everyone ignoring me and no one bothers about me.. and bin bin say “dun worry, we will definately help u do closing for bar”… and he did.. helped me wash those glasses and let me clear them up by putting them back into their original places. den he helped me to clear the rubbish bins but nvr help me put trash bag inside.. and he did when i told him to.. he took out the trash bags that are not yet fold and just leave them there.. and den he went to talk to tong lei.. yes, i understand that he wants to stick her to chat because it was, after all, her last day in RX.. but still… they shd at least give me help and by the time i finish closing bar was like almost 10.30pm? and so after i closed the bar get myself changed and went back home w/o taking pics with tong lei.. cos i was very upset with them. am i petty?

Saturday
it’s the food tasting day! haha.. i was excited for the past few days until the things that happened on fri.. it turns me off and i reali feel like quitting if my presence in RX is not known to everyone den what’s the point i work therE? and i close bar again.. 3rd day in a row. but it’s ok.. cos i like to do bar.. haha.. and gf came to the outlet to go to the BBQ with us. and the bbq was at tim‘s fren’s condo which was located at upper bukit timah.. me, wati, sue, fang chew, damien, mason, and pat went there after work.. and we all had fun time there. tim n mon cherie was bbq-ing the food.. i was thrown into water by tim after they have throw tong lei in!!! omg.. we are indeed tong lei. hahaha. and gradually EVERYONE was thrown into the water. hahaha. it was so funny.. and i was shivering once i came out of the water.. OMG.. and tim had to borrow me his tower.. hahaha.. and i just keep shivering bcos i did not have extra clothes to change.. duh.. and after that i meet up with duckie because he wants to.. so he acc me home and i change and went out again.. haha.. this is stupid because we went all the way to town to have mac.. duh.. den i went to his hse to stay overnite bcos i’m too tired to take NR back home. and of cos he went to living room to slp..

Sunday
I woke up today and i didnt see him in the living room i was hesitating whether i shd go out of his room to look for him and i did.. ahaha.. den his sister told me he’s at his mum’s room slpg.. and i played with ger ger.. =) so cute.. haha. and she grown until so BIG.. she’s even bigger than tooty.. omg.. hahaha.. and she’s getting heavier too. =X den i went to brush my teeth and watch tv.. his mum cooked lunch for us.. curry chicken.. yay… haha.. my fav! and den i cont to watch tv.. after awhile i went back to slp again.. haha.. den we went to town.. cos we booked tickets for today.. and end up it was ticket for WED.. damn.. so we went to have dinner instead and walk ard until it’s time to go home.. ok.. i’m slpy already.. nite! =)

one word: upset.

that’s how i’m feeling today and right now. say good bye to my nokia.. say good bye to tong lei.. say good bye to me.

a very bad thing happened to me today.. i lost my $10.. u may think it’s only a $10 bucks.. but it means a lot to me. i have lost my $10 to top my ex link.. and gf helped me pay $10 for the bbq this sat farewell party… u see? a small $10 i can do so many things.. so can u imagine how sad i was? and i borrowed this $10.. i was supposed to work 12noon – 5pm today.. but tim said there isn’t enough ppl so i was asked to do OT until 10pm. =] if gf called earlier, den i wouldn’t have OT and i could acc her ard den she wouldn’t feel so lost.. she got this very lost expression on her face.. and if she come earlier den she could have accompany me for dinner or rather, my late lunch.. hahaha.. damien was toooooo busy.. he worked OT everyday!! but he went home early today.. lol.. and damien say i must be happy bcos my “bf” is coming back tml.. and michael laugh.. lol.. si damien. lol. kill him! muahaha. did closing for bar today.. and i keep doing blended drinks.. it’s killing me!! especially the Azuki Freeze.. =.= i keep taking the red bean in and out of the fridge.. duh.. den it was the fraps that wants my life too.. busy busy busy!!! ahaha.. and lucky got mon cherie, missy & nana help me.. sue helped me wash the glasses before she time out.. yay~~~ i better slp early today bcos i’m working OT tml too.. hahaha. =)

hmm. let me think if i have anything interesting to update.. apparently, there is nothing.. was helping wati~~~ to do some head count for this sat BBQ. =) sigh.. made 2 screw up today.. but that was after lunch so i wasn’t very guilty. haha.. so i have to ask sue help m void transaction bcos i forget to press whether it’s visa or mastercard.. 1 of the screw up amin keep bugging me for the 10 bucks! duh.. sigh…………………………………………………………………………………………………….. i don’t wish to keep repeating my words. cos it’s a very tiring chore.. can someone HELP me? duh.

sue made my day by making me laugh.. even it’s for awhile.. she said something like “not having here which is take away”.. couldnt rem exactly what she said but it was something lidat.. and it makes me laugh. =) had my fac chicken rice before i start work today and it was raining so heavily that i have to borrow umbrella from TCC so i wouldnt get wet. and today is the start of the new menu! yay~ hahaha. and the menu is pretty but BIG.. sigh.. and i will have to start this wk to try out doing hosting.. bleah.. even the new part timer (changing to full time issac) has already did hosting.. duh.. anyways, we had a new staff called siti but i hasnt talk to her yet.. so i didnt even know whether she’s full or part time. lol.. but the look at her face tells me maybe she’s a part timer. =) i keep telling myself life is good and den it will be good. hahaha. what am i talking about? i have no idea.. i need to sleep now.. still gotta work tml. =)

his words and his words is bullshit. the whole nite couldn’t slp and was sms-ing and i realised the reason was maybe he has change his heart. the nick i saw previously was “mel mel…=)” and if mel is the one who told his ex our break up, will he still =) to her? contradicting. everything doesnt work well for me and i definately not gonne live in the past too. in the past, piggy will nvr say nasty things to me nor he will smoke. today, piggy say nasty things to me and he smokes. the different is so big. and he say i were to spare tots for others. each time we quarrelled, i have been patience to him first before i actually explode. ah, but everything i did was actually not good for the others. and everything he does is good. he spares thoughts for others but nvr me. he talk to ppl nicely, but not me. he always explode on me for nothing but never on others. tell me, how the past me can come back? where is the innocent and stupid girl i once was? i’m still so stupid now.. but am i innocent? only god knows. for one thing i know is that, i could nvr be the past me.

ah, is this my final decision for everything? for duckie & him. duckie tell me to take off everything that has our pics from my frenster blah.. he told me to change everything.. yes, maybe i will because there isnt any point now. he was late for 40 mins today and didn’t even bother to say sorry when i showed him my unhappiness. he shd at least inform me that he will be late so i dun have to go out so early and wait for him like some kind of alien standing there and everyone who walked past me looked at me. duh. den we took a bus to town and…. we sat at taka, stand at taka cont the quarrel that lasted for weeks.. couldnt stand anymore, he throw his hp after awhile he pick it back. while i just sit there speechless and after a few moments i just cried… he wants to bring me to have dinner but i refused. i went to look for him to get back my stuffs… and the one ended up accompany me is yujie… i went to eat xiao wan mian alone at JP.. after a few mins i have finished my noodle, he reach.. i waited for him for half an hr.. but at least he told me in advance that he was caught with something imp.. den i acc him to eat his dinner at KFC while i just drink water and saw eng biao & his another fren whom i don’t know.. crap for awhile and den i cont to chat with yujie.. told him about everything.. and of cos i’m so kpo.. i asked him how is his progress with that girl.. to my surprise… their progress was.. WOW.. haha.. but still, from what yujie say was, that girl only like him and she love another guy.. hmmmm.. but at least yujie took the first step! hahaha.. whether that girl will choose him or not is another thing.

he smsed me, telling me he still so in love with the past me… he was, in fact, during the past few days trying to see whether do i still love him like before.. and he still thinking of wanting to patch up with me.. these few mths, i wasnt very happy with the things happening around me. 1st is my hp bill which cost about $125.. bcos of the stupid auto roam plus, 2300 smses.. damn.. tell me.. how am i suppose to pay? den i have to juggle btween my emotions because of the r/s and my work.. simply bcos i don’t not wish to affect anyone. and den, my bank left 10 bucks.. and my wallet left 15 bucks.. i’m so pathetic.. i only have enough money to top up my ez link card.. and den i have to go on diet so i dun have to spend so much money on eating.. maybe that explains why i’m getting thinner and lighter even though i eat so much… sigh.. i feel each time after a break up, i am not me anymore.. i tended to get from bad to worse or even more worse.. my attitude to certain someone will change time after time.. i was so patience with duckie but he did not realise. i could have just break off with him for the 1st time he mentioned it.. and the worse part is duckie say, 我不把他放在眼里。if i nvr did, i wouldnt stay with him for long and despite him saying break up for so many times and i’m still around him. but each time we meet we just go off unhappily. what’s the point of meeting? to get more anger? frustration came in. no one understands me at all.. i’m upset.. but who can cheer me up? even he said he couldnt cheer me up.. i wish i’m happier.. at least i thought i am..

read wati‘s blog and she feels sad… but den i can’t do anything to make her feel better can i? i can’t go and ask her bcos i had nvr ask her things lidat b4.. and it would be very sudden for me to do things lidat.. anyways, tong lei‘s leaving TCC.. sigh.. good things doesnt last forever.. seriously, i’m upset that everyone has to go and probably, the next one will be me. ='( but den again, no one will ever realise my presence anyways.. whether i’m there or not doesnt make any differences. i have been caught in between duckie and his patch up thingy. but, i wun patch up with him now.. no matter what he’s going to say.. been hurt enough by his umpteen times of break ups. 4 times is alot. keep breaking promises.. and he even say he pity duckie because, because of me, duckie has no frens… he said duckie was like him.. frenless when he was with me.. and den he carried on saying he pitied himself too. think about it… who suffered the most? everyone of us.. for different reasons and reason that ownself believes in.. i believed i was hurt by both of them too and who pitys me? actually, no one.. but i need no one’s pity.